To be really pissed off with nursery about this?

[Undertheladder]

I know I’ll probably be flamed for this but have been trying to potty train ds, obviously not very well. But FIVE piss wet through pants? He does pee on the potty when told, so AIBU to wonder wtf is going on?

Thanks @Blondeshavemorefun , it’s reassuring to know it’s not just us. Going back to nappies though - honestly that would put more pressure on me as I don’t know how I’d ever do it again!

If isn’t a failure to realise your child isn’t ready and to cater to their needs. Continuing to put pressure on him and yourself for something neither of you can control is unfair on you both. You wouldn’t do it for learning to walk or talk. I have run a toddler room, plenty are still in nappies at 3, one of my own dc was until 3.5. You have experienced people on this thread telling you it’s not unusual.

Nappies on, enjoy Christmas and revisit with a fresh mindset in 2024.

I said it before, he knows someone will clean up after him. Gently but firmly take him to the sink with his shitty pants in hand, fill the sink with nice warm soapy water, and in a cheerful voice tell him that you are going to teach him how to wash his pants. When he resists (which he will, and which my DS did), stand behind him with each of his hands in one yours (think the clay turning scene in Ghost), and wash out the shitty knicks. Stay very calm and pleasant throughout and praise him at the end for doing a good job. Do this every time he shits his pants. My DS was clean in less than a week. And you may be saving his future partner from lifting his dirty knicks off the floor. Good luck.

I think that’s next step.

Disgusting way to treat a small child. If I was aware of this and was caring for your child I would be reporting this as a safeguarding concern. It is not ok to treat a toddler this way.

Why do you think it is a safeguarding concern? Isn’t it akin to clearing up toys and so on (which ds doesn’t do incidentally!)

You think forcing a 3 year old to wash shitty pants is the same as tidying up toys? Really?

I haven't read the full thread, but I always think it's easier to train in spring/summer months. Not only is easier on the washing situation but a child can just run around in pants and a t t-shirt, get used to pulling pants down etc.

If he's pooing himself that's not fair on him or the staff.

Pretty much. I don’t see what’s hugely different about either, so maybe you could explain? I genuinely mean that.

FWIW I haven’t done this yet and I I wouldn’t for a genuine accident but ds isn’t even trying and that’s the thing - I do feel he needs a disincentive I suppose.

They haven’t asked me to send him in nappies @JanglingJack . If they did I would.

That is disgusting.

Why don't you rub his nose in as well like some do with puppies.

It would come under the umbrella of emotional abuse,, expecting them to be doing something they are not developmentally able to do and then essentially punishing them for it. Take a look at the NSPCC website.

Clearing up toys is totally different given that you would only be expecting them to clear up within their ability. Eg at 3 you might ask them to put the blocks back in the tub, you wouldn’t ask them to do anything they couldn’t phucially do.

They may do soon as he's clearly not ready.

Here https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/

@Thesearmsofmine yeees but he can physically do it. I really am sure of that.

I have read on here to stop the child from playing or watching TV to clean them up. I do think that I have to do something as the elusive ‘being ready’ is just not happening and it is really frustrating me, which I’m trying not to take out on ds. It is hard though. He pooed earlier and when I ran out of wipes and went to get some more scratched his bottom got poo on his hands and then out his hands in my lunch! So I am feeling thoroughly fed up with cleaning shit from a child choosing this. If he’d been trying to get to the toilet and had an accident that’s totally totally different. The nicey nice jolly never mind just hasn’t worked at ALL!

If he needs to be told then he isn't trained and not ready. Sorry but you can't expect nursery staff to keep asking him if he wants to go. At home he is the only one you have to remind. The ratio at nursery will be much higher.

Without meaning to be rude it seems you have hang ups about it.
A lot of children are in nappies at 3
As mentioned earlier in the thread... at the nursery I manage we have quite a few children in nappies at 3 and so far no neurotypical children have gone to school in nappies.
It's not a competition and it doesn't say anything about your parenting.

I probably do @LondonElle but the problem is everything and everyone says something different. For my own sake I need to press on if only because I just don’t think I’ll be able to bring myself to go through this a second time.

From what you have posted here he quite clearly isn’t ready. He doesn’t know the cues, only goes if prompted, a month in and he is peeing and pooping himself consistently throughout the day. You have both experienced parents and professionals on here giving you advice but instead of recognising that, you respond positively to the disgusting idea of making him wash his dirty pants to try and punish him into something he clearly isn’t physically capable of and that’s after already shouting at him and calling him a dirty boy.

Have you ever had to look after eight children?
Don't you think they may have plenty of other things to do, keeping them safe, entertained, stopping them fighting etc.

@Thesearmsofmine bur it isn’t consistent either in what you’re written or the responses.

Some websites such as ERIC and NCT state clearly that NT three year olds ARE ready.

He doesn’t pee himself during the day. If you tell him to go to the toilet at regular intervals he does, and holds for a good couple of hours in between.

Poo - yeah. No idea what to do about that.

I suppose what I’m asking is what’s going to magically be different in six months? Genuine question not a rude snap!

He may only need to be in nappies for days or weeks it won't be a long term thing as you have already laid the groundwork.
My first son was put back in nappies and it was a matter of days before he was out of them again permanently.

As a nursery worker I came on to give my perspective about reminding a child to wee at nursery but no no no do not force your child to stand at the sink and wash their pants, how horrible and humiliating for them- just cruel. wow

It’s the same as any other stage of development. Six months before your child started walking were they anywhere close to it?

Yes - in that they went from sitting supported to sitting unsupported, pulling themselves up to stand etc. this is very different although I do understand what you’re saying, however you get a sense of progression with walking. Potty training, bow will I know he’s ready? I really do want to know as while we’ve made limited progress we have made progress and I’m reluctant to throw that away. Another consideration is cost. Ds is in the biggest nappy size as it is, and they are expensive. When he outgrows them the cost will be astronomical 😭