People make an unnecessary fuss about Christmas

[mikado1]

Or maybe I'm not doing it right/doing enough?

I love Christmas and family traditions etc. But I can't quite understand the weeks of 'Are you all set?' and the general angst. Santa presents were organised here in November, decorations went up two weeks ago, ham and turkey ordered weeks ago. Chocs, biscuits, drinks added into weekly shop over the last few weeks. So now it's a case of getting in the fresh stuff and doing a regular weekend house clean. Granted, it's just immediate family here but even so, do people overdo the craziness/overwhelm maybe? I'm not sure what I'm missing. I'm going out for lunch with friends today and others have commented that they can't believe I have the time to do that this weekend. I did spend an hour in town yesterday getting the stocking bits - books, chocolate coins, trinkets etc. In and out with list. Done.

If you’re only hosting for immediate family obviously that is a lot less work than if you’re hosting for a large group of extended family and friends or if you’re having extra people stay for a few days either side etc.

But that's a choice, isn't it? Nobody needs to have people staying for days on end or to host a meal for 20 people.

Basically if you have enough money it’s not stressful. That’s what it all boils down to as far as I’m concerned.

You were in the position to buy what you needed early without any significant hardship and plan what you wanted.

And don’t get me started on the hyper-inflation of Christmas stupidness that is Elf on the Fucking Shelf, or Christmas Fucking Eve Fucking Boxes…. Or matching disgusting family Christmas pajamas 🤮 🤣 🙈

There is stress and there is fuss. I think, in the absence of stress that the fuss, is nice. It's part of the energy that gets you through the short days.

Well, of course having money helps but nobody needs to spend hundreds of pounds on food for a day.

There was a thread the other day about what people spent on Christmas food and some people were spending £500+. It's crazy and totally unnecessary.

I think people put too much pressure on themselves to have the "perfect" Christmas.

Personally I don't find it stressful.

But

I'm a laid back person
I don't have money worries
I don't have family dramas
My DH equally shares the load
I know how to cook.

Not everyone is in my situation

I appreciate what you're saying but no, in the cases of the fuss I'm referring to, it's not the issue at all. In fact they've likely spent much more. I think maybe I just methodical to the point of boring.

I agree with OP. All the posters saying "but what about ..." - they are all situations you have created for yourselves. You don't have to have 44 parties each catering for 76 guests. You don't have to buy 12 presents each for every member of your extended family. You don't have to attend an event every night for the whole month.

Some people just like being busy and overwhelmed.

I’m not stressed, but I have been off work for a few days, my kids are teens, we aren’t hosting anyone this year and I’m not skint or ill.

If any of those factors were different - working over Christmas, young kids, hosting, skint or unwell - I’d be stressed.

It’s definitely quite a boring question but that’s small talk for you. I don’t really think about Christmas until a week or maybe 2 weeks before.

It might be a choice to an extent but at the same time their can be an element of obligation involved too.

People generally don't feel its 'right' to leave parents, the childless Aunt and Uncle, or single mum home alone on what is meant to be a socialable occasion.

Don't forget THE MENTAL LOAD

Some people drag Christmas out for months, I don't start until December, 10th December this year to be precise. Took me 10 days to do everything, far less stressful than months if prep

I do see what you're saying, but none of that means you have to go all-out to the point that you don't get a second to yourself until the middle of January.

You can still see Great Aunt Doris and have your parents round for dinner without all the drama and stress.

I admit it's my choice not to start until mid December by the way, I can't stand the months of planning

My friend is making up 9 stockings each with about 10 items in and she wrapping all the stuff up, I am like why would you do that? I didn’t even know wrapping stocking bits and pieces was a thing.
Then she’s going to 5 different supermarkets to get certain things from each place that her family enjoy. Again I do think this is making a lot of needless work for herself.

Also to add that I think there is an element of privilege in being able to get yourself sorted. I pulled Christmas dinner “out of nowhere” last year according to my FIL but actually I had spent the two days previous making desserts, setting the table, chopping veg, prepping the turkey so come Xmas lunch time there was very little prep or washing up that needed to be done - I just shoved it all in the oven. I had also cooked my turkey on Christmas Eve and heated it up in gravy (something my mum used to do, it’s honestly moister than regular turkey that way) so I had carved it and boxed up leftovers/frozen the carcass etc. so basically very little stress at all.

I was able to do this because I had lots of annual leave so could take time off and am generally a competent and organised person. Some people don’t have the executive functioning skills to get themselves together.

Depends. I sometimes wonder but then I forget things and am in Tesco doing a last minute dash. I also don't cook or have people over. I was in home bargains earlier and someone was talking about 14 over on Boxing Day. I don't even have 14 in my family but that's just their kids and partmers. id be stressed at that.

I've reached a fabulous time of life. Just me and one undemanding adult DC still at home. Nobody's expected round so I haven't bothered with decorations. We've been invited for dinner on the day by DS1, so all we have to do is turn up with presents for the DGC and try not to knock their tree over. (Nearly failed the tree test on our last visit, when DS4 and DGC1 decided to play football in the lounge.) Even the presents were easy as DS1 sent me links to what everyone wanted, nothing expensive, so all I had to do was order and wrap them. Well, maybe shove them in bags. I suck at wrapping.

Boxing Day we're going round to DSis bearing foods which she is going to prepare for us (mad woman likes that kind of thing) while we watch her telly and try to persuade her cats we are not dangerous - and a few small gifts for which, again, DSis supplied a pick list; minor expense, no brain strain.

Posh chocs ordered online and sent direct to other DC. Card to DB, box of biscuits for work colleagues, and done. Yet I still manage to get in a stress about it! This is because I'm pathologically unable to deal with something until it's very nearly too late.

Such a massive difference from when DC were small, we had 0 money and too many pets, lived in non-standard accommodation, and XH was pretty much useless, not to say sometimes obstructive (but nowhere near as deliberately awkward as DF when we were growing up). I think I'm owed this one.

It’s not a choice if you have elderly parents or if your adult children want to spend Christmas with you.

Sounds like YOU are making more of an unnecessary fuss about Christmas than anyone else@mikado1 😆

Some people just like the drama 🤷‍♀️

But equally it does sort of depend on what you’re doing. Staying at home with a few extra people with standard food needs is pretty stress free. But things like visitors for a few days, going away, people who are vegan, or not having enough money to buy things in advance, having a house which needs work or where the heating isn’t working, catering for 10-14 people, extended family visits on different days or even just being so busy with work/ school in December or Jude being ill can make it all a lot more stressful or difficult to prepare for.

But even if you feel you don't have a choice, you still don't need to stress yourself out over what is basically a slightly fancy roast dinner.

If I was doing Christmas for immediate family only in my own house I wouldn’t be stressed either and it wouldn’t be a big fuss.

As it is, we have 3 siblings & families travelling from different parts of the UK to our elderly parents house. Siblings have all liaised to cater all the different meals over a 3 day period so we have to organise to pack the usual clothes, toiletries etc but also all the presents & food & even a few camp beds and bedding.

A very different situation and much more “fuss”

I've been quite stressed this year cos I don't actually want to do Xmas anymore, but I have to cos I have young teens. I don't enjoy the cosy bollocks or the lights or the trees. I've done 42 xmases. I'm over it. Consequently, everything has been left until last minute cos I've kind of been ignoring it. I'm supposed to wrapping presents now, but I really cba. I don't want to sit around eating shit and vegetating. I'm bored already. And I am coming down with a cold.

I've not been great at hiding any of this either, which has subsequently made me feel guilty.

I'm not depressed; enjoy work and going out (although not had as many nights out as I'd like), but I'm done with Xmas. None of us are religious, so it's all bollocks. I should have done something to mark the solstice instead, although what I actually want is spring.