To be really pissed off with nursery about this?

[Undertheladder]

I know I’ll probably be flamed for this but have been trying to potty train ds, obviously not very well. But FIVE piss wet through pants? He does pee on the potty when told, so AIBU to wonder wtf is going on?

We’re not going back to nappies, I am tenacious if nothing else

The thing is he can go a day with me without any accidents, of wee anyway. So he can do it. I do expect the odd accident but five is ridiculous.

Honestly, read that book, do the reset and go from there

So is also having plenty of accidents at home? Bit harsh blaming the nursery then.

If he's been un pants for weeks is it 5 pair every day? Or just today?

The key is communication with the nursery so you are both doing the same things and if he is in nursery full time I would be inclined to go with whatever they normally do.

@Extratoebeans the staff ratios for 3 year olds are one to eight. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask one adult to remind eight children to go to the toilet every couple of hours, I really don’t.

Do you know for sure they aren't reminding him?

@Mumof2teens79 im not blaming the nursery. It’s 100% my fault, I’m the parent and I take responsibility. I just feel they should have reminded him a bit more. I won’t say anything but I am a bit disappointed tbh.

poor little mite... he's not ready and now you're putting more pressure on him! Its christmas, theres so many exciting things to do and think about.. give yourselves a break and try again in the new year

Poor little mite? It’s ME who has the laundry I think you’ll find!

Read what book @svenandmolly ?

So he's pooing his pants too?

Yabu.

Your child isn't ready if he's having that many accidents. When he's ready he won't be having that many accidents. You are trying to train before he is ready and that is fine, but as a result you are sending him to nursery not potty trained in pants.
He will have more accidents at nursery then at home because he's occupied and having fun.
They have lots of children to look after and can't constantly be telling your child to potty. He needs to be able to go mostly unprompted to nursery.
When he is having an accident they are changing him. When I was a childminder if a child was having this many accidents I would be asking parents to send in nappies

He's clearly not ready.

Whether you go for the back to Nappies or patience and washing machine method is up to you. That's the 2 options you have.

However you are going to have to chill out about it. Being furious with the nursery is not going to get you anywhere.

I hope it goes OK for you but please be prepared to be in for a long ride. My oldest son was almost 7 before the accidents fully stopped. My youngest currently 7.5 and still has accidents. No special needs he is a totally normal child but it happens. Just nobody talks about it as it's embarrassing. Obviously I'm not wishing the stress I've had on you but honestly if your child is only 3 you do have to cut him the nursery and above all yourself a bit of slack.

Maybe he refuses at nursery? They can’t force him and they can’t physically make him let go of his wee. They also can’t leave him sat on a loo indefinitely until he’s done it, you’re making the process unnecessarily hard.
Put him in a pull up (and I usually hate pull ups) and just keep reminding as you are. come the spring when it’s warmer, have another try at it properly.

@svenandmolly why? Just curious for the reasoning.
my child was potty trained at 18 months and sometimes I had to do this and helped. I wouldn’t leave him to stay wet, just saved on washing tonnes of pants.

He may well be being asked by staff if he needs a wee but children are known for saying no (even when they do need to) if there’s something else they’d rather be doing.

My little boy is 2 years 4 months. He’s been potty training for the last two months. Some days/weeks he has zero accidents. Sometimes a dribble, one or two. Last week he also had 5 in a day. Potty training isn’t linear. Your son will likely continue to have accidents for several months. Regression is common in potty training too. It’s not necessarily the staffs fault.

I have worked in a nursery and it was completely normal and standard to remind the kids to go for a wee so I don’t know why everyone is acting like it’s the world’s most strenuous imposition.

"Oh Crap!" Rubbish name, excellent book. I swear by it.

Ignore people saying he's not ready. If he's NT, he's obviously ready at 3.

It's not necessary

Yes @KateyCuckoo . He is pooing his pants too. What would you like to say about that?

Everything I have read indicates that many children don’t show signs of being ready and have to be encouraged. I get I’ve gone wrong somewhere and I do take responsibility for this, it would just be nice to feel nursery were at least trying to help.

ugh I really don’t want to use oh crap I have carpeted floors.

We aren't able to force a child to go and often we'll say "do you need to try a wee!" They say no and a few minutes later they are wet with a puddle round their feet.

That then takes 2 staff, one to change the child and one to clean up leaving 1 member of staff with the rest of the children. We are well within our ratio but we can't just leave a puddle on the floor.

We'd normally approach a parent with a plan if we feel the child isn't ready. There's a big difference to being at home and reminding them to them being engaged in play at nursery and reminded to try.

You're right. My son gave no signs at all and was speech delayed, still potty trained.

No one waits for dogs, cats, whatever to 'show signs of readiness' we just train them properly

If you’ve been potty training him for a month and he’s still only going when told and will have accidents if not told to go then he really isn’t ready. Some children take a bit longer to be ready and that’s ok. Send him in nappies until he’s ready, nursery can’t be telling him to go all the time and it can’t be nice for him or the nursery staff for him to keep wetting himself.

It is completely normal to remind children to go of course it is, but sometimes they refuse, sometimes they will hold until they have an accident. Sometimes they are just not ready.