To be really pissed off with nursery about this?

[Undertheladder]

I know I’ll probably be flamed for this but have been trying to potty train ds, obviously not very well. But FIVE piss wet through pants? He does pee on the potty when told, so AIBU to wonder wtf is going on?

So do I,

It's a method that works, you'll just have to be vigilant

They might be reminding him and he might be saying no he doesn’t need the toilet. They can’t force him. Doesn’t sound like he’s ready to me.

Ignore people who tell you he isn’t ready. It’s a bad day. He might have several bad days. Aslong as he’s getting the hang of it overall he’s ready. Nursery is the most challenging environment for them and I know they aren’t always as confident approaching the staff, plus they might not have an adult at their disposal like they do at home (they might be engaged with other children). Nursery also aren’t allowed to leave a potty in the room so there’s the extra challenge of getting to the potty. I don’t know about you but at home
I have a potty in the room we’re in nearly all
of the time.

No, they probably haven't.

Perhaps there have been different staff members in his room today/ the usual staff members have been busy dealing with other things and therefore no-one has known or thought to remind him.

Perhaps he was told but he wasn't quite quick enough to get there.

Perhaps he has drunk more today than other days.

Perhaps he has an infection.

Honestly though, if it's been 5 accidents today it's either that he isn't ready or he has a UTI.

See. This attitude really annoys me, potty training requires some effort and hassle on the part of the parent. You can’t just skip the bit where you have tonnes of washing and get wee on the floors. It’s just part of it and as a parent it’s something you endure for the benefit of your kids.

@Groovee to be honest if you ask almost all children I know if they want a wee they say no. I just tell him to have a wee and he generally does. I know - some may say that means he’s not ready but in the same way I have a wee myself even if not ‘needing’ one before leaving the house! Who knows though. I do think he’s able to hold his wee and he has been able to for quite a while. Any non readiness is voluntary I think.

I really am not going back to nappies. I genuinely feel we’d never be out of them. As it is he’s the last of the kids I know to train as it is and most have been trained for the best part of 6 months. If he’s in nappies he also can’t do forest school which he loves.

and there we have it i think... its not about him! its about how much extra work this has created you!!

i say again, poor wee man! being forced into being potty trained when he clearly is not!

I’m making an effort but I am allowed to say a particular method isn’t for me. I don’t like that method, it isn’t just the carpets but it just isn’t for me - OK?

Is he just 3 or nearer 4? We tried not long after DS' third birthday and gave up after a week or so. We tried again around 3 yrs 9 months and he got it in 48 hours. He went from being the last to potty train in his class to the most reliable over the course of the Easter holidays. If he's not ready, he's not ready. I get it's annoying and I felt a bit ashamed at him training so late but, honestly, it was so much less stressful this way.

Op I work in childcare and have potty trained hundreds of kids over the years.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect the nursery staff to remind your ds to use the potty and to assist him with this

I do think you're being unreasonable to get angry and blame the nursery staff for your ds having accidents. Yes, even 5 can happen when we are setting them on the potty ourselves and sitting there with them, encouraging them to pee.

Nursery is very different to home. It's much busier, louder and some children do struggle with using the potty at a setting compared to being in the familiarity of their own home.

Trust me, the staff aren't enjoying your ds wetting himself and having to change him every time, I doubt they are letting him do this on purpose.

Sticker charts are usually quite effective with young children, so maybe santa could bring some and he can take them into nursery and get a lovely shiny sticker if he manages to do a wee on the potty. Nursery staff will make a huge fuss of him and he will feel good about himself.

I know it's frustrating, but you're going to have to just be patient, relax and not make a massive deal out of it. He will get there, and will be there long before he is 6!

But if you don’t allow the opportunity to fail then you’re not allowing them the chance to succeed?

In my experience (childcare practitioner) when kids are ready they train in a few days to a week. If it’s been a month and he’s still having accidents and can’t indicate when he needs to go, only going when told, then he’s really not ready. I would switch to pull ups and try again in the spring/ summer.

Have you tried him with a nappy off to see how often he is doing a wee?

If its like 3 times in an hour and only little ones then he clearly doesn't have the ability to empty his bladder properly yet. That is when he is ready.

If he can go for 2 hours without a wee and then do a big one then he is ready. It's a physical ability.

@anxiousnanna will you do me a favour and take your poor wee man somewhere else?

The poor wee man is wearing pants. That’s it.

He has an accident, I do the ‘it’s no big thing’ routine, change him and carry on. The person it negatively impacts is me. I do want him to learn those self care skills so he can go up a room with his friends, do an activity he enjoys and so on. It’s really for him and his wellbeing. Maybe he isn’t ready but I don’t know when he will be in that case and can’t really have him starting school in nappies. I know what a lot of you are like and then I’d get the ‘you lazy neglectful parent you haven’t bothered potty training your child’ lines.

@NoKnit thats exactly it. His wees are massive. He’s definitely physically ready. He just isn’t saying ‘I need a wee.’ I’ve been saying OK ds we need to have a wee now and alls been fine.

So yesterday for instance all day - no accidents. Maybe three big wees? Then got in and he wet himself. My fault, should have reminded him. Clean trousers on and he wet himself again. Made the mistake of leaving him without trousers and he peed on the floor I genuinely wish I knew where I’d gone wrong 😭

The problem with pants early on is they feel very much like nappies and children have the same association with them - up until now he’s been trained to pee in his nappy. So when he feels pants he’s likely not making the distinction between pants and a nappy.

The no pant method does create more mess but it’s much quicker and more effective, so the short term investment (and it is only 1-3 days) is far better than weeks of what you’re experiencing now.

You know the saying - if a jobs worth doing it’s worth doing properly.

Not blaming them...but you are
The thread says you are really passed off with them...how is that not blame?

Yet you won't say anything so you don't appear to actually be talking to them about what they normally do and what you would like them to do to see if they are aligned.

Nursery did potty train my DD. They said to me they thought she was ready and they wanted to try, and two weeks later she was dry in the day. I followed their lead. After all they do it 30+ times a year.

Well I'm just trying to work out what's making you keep going? This doesn't sound like it's going well and he's not engaged with the process.

I've just 'trained' a little one who comes to me for the past 5 months. It's been horrendous, he refuses to use toilets, withholds his poo (normal I know) until he goes in his pants and ultimately wasn't ready when they started.

I've tried talking to his parents but they are in denial like you

@ImTiredBoss im not really angry, just frustrated and worried. Thanks for your reply.

Except that’s not what mines doing @KateyCuckoo , is it?

And I’m not in denial. I have agreed I’ve gone very wrong somewhere but I do think a bit of support in trying to sort it is reasonable enough.

Of course the nursery’s fault. They will have a load of kids who are not ready to be in pants but have pushy parents unfortunately

We did it with carpeted floors! It worked really well – let him go with nothing on below the waist over Christmas if you can until he tells you when he needs to go or sits on the potty by himself. Then trousers with no pants. Ask nursery to tell him it’s time to use the potty every two hours or so. They should be supporting you in this and i don’t really believe in kids not being ready. It’s just teaching them that they can’t go where they stand anymore. They’re learning much more complex things all the time! And three is plenty old enough for it too.

Just get on with it then.

A week off, no nursery, do the job properly first time and it'll be the last time you need to do it.

Op, you're really defensive and I understand it but doesn't sound like you've trained him properly

Agree with this