Disagreement with DH about Xmas day protocol with the children

[Socksforxmas]

DH and I have twin boys who will turn 4 in a few weeks and this Christmas feels really special to us with it being the first one that they seem to understand. Previous Christmases they were too young to really get it but this year they're really excited about the whole thing.

We've run into a disagreement about how the format of the day should be. In my household growing up my brother and I would get up in the morning, open our stockings in bed with a parent and then head into the living room to dive into all the presents (opening all of them), have 2-3 hours of playing with our new things before lunch is served and then family activities for the rest of the night (playing games, watching whatever Christmas specials, all with lots of sweet treats, chocolates, nice drinks etc).

For DH it was get up in the morning, open stockings and then open 1 or 2 presents, leave the rest to go on a family walk around the park, come back for lunch, open a few more presents, do a board game of some kind and then opening the rest of the presents slowly throughout the day, watching the queens speech (only TV allowed on the day). They weren't allowed to play with new toys on the day (that's what boxing day is for and Christmas is for family) and there were strict rules regarding how much sweets they were allowed. Also a church visit at some point.

With the exception of going church and watching the queens(kings) speech which he has no interest in doing, he wants to pretty much recreate his parents way of doing Christmas as he thinks it's a good way of teaching the boys about the importance of family time and delayed gratification. I see where he's coming from but tbh it all sounds a bit miserable to me...

Every other day of the year we're fairly strict about our the twins diets, amount of screen time, and teaching them to be patient, respectful of others and they are for the majority of time very well behaved children who abide our rules well. I always thought of Christmas as being the one day a year where they could just go nuts and not have so much restriction and control on them. I'd like them to be able to tear into all their presents right away, have time to play with their new things etc

Aibu to think Christmas should be an exception to the usual strict and fairly controlled environment they're in or do DHs ideas have more merit?

Your way is pretty much how I did it as a kid and how we do with ours but in between stocking and tree presents we do have breakfast.

i do think it’s bizarre and a bit mean to say they can’t play with their new toys on Xmas day

My sister and I were always up early and went downstairs to see our presents. They were never wrapped. When older presents under the tree were opened at breakfast.
Toys were looked at but we actually spent most of the morning reading our books and annuals.
Not being lowed to play with our toys or read our books until the next day wouldn't have gone down very well. Sounds very joyless and a bit bah humbug tbh. Plus us with our toys and books kept us occupied until dinner was ready and out from under our mum's feet.
Sure this is an opportunity for your dh to play with the boys and have fun. What does he mean by family time. Two four year olds are not exactly are going to have scintillating conversations with you all day. I mean you can give them a time with their toys as well as maybe watch a movie or go for a walk especially if they have got bikes or scooters.

They are only young, let them have some fun!!! Your dh s childhood sounds bloody miserable!!!

I agree there’s some room for compromise.

However, giving a 4 year old a new toy and not allowing them to play with it is unfair- almost exercising power over children for the sake of it.

Not playing with new things is crazy. But I can see the appeal of opening a few presents at a time - but for me that would be to allow time to play with each for a bit, not set them aside for 24hrs.

I think there's some room for compromise.

I would do something like stockings in bed, breakfast and walk, presents and time to play with them, lunch, an afternoon of games/toys and then an evening of Christmas films and treats.

It makes my skin crawl when I see children diving Willy nilly into piles of gifts- they forget what they’ve been given, or who from.

If the gifts are given out a few at a time, then played with, it works really nicely. They really pay attention to what they receive and enjoy it more

You're very dramatic aren't you?
A 4yr old will not give a flying hoot even if they know who it's from.

We do stocking and main presents from parents, and immediate family in the morning, and the presents from Santa and others who may have given them in the afternoon after lunch. No TV plenty of playing with our presents and board games.

Those who wanted to went for a walk-in the afternoon

i would suggest a compromise and the start of traditions for your family by combining both. So sticking and some presents in the morning, rest after lunch, no TV but yes to playing with toys and board games.

It’s a recipe for a massive tantrum. It’s just unnecessarily mean.

I’m ever so posh. And yes, DH way is how I was brought up, but I much prefer your way OP and that’s how we do things now with our children.

Opening presents throughout the day is just not fun at all for DC.

We used to open presents in the morning. Go for a walk. Lunch. Play with presents. TV

Goodness DHs childhood christmases sound so sad. He wasn’t allowed to play with his toys on Christmas Day? Thats shit.
I agree with a PP this must be a class thing because I know absolutely no one in real life who makes their children wait to open presents or makes them spread them out after a walk. All sounds pompous and utterly joyous.
There must be a compromise in there but if I was you I’d have to put my foot down a bit - they’re 4! Let them have fun and tell DH to unclench for 24 hours.

So how does that work when a child wants to see if Santa has been?
Are we assuming it's the stocking from Santa? Because plenty of children get a stocking and other gifts from the big man.

If I did a stocking for my 4yr old up in bed he would still want to see if Santa had eaten the mince pie and drank the whisky in the living room. How do you drag a child away from that?!

This is how we do it. Always been perfect for us.

Also feels kind of a nicer way of appreciating things rather than a mad rush to get into it all.

We did (Santa) stockings first thing and all other gifts after lunch. It's the way I was brought up so passed onto my kids. When they were small stockings would include at least one "doing" thing and one "wow" thing but once they were a bit older they preferred everything after lunch. The fact we got up and travelled most years made a difference too

Lol I'm with you OP. You can't do that to bairns man.

Your DH's Christmas sounds frankly terrible. I would go so far as to say it must have been horrific! And completely joyless. The complete opposite of what most people strive to create at Christmas.

Im all for merging your families traditions to make them your own but there is no way on earth Id be doing any of what your DH wants.

It also depends how many presents there are! At that age DS1 would get overwhelmed so we used to open very very slowly through the day (and often into Boxing Day!).

I cringe inside at the idea of DC not acknowledging who the present is from. We did one at a time growing up and I was definitely not scarred by the experience. I expect my DSs to either thank the giver in person or write a note too and I know here that’s seen as a bit po-faced but it strikes me as basic manners.

@FastingBitchFace

Rubbish, always gone for a walk with whatever dog we had, one year it snowed at lunchtime so we went again!

I can understand opening presents slowly throughout the day for young kids, that's what we are planning to do. They just get overwhelmed when there is too much, I prefer they open a few at a time and play with them.

But the rest is OTT! Not playing with the new toys on the day in particular seems quite mean to me!

I hope you can get nd a compromise between your two family traditions and make up your own.

Your DH’s Christmas sounds very stiff and buttoned-up, like the sort of Christmas a child home from boarding school in the 1920s might have with their uptight military parents who they barely see.

I think there’s a middle ground. I don’t think unwrapping everything first thing is good, what do you do for the rest of the day? Nice to spread things out

I'm trying to imagine scenarios where millions of children just simply forget about playing with their presents or what they are because they've opened them all at once.

Do the presents crawl away and hide like some nightmarish Toy Story because they haven't had a few buttons pressed for 3 hours before the next present is opened?

I'm with you, op. It's one day of the year.

They won't turn into mannerless savages being allowed to throw restrictions to the wind on Christmas Day. Stick to your guns.

Is there a compromise? Maybe the presents can be opened slowly (might be better with young children anyway), but they can play with toys on the day (not being allowed to do this is absolutely insane).