Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

I'm sorry but your DH childhood christmas sounds a bit joyless.

Surely waiting for Christmas day is plenty enough for delayed gratification. Your way is how we always did it and I reckon is more fun. It is still family time if you play with the new things together.

Wow good luck with getting the children to open the presents gradually throughout the day and not play with their toys!!

Not being allowed to play with new toys on the day has got to be one of the most stupid things I've heard

We used to open through the day when I was a kid

We open all at once now, why not

Your Christmas sounds exactly like ours was when the kids were young. Your husband's sounds very formal.

Couldn't you compromise a bit? Do his morning with stockings, a couple of presents, walk and then lunch, and do your afternoon opening the rest of the presents and playing with them, the nearly evening for nibbles and board games?

There's usually a thread around this time about this divide- it's a class thing! I'm with you OP. Let your children enjoy themselves.

Your husband's way sounds shit, sorry.

How about compromise?

Your DHs Christmas sounds dreary but coming down and ripping open all the represents is not good either!

My kids open stockings, we have a late breakfast, then we sit down as a family to open gifts one by one, as its lovely yo watch the kids reactions and also to note down who bought what for thank you letters!

Them the kids play while grown ups cookm family meal, then TV, chocolate, games etc...

Is there not a middle ground here?

stockings - good breakfast - walk - couple of presents - lunch - rest of presents - afternoon spent playing with presents / games - good tea - board games

Surely there is room for compromise? Open a few presents stop and have a nice breakfast. Open some more have dinner then a walk then chilled time playing games or with the new toys?

i think often coming down opening everything and then being done can make most of the day pretty anticlimactic

I couldn’t tolerate being married to such a misery. He sounds like he’s going to spend your children’s childhood sucking the fun out of everything. Tell him to go to his parents house if that’s how he wants to spend Christmas Day. Please don’t allow him to ruin the magic and enjoyment for your small children. There is such small window of when there is really excitement and a buzz in the house.

We would do stockings in bed with parents, down for breakfast etc. Sometimes out for a walk, church if with granny. Light lunch with champagne and presents at lunchtime ish. Big dinner at 4, 5ish.

This is what we've always done too.

We do it a bit more like him- and we have a lovely day. My adult children like to keep the same format.

Theres room for compromise though!

It makes my skin crawl when I see children diving Willy nilly into piles of gifts- they forget what they’ve been given, or who from.

If the gifts are given out a few at a time, then played with, it works really nicely. They really pay attention to what they receive and enjoy it more.

We do Immediate family Presents on the day, then extended family over the next few days. Everything gets thoroughly played with, no small bits get lost before the games even been played, and we have loads of family time and loads of fun with presents.

Compromise.

I used to open stocking presents straight away in the morning.

Then tree presents were later on after breakfast - but definitely not after church which we all thought was cruel. There were always some miserable children who weren't allowed to open presents til after, watching all the others showing off their new toys.

If you DH seriously thinks 2 4-yr-old boys won't play with new toys on Christmas Day then he is delusional. I would be tempted to let him crack on and see how that plan goes!

You need to come to a compromise you’re both happy with going forward-starting your own traditions. Stockings first, breakfast, a few presents, walk sound like a good start. Then more presents throughout the day and plenty of playing with them sounds good too!

Going for a walk is entirely pointless for anyone under 20, and having to do it on Christmas Day as some weird puritanical way of stopping children enjoying presents is really horrible.

If you want to avoid everything being opened at once, you can hide some to produce later on.

Your children's are too young to make them refrain from opening them all at once. Can you imagine telling a 4yr old that he can open this present and that present but not the next few? It would be confusing.

However as they get older I think savouring some and doing a walk in between sounds nice too.

Christmas Eve is delayed gratification - doesn’t he remember how long the day was ?

We do stockings in bed, breakfast then presents under the tree.

You know your kids best but will you be ok fending off the questions about what time to open gifts ? I’d personally hate that.

I think that the no tv rule is pretty inflexible. Falling asleep in front of the Dr Who Xmas special is a fond memory of mine and it might be nice to have the option of a film so that you can get a cheeky nap in.

I started to save one present each to be opened after Christmas dinner/lunch has been cleared away and that worked really well.

We did do the Christmas walk and I don't remember anyone ever enjoying it, to the extent it became like sprouts - nobody liked them either but 'tradition' meant we all insisted they were there.

I think there is a happy medium to be struck here. Can you find a compromise?

Stockings on their own, civilised breakfast then all presents but 1 at a time, with the paper recycling as you go piling them up so they know what they have.

Your DH's Christmas sounds royally shit.