To be really pissed off with nursery about this?

[Undertheladder]

I know I’ll probably be flamed for this but have been trying to potty train ds, obviously not very well. But FIVE piss wet through pants? He does pee on the potty when told, so AIBU to wonder wtf is going on?

I don't think you've done anything wrong. Just keep going.

What about just leaving him in wet trousers?

It's not nursery's job to teach your child how to use the potty. Take him home.

If you think he’s just not bothering to ask and doesn’t care if he wets himself, have you tried reward charts where he gets a sticker or similar everytime he independently takes himself to the potty? Also, absolutely make changing himself a bit boring if you think he’s just weeing because he doesn’t want to stop the fun thing, obviously no punishments but taking him away from toys and the TV is completely reasonable. Ultimately you want to make him feel like the easiest and least fuss option is stopping what he’s doing to use the toilet, not weeing in his pants and getting to watch TV whilst mummy sorts it.

That seems such a long time to be potty training. I waited for all of mine (3dc) to be ready and it took 3 days max for each. If you want to avoid the stress, go back to pull ups for a few weeks and try again.

I do really appreciate these replies, as I do think it’s something that needs to be taught. I realise accidents will happen but regular reminders will mean he gets there. If I go back to nappies he will just wee in them.

YABVU. We started potty training about 2 months ago. Some days DS is clean and dry all day. Today (at home, plenty of access to the potty) 3 accidents, 2 totally wet through. Nursery describe him as a child who is “potty trained and rarely has accidents”. Remember that son is learning to hold it not how to go on the potty. Give them a break. The average time to potty train is 6 months and even then you can still expect accidents for a few years. ERIC can offer advice if needed.

Don’t fucking do this. Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately @MolkosTeenageAngst he isn’t too bothered about rewards in that sense. It would have to be immediate! He has just started to poo on the potty but it’s hit and miss. I praise him lots and think I’m making slow progress then this happens and 😭

Obviously I’m not going to leave him in wet trousers and even if I was nasty and abusive he’d take them off himself.

@Fancycheese

Well if he's being changed as soon as he's wet himself then he's not going to feel so uncomfortable that he'd rather use the potty the next time?

That’s encouraging even if you didn’t mean it to be @PurBal !

I'm not saying all day FFS just not changing him out of them immediately

He’s 3. He’s perfectly capable of being toilet trained, barring cognitive or physical disabilities - and even then there are moves towards dignity and self care that can be made. ‘Being ready’ is not a good yardstick.

OP you are not wrong to be disappointed that nursery have not been consistent with the messaging about going to the toilet. Of course it’s going to be difficult for them when it’s busy and there are Christmas activities going on, but this is exactly why there are children going to school with continence issues. Because ‘being ready’ is not a real thing!

Surely you’re then not drawing their attention to the fact they should have used to potty?

Also the accidents - can I make a mild suggestion and you can agree or disagree. I initially did the 'oh it's ok, no problem' thing. Then I decided that sold the wrong message so changed that to more of a 'oh dear, wee on the floor, that's not right, wee goes in the potty! Let's clean that up, wee goes in the potty not in your clothes' etc.

Would a sticker or a chocolate button be immediate enough for him?

Also, have you tried building the times he goes to the toilet into a very predictable routine? This works well for some children who struggle with interoception and can’t easily recognise when they need to wee. So you don’t just remind him at random times, you make sure he goes to the toilet every day before snack time, then every day straight after lunch, then every day before afternoon snack, then everyday before dinner etc. That way even if he isn’t yet recognising the need to wee he will at least learn to knows when in the day to take himself to the toilet and can learn to go at those set times without being reminded.

@Undertheladder I didn’t mean it to sound so grumpy tbh! Sorry! There will be loads of people who tell you their child was potty trained in 3 days but I think that’s an exception rather than a rule. Boys take longer too.

Yeah, just use abuse and neglect rather than hard work!

STUPID comment

@Whatsinthebag2 i have tried saying ‘where does wee / poo go’ and he replies ‘the potty!’ He does know and he’s very pleased with himself when he does wees and poos on there.

Thanks for these replies. I was just a bit upset and disappointed. I won’t say anything, I get it is Christmas and a lot going on. Just feeling discouraged.

@LetMeOut2021

I think they have to feel a modicum of discomfort? If treats/rewards/praise doesn't work? That's why potty training pants are called just that....because they are less absorbant than baby nappies so that they feel wet. So they don't want to wear them. So if they are just in pants and do an accident and you change them straight away sort of defeats the object no? So Leaving them in wet clothes for a few minutes is not much different to a potty training nappy. They've got to learn to dislike the sensation of feeling dirty/wet?

Oh come on, he's 3. Most children are able to start potty training by 2 or at the latest 2.5. Leaving it too late makes it more difficult and isn't doing them any favours. And it does take several months to get them reliably "trained". It doesn't mean they aren't "ready" whatever that means.

It's ok to get frustrated by the extra washing etc - potty training is extremely tedious

I just don't understand. This sounds stressful for everyone. Why the rush? Don't you like to lessen stress in your life? As PPs have said, it's Christmas. Give the wee guy (and yourself) a break.

@PurBal sorry if I sounded grumpy the thread is full of ‘my ds trained in ten seconds flat’ so quite encouraged to see it can be a bit three steps forward and two back!

It's not the nursery's job to potty train. They have far too much to do to remember to prompt each kid to use the loo every 5 minutes. Carry on what you're doing and he'll get there once he recognises the need to go. In the meantime don't blame the nursery.