Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

Jeez who has a format for a day, enjoy spending time together, family, extended family, friends, food, drinks, playing with toys the more the merrier!
surely apart from deciding we should eat at x o’clock what else is there to plan ?

So as far as compromise goes...

1. I'm open to going for a walk after morning presents and before lunch. Although it would be weather dependent as I'm not spending Xmas walking around in the rain/snow etc

2. I do see the good in spacing out the gifts a bit. I like the idea of the boys being able to appreciate who each gift is from so maybe something like stockings and Santa gifts in the morning and then do gifts from family and friends after lunch?

3. we're already in agreement that church and kings speech is out. Neither of us are religious or royalists. We also both grew up with board games on Xmas so we're agreeable there too.

4. Like many posters have said I don't agree with making them wait til boxing day to play with new toys. This seems needlessly cruel to me and is probably the main thing I really don't want to compromise on.

5. The big restriction on sweets is a problem for me too. DH seems to be under the impression that they'll go feral by having access to chocolates, mince pies etc through the day. I think our boys can understand that like with their birthday this is a rare treat and doesn't change how things are done usually.

6. We don't need the TV on all day but I know the boys would probably love to watch a film together at some point and think at least doing that isn't too much to ask.

I think both ways sound lovely!

Only bit I think is awful is making them wait to play with their toys - sounds like a good way to guarantee a tantrum just when you want things to be nice!

Are you spending Christmas with the grinch?

Your husband is a twat, what a horrible day. Stockings, breakfast, or a small break for church or whatever, then presents. For Gods sake they’re 4.
I’d be knocking back the Bailey’s by 8am if I were you.

Because children can find the excitement of Christmas pretty overwhelming, so getting some fresh air and exercise is a good way of breaking up the day and tiring them out a bit.
This, and our children have some outdoor time most days because it's good for them. Why would be spend the day cooped up inside just because it's Christmas?

Wow, weird and controlling to not allow dc to use new toys - I'm surprised your dh remembers that fondly! Maybe a compromise like stockings before and main presents after breakfast and a park play or walk?

Your plan sounds lovely, OP. Plenty of fun whilst having enough breathing space to acknowledge who has bought what.

My husband isn’t quite as extreme as the OP’s but very middle class. I think he’s just proud of middle class values like hard work and discipline and looks down on the upper classes as much as anyone. It’s not necessarily aspirational.
Good luck OP!

My dc play with their toys but they do stockings then breakfast then 2 gifts from Santa sack , then church then rest of Santa sack, then lunch. Then fanily presents from the tree opened every half an hour or so handed out and each family member opens one at the same time. We play games watch Xmas movies eat chocolate. Then just before bed the dc open a present each from dh and I. It's a much nicer way of doing it and replicates my childhood. The dc find it strange and feel bad for the other dc at church who have opened all their presents by 8am!

I'm with you, I'm not sure my sons could wait through the day at 4
It's part of the joy to watch them tearing through the presents and let them eat chocolate for breakfast
I hope you can find a compromise
YANBU

I'm in between. Stocking first thing then breakfast and walk, then dinner and tree presents. Then tea and games. We're third generation in with this format now and find it works. We have tried it your way OP but agreed that having all the presents in the morning meant the afternoon felt a bit long and flat, and missing the fresh air part made everyone feel stodgy.

Pretty much everybody gets outside for fresh air on Christmas Day. I don't think that's what people were arguing against?
Not being allowed to play with their toys is just bizarre. Weird that op is putting it down to her husband's "poshness", too.

You DH sounds like he would get on like a house on fire with my mil. Everything had to be her way. I used to get so bored I used to fall asleep on their sofa only to wake up to them glaring at me. As a special Christmas treat they used to give us a square of chocolate after a board game to go with the cup of tea.

Compromise. We do stockings first thing and other presents in the afternoon, and it helps to spread out the excitement.

When my dc were small I found it easier to get the presents opened first thing, get the rubbish cleared up, sometimes run the hoover around if it’s messy and then they can entertain themselves with new toys whilst I cook and entertain and family guests. As they got older we changed it a little and it’s much more steady, they have stockings first thing them we have a breakfast before starting in tree presents, sometimes we save a couple for later in the day, dinner is later and if the weathers nice we fit in a walk.

You don’t have to do it the way you or your dh did as kids, you could make new traditions and compromise on the present opening?

I've comprised and allowed tv during the day I don't like it but DH's family do. Thankfully dc are now teens into music so we have records instead.

We have chocolate at breakfast but not during the day, we have a nice breakfast and lunch, for us Boxing Day is the relaxed snacking day not Christmas Day.

It can be tricky sorting out Christmas Day as it is an emotional day and it is hard to move from the traditions you are used to.

We do a combination of both - stockings and Santa present first thing, then get showered and dressed and have breakfast, then the rest of the presents, then just lazing around until dinner at about 3/4.

could you reach a similar compromise?

Open the presents and then just look at them?! That’s more than just the class differences of gift opening times.

Next time your husband is feeling amorous drop hints that you will be up for it tonight, put on your best underwear, start to kiss him and when he has under dressed you tell him he isn’t allowed to play until tomorrow.

Pretty much everybody gets outside for fresh air on Christmas Day. I don't think that's what people were arguing against?

They were - people upthread were wondering why you'd insist on a walk on Christmas Day and saying they think it's weird that so many people do it when they don't do it on other days.

This is the best way.

This.

What a sad way to do Christmas. The joy is completely gone that way

Playing with gifts should be a manditory joy.
Op, are you spending the day without guests, with just the four of you?

Lots of people have a format as it makes it less stressful for them - it's really not that odd or unusual.

Some people loved walking as a child, I know I did (still do) but we always had a dog.