Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

Your husband’s way sounds 🥱 🥱 🥱

I agree with others, his way is rubbish

Let them open all their presents in the morning. Delayed gratification is not for Christmas Day.

My DHC will open their stockings at home. Go to church then come round to mine where we have a pile of gifts under the tree. We all open ours together after the DGC have given them all out. It’s then lunch, the king and then games. Works for us.

Killjoy, he is a right bundle of laugh, so when they eventually open their presents they are not allowed to play with them on Xmas day, cruel, totally unreasonable tell your DH to have a lovely day at his parents

Can’t help but think this is one of those piss take posts. Who in their right mind would even attempt to stop a nearly 4 yr old opening presents?

Protocol, on Xmas Day??

Not being allowed to play with presents on Christmas Day sounds a bit miserable

With two four-year-olds?
For fun I looked up protocol:

1. the official procedure or system of rules governing affairs of state or diplomatic occasions.
2. the original draft of a diplomatic document, especially of the terms of a treaty agreed to in conference and signed by the parties.

Nah our 4 don't dive in or it would be rip one open and the next and next and just chucked in a big pile. There used to doing a few at a time tho not at any specified time lol. We just let our day roll natirally

Why not have a compromise between the two? We do a sort of middle ground, the children come down in the morning and open their stockings straight away in our bed, then we have no presents until everyone is up and dressed ready for the day (usually about 9am). Then we all open a few presents each together, and head off to church at 9:30. When we come home from church we open the rest (and I crack on with the cooking in between watching the children with their gifts) and spend the rest of the day eating, drinking and playing with presents. We go out for a walk on the beach at some point in the afternoon and have to go out twice early and late to sort out the horses and farm animals. Our kids have never complained and it’s all fairly informal and jolly. They often take a new toy to church with them, and don’t seem to mind the break in opening gifts.

What the fuck is the point of a walk round the park! Ffs

Sounds grim. Epecially for four year olds.

We've always done stocking and a present from santa in the morning first thing and everything else after lunch ever since DC were toddlers. They've never known any different (teens now)

My dc have always seen presents under the tree from Christmas Eve and opened them after Lunch.
Why would dc not be able wait? Even my dc with ADHD managed it without particular problems.

You need to find your own way of doing things as a family. For my DH it was opening all presents at 4am as a family. I said absolutely no effing way and now we do it after breakfast. You could open all presents just before lunch and go for a walk with family after and play with toys after that or something xx

Having seen my eldest (as a 3 year old) pounce on presents and rip all the wrapping of her gifts like a junkie needing her next hit, I devised a plan that seems to work well, even now that they are DD 22 & DS 18.
We have the opening of their stockings, previously on our bed, now down in the kitchen while we have coffee (daughter refuses to give up stocking, despite living in flat shares the last 4 years 🤣)
Then we do ‘Christmas Countdown’ - I number their gifts from highest to lowest (number 1 being the ‘main gift’)
They open a couple (obviously there are fewer now they are older) we chat about those gifts, then we go & have breakfast, back for a couple more, before the final few.
It spreads it over a couple of hours.
Then we hand over any gifts under the tree and they give their Dad & me gifts.
This stopped the opening ‘frenzy’ when they were little, and now they enjoy the time spent discussing gifts and appreciate the prolonging of present opening.

Sounds like he's happy to compromise OP which is good. I'm sure you will find a happy middle groubd
*Side q- When everyone say stocking presents do you mean just a stocking and the rest of presents from Santa or just the stocking and open the rest from Santa through the day?

This.
Fancy not being allowed to play with your new toys on Christmas Day.
We're his parents always so controlling?

We do Santa stuff in the morning. Have a nice brunch and walk or go to church if with the side of the family who are religious. Then come home and all chip in with the cooking. Have Xmas dinner. Clear up. Then do family presents. Which can take a while as we have a big family. Then play some games. I guess we all have our own traditions. It was a bit tricky when my DP and I got together and it became apparent his family traditions were quite different to mine. We had a couple of arguments about it. It’s actually really hard to let go of your own personal traditions isn’t it? I don’t think there is any harm in spacing the gifts out a bit. Maybe find a compromise..?

The children are too young to understand this approach imho. A stepped morning, sure, carefully handled.

An hour is a LONG time when you're that age.

I wonder if your DH bought himself a new iPad / phone etc or was bought one, how he’d feel about not being allowed to touch it for a week! Because let’s face it a day to a four year old must feel like forever!
my daughter used to open all the presents from us on Christmas morning and leave ‘friend’ presents till Boxing Day. Then we’d go to my parents for Christmas dinner and then she’d open presents from family.

At 4 you will probably find they’ll sit and want to play with each toy before unwrapping the next one anyway, my DD at that age opened a present and sat and played, then opened another - played…. It took forever to open them all!!

I find your husbands Christmas very regimented and dare I say controlling!
My ex used to open all his presents in the afternoon, he remembers sneaking off one year and opening everything secretly, including his brothers - ruined Christmas!….. but I do think being that restrictive encourages sneakiness. Waiting for Christmas to
come and waiting for Father Christmas is super excitement…. I can’t imagine seeing a mountain of presents and being told ‘you can only open one!!….. then you can’t actually play with it! Its like taking them to a sweet shop and saying no you’re not allowed any

Happy Christmas.

Why would this be an issue? Children, even nearly 4 year olds, are capable of listening to their parents and waiting if told to. My 5 year old had no problem waiting, I told him he had to wait until 8 o'clock and then he could bring his stocking to me and we'd open it together and he did very happily, and then waited until after breakfast for some presents, and until the afternoon for the rest. Zero issues, lots of joy.

Merry Christmas OP!!
Do tell us what happened!!

I have to say I mostly agree with your husband. We open stockings in the morning then play with those, have lunch then open tree gifts after lunch. Takes a lot of the afternoon, spreads the excitement and gives each gift the attention it deserves. For example, my daughter is currently making loom bands from her new set and my husband and son are playing wizard chess! Family harmony ❤️