People make an unnecessary fuss about Christmas

[mikado1]

Or maybe I'm not doing it right/doing enough?

I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst. Santa presents were organised here in November, decorations went up two weeks ago, ham and turkey ordered weeks ago. Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks. So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean. Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe? I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend. I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done.

You plan, shop, prepare and cook Christmas dinner for 15 people then you can tell me it’s not stressful.

People make it more than it is, and others get all caught up in the hype and angst of "oh my gosh I'm so unprepared!" "Still have shopping to do!" "I haven't even wrapped yet!"
I'll admit I've been caught up in it myself but tried not to engage with it this year - it's made for a much more relaxed prep period, even though I'm still my usual last minute self doing everything. My attitude this year is if it's done, it's done, if not it doesn't really matter 🤷‍♀️

I'm not daft enough to agree to host 15 people. You couldn't pay me to go through that amount of stress for one day. You do you, though.

It's crazy what people think is necessary for one day.

Why do you care? Or does all of the condescension make you feel better about yourself?

Some real sanctimonious stuff on this thread, my goodness.

Bingo.

So you agree it’s stressful then. Good.

It's a fair bit of extra planning, shopping and cooking if you are hosting especially if working full time. I finished work an hour ago and do still need to finish some wrapping, some precooking for freezer, sorting spare beds and general cleaning house a bit.

I was also like this over property buying (and I had three fall through before actually completing). Tedious and annoying, yes. But I didn’t find it stressful particularly, and certainly not the “most stressful thing you’ll ever do” as it’s often said. I agree about Christmas - people stress for the sake of it. Can’t afford loads of stuff? Don’t buy more than you can afford. Don’t like hosting? Don’t host. Difficult family members gonna kick off and guilt trip you if you don’t bow to their demands? Let them, not your problem. It really is simple if you only do what you want.

Yep, which is why I wouldn't do it.

Nobody needs to have 15 people over for dinner. You may feel obligated to do it, but that's not the same thing.

Yes! I was the same with property buying. I think after going through a lot of tough times over health issues in my family, long-term, and all the energy and time that goes into that I just take a 'It'll be fine' approach to most other things and also, probably opt for the easiest, most straightforward options (Christmas gifts, wedding plans wise).

I do think as a pp mentioned that without the stress some of the fuss sounds lovely. I just don't have a lot of energy for that in me and the 'It'll do' version is usually good enough. I do make mince pies though and will bake cookies for Santa tomorrow with the dc.

I think you have got to the stage where it is indeed a bit easier . My kids are grown now and I have been doing Xmas for many years , so have it well organised. You learn as you go on not to get excess like mince pies , if really nobody likes them or a Yule log because it looks nice .
Also young kids are harder as you have to make huge efforts to hide stuff , wrap stuff when they are not around , source the most important thing they ask for etc,

Also, having mulled it over during the afternoon, I remember a lot of 'work' for Christmas growing up and as a picky child I had no interest in the food efforts and just wanted to enjoy the school holidays, I think I'm adverse to that way now.

I've had many stressful Christmases that can all technically be explained by the good reasons given here (extremely limited funds, storage space, time as well as just not having enough practice at managing Christmas!) but looking back I can see that a lot of it was simply me biting off more than I could chew.

Those real pressures have eased now I'm older but I'm also quite protective of a peaceful holiday season and NEVER over-extend myself the way I used to.

I don't think you're missing anything, and I don't think you're stealth-boasting. I just think you have the knack of only committing the resources you can afford to use without leaving the tank dry.

Four kids and their partners, five grandchildren, us - who do you suggest we piss off?

Yep humble brag. I'm so organised, me.

Yeah this. No way in hell would I be doing that.

And it's always women who do it too! Like fuck would a MAN be doing a big showy roast meal for 15 people! Women always do it. And you can bet no man is helping with anything.

Also, there's an air of smugness and humble-bragging in 'look how massive my Christmas day/Christmas dinner is, and look how popular I am, and look at how many family members I have. Aren't I just soooo popular?' YAWWWWN🙄

Would your adult children really be pissed off because you decided not to host 15 people one year? If so, that's pretty poor behaviour on their part.

If I had a family of 15 I would arrange to go out for dinner, or do Christmas Day as individual families and just have a Boxing Day buffet/party where people could come and go as they pleased.

There's no way I'd be hosting 15 people every single Christmas.

Are taking turns not a possibility? Having them bring some food and drink bits? Do their partners not have families too?

I’d be questioning things if family were pissed off at me for not hosting Christmas for that many people. I wouldn’t be pissed if my MIL or my mum didn’t host.

Ooh, I know this isn't the point of the thread @blossomtoes and I know you are feeling stressed but I hope that we can gather a tribe's worth of kids and grandchildren at Christmas when my lot are grown. That looks like winning to me

At the end of the day, it’s just a fancy roast, no matter how many you are catering for.

I remember my mum, back in the day, regularly catering for 16+ people, with only a scullery kitchen, no microwave, no freezer, no dishwasher, no home deliveries. I guess she taught me how to just do it.

So, over the years, I have.

I don’t get all the drama, but perhaps others do get stressed.😗

Exactly this.

I really can't imagine a grown adult with children getting pissed off because their mum didn't want to host 15 people again.

You really can’t imagine that four siblings would want to spend time together and their parents wouldn’t want them? Really? Finding it stressful isn’t the same thing as not wanting to do it.

We have a large family gathering on Boxing Day which is basically a full Christmas meal with all the trimmings and games etc.

But we all rotate duties. E g. One person provides the venue/decorations/wine/beer, another provides the meat course, another does dessert, veg, and fancy on-arrival cocktail. The next year it switches up again. Everyone brings extra booze.

It's work but no-one feels overwhelmed (or broke!).

I really feel for anyone who feels like they have to provide everything for so many people, the stress must be crushing.

Of course I can imagine it, but that doesn't mean one person has to stress themselves out in order to accommodate it every year.

You clearly think it's worth the stress which is great - and nobody's saying you should cancel. They're just saying that it really is a choice and there are other options if you find it too overwhelming.