Would it upset you if people thought you were grandparents and not parents?

[familiesarrggghhhhh]

This has happened twice to me now. First time in after school club, gave the names of my DC and the lady said “are you the grandma” - erm no I’m not

then last week we were at a park with the DC on their bikes, a couple in their 70’s walked past and said “it’s lovely coming out with the grandkids isn’t it”

I was mortified. I’m 43 so yes I’m an older mum. I have 4 year old twins. My DH is 51 but I honestly don’t think I look like a grandma.

AIBU to be upset and feel a bit down by it or is it just part and parcel of being an “older” mum. But then I think this isn’t 30 years ago, I was 38 when I had my twins (ok I turned 39 when they were 4 weeks old 😂)

we definitely didn’t plan it this way, we went through 5 rounds of IVF to get our twins.

just feeling a little sensitive as I’m also right in the middle of peri menopause, and this just feels like another kick in the teeth

Hell my sister gets mistaken for my
Mum, she is 3.5 years older than me 😂 ( she doesn't find it funny) and we actually look very alike.

Some people are just idiots!

He’s 51, I’m yet to meet a 51 year old who has grandchildren

It's happened to me a couple of times where people have made casual comets like this. Definitely not upset by the comments, I'm proud to be their DM.

My late DF (then early 60s but fit) visited me in hospital after I had DC, the midwife on the ward thought he was the dad. My dad was not very amused when she said something along the lines of no judgement here.

Some people are clueless. I used to hate picking up my sister from school because people kept asking if I was her mum. There was only 8 years between us!

I think you probably dress and look older than you are otherwise different people wouldn’t be making that mistake. Maybe in the new year revamp your style a bit and wear make up.

It would upset me too OP. I think it’s really rude and unnecessary. 43 is not an older mum - there’s never a need to state whether a mum is older or younger. What next? Fat mum? Ugly mum?

My parents were 38 and 48 when i was born, in the 1970s.
They were taken for my grandparents on a daily basis!

I feel you op. Twin boys here too who've just gone 4, I turned 38 a few weeks after their birth so I'm imminently 42.
When they were about 2 a bloke decided to talk at me in the supermarket - the usual.
Are they twins? Oh yeah identical are they? You got twins on your family? My aunty's neighbours sister had twins. So you the Nan then?

I answered all the other questions politely - yes, yes, no, lovely.

The last question got a very cold stare and a firm "no".

He shut up.

I'm really conscious at school I'm one of the oldest until they've got older kids. We're not in an affluent area, average age at first birth is probably low twenties apart from a few outliers (i was 33 when I had PFB)

I had my dcs at 38 and 42. I'm 44 now and no one has ever taken me to be their gran, at least not to my face. I live in North London where it's a slightly above average age to have dc - I think if I lived somewhere where mums had dcs mostly in their 20s I might expect it and wouldn't be upset by it.

I'd judge myself as looking slightly younger than my age, I'm lucky to only have light wrinkles and no grey hair.

I think most people would assume you were mum when you could be either.

At 43 with a four year old it is perfectly normal to be either. My dad was 43 when I was four - he was also grandad to a three year old, and my 41 year old mum was step-grandma to the three year old too. I would always default to parent but...

I offended a grandma at a child's birthday party once by assuming she was mum (at a guess mid forties with a four year old). She was quite rude about it really - guess I really offended her. Maybe she was older than 45 ish and thought I was taking the piss 🤐

43 is definitely an older mum, just as 23 is a younger mum.

I would be upset too. I would always make the assumption that a 40-something is the mum, hell… even a 50 odd looking, just to be on the safe side.

Having said that, my mum was a grandmother in her 40s, but late 40s, and of babies, which probably isn’t that unusual.

Where I live parents do tend to be late 30's/40's and I'm one of the youngest but for this very reason when I'm dealing with patients at work (paediatrics) I never assume the adult with the child. I always say 'so James, who is this adult you've brought with you today?' And the child will say - this is my mum/grandad/foster carer. I think it's difficult to tell people's ages so I always err on the side of caution! Don't give it another thought, people are sometimes clumsy!

They are rude. I had DC1 at 39 and no one had made comments like this. Unless it’s obviously the grandparents, I would never say grand kids and such. By obvious I mean pensioners with your 4yo twins.

You may not have met any 51 year old grandparents but it's really very common. My own parents were 49 and 50 when I had my oldest child and my grandmother was 48 when I was born. I am the outlier as I don't have grandchildren yet and probably won't for some time yet. There have always been older parents and in decades gone by they looked older than their age so the assumption that they were grandparents was not unlikely. I had my children in the nineties and was in my twenties with the first two and early thirties with my third. This was very much the average age at the time. Many of my friends are now grandparents and have school aged grandchildren so were in their late forties/early fifties when they became grandparents. Sometimes a parent can have a surprise late baby when their own older children are becoming parents themselves. There are so many variations with the age of grandparents but I would still think that the average age to become grandparents would be in the early to mid fifties.

Happened to my mother all the time, she had my sister at 38. Peoplr also regularly thought I was my sisters mum, even though I’m only 10 years older. I can see why it’s upsetting!

51 is hardly vanishingly young to be a grandparent! My stepmum was a great gran at 51 😂

Oh gosh there's no hope for me then, had ds at just turned 43, so I've got years ahead of me of people mistaking me for his granny! Hasn't happened yet, but slightly dreading being the oldest school mum. Also have an older dd so can see her getting mistaken for his mum when she's older - she'll be cringing!

On the flip side I saw a woman who I thought was late 30s early 40s with a toddler in Asda the other day and I thought she was the mum until I heard her tell someone it was her grand child!

In my area people have kids in their mid 30s and early 40s, so no one would consider the children to be your grandchildren.
however, one dad at school looks considerably older than he is (grey hair, big belly, the way he dresses, and his mannerisms) - he always gets mistaken for his child’s grandparent (and his wife’s father - there are only 7 years between them, but she looks very young, and he… doesn’t).
next time… just nod and say “oh no, that one is my child, and that one is my great grand child” and then walk away…

Happened to me! I’m 46 and daughter is 9 - I was asked if she was my granddaughter!

I'm 44 and my grandkids are 3,2 and 1. Petite ask me if I'm their mum. But they also seem to think my husband is my dad so 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

50s is a very normal age to be a grandparent. I know many people who were grandparents in their mid 40s. My mum was a grandma in her late 40s. All my friends with children made their parents grandparents in their early to mid 40s.

I was 21 when I had my first child , straight out of university in a affluent area . People assumed my dad was my husband !!!!