Walked out of family Christmas lunch and cancelled plans for Xmas day as felt ignored

[Wensleydales]

Big family lunch today , MIL kept saying how she thought I looked ‘pale’ and ‘unwell’ going on about why I wasn’t drinking etc etc etc. just generally being irritating and critical.

In the end I told her the truth ( I hadn’t wanted to ruin a family event with bad news) that I’d had a MC a couple of weeks ago . When I said she said nothing ?? Started telling me that actually I just hadn’t been eating properly I thought maybe she hadn’t heard ?? So I explained again and she just said nothing then walked off to talk to SIL??

I burst into tears . We left and dh called her when home and she tried to ignore it again - he then asked her what the issue was with her acknowledging it? She proceeded to say women find out too early now (I had told her I was 12 weeks???) and it’s no more than a heavy period and she can’t entertain my attention seeking over that .

Im so upset that we’ve said we are not hosting them on Xmas day now

Spot on.

All this is designed to push your buttons. I doubt she even went to hospital.

How strange. Perhaps she was upset about the whole thing and had a bit of a panic? Odd of fil to tell husband to go with him to the hospital. If you thought it was serious you would.jump into the ambulance and call.from the hospital, surely? Not send her in alone to call up someone and give a lift, further delaying him from knowing what's actually happening? Either he knew it was a panic attack and wanted his son to help mum feel better, or they wanted to manipulate your husband into being friends again. Very strange.

3pm on Christmas Day? Indigestion.

If they did actually get an ambulance out as part of some act to reel DH back in and wasted the time and resources of the NHS then they are awful people. Utterly shameless. Giving them the (hopeful) benefit of the doubt, maybe MIL DID have a panic and hoped DH would come running. I'd be so tempted to message saying she was over dramatic about these things, but I'd bite my tongue and take the high road.

Now that is exactly the type of child-like attention seeking showing off tantrum stunt my DM would pull when she doesn't get her own way.

Ignore. You don't need to do anything. The only words you need for them are that she needs to properly apologise.

I hope you're doing ok.

The irony of her having a panic attack when her issue with you is that "you stress too much" 🙄.

Pathetic attempt at control, no contact from here on out 🤜🏻

Wow what an absolute manipulative diva!

lovely to know your DH is on your side. It’s hard when it’s his mum, but he can see straight through this. Don’t call her out, take the high road as pp have said.

Whether the panic attack/ambulance/hospital really happened or not, your MIL did this to punish you. She thought she'd ruin your Christmas Day by having you be left all alone by taking your DH away from you.

Bet she was left seething when DH wouldn't go with his Dad.

What do you do now? You both continue to ignore their childish, manipulative, attention seeking demands. I'd personally go no-contact. You have a good, loyal and supportive husband, that's the best thing about this.

I agree with everyone that the Christmas Day "attack" was feigned in an attempt to lure the DH out.

Surely he would have had to have rang on the 23rd to get one out on the 25th?

She had a panic attack because she wants to control everything and she can't any more.

Probably had a panic attack at the thought of having to eat the beans on toast because all the shops were completely empty of food for 3 days before Christmas ...

If you do want to re-open communications, your DH can text and say a) hope mum is feeling alright after being unwell on Xmas day and b) whatever else you feel is necessary to say.

It’s good you know that your dh has your back.

I agree with pp, you don’t do anything, this is on them to sort out

Not that I'm actually suggesting it... But you could send a get well soon text... 😉

"Hi MIL, I hope you're feeling better soon. It's a shame you got so stressed and over reacted so much. That probably won't have helped. "

Your DH does sound really grounded and lovely. This can't be the first time something daft like this has happened with his family. Glad he was able to see through it.

Yes! And she had a panic attack because people disagreed with her and told her she was rude, when she was, and she can't tell her friends about it because she will come out of it looking really bad.

So pleased you have such a supportive husband who can see right through his mothers behaviour. I think a break from them until she can bring herself to be less of a witch is in order.

my mil was quite heartless when my sil had a stillbirth, she’d had a miscarriage herself and I think it brought back hard memories and also struggled to deal with how much more openly we all talk about things ‘these days’. However it was an awful reaction and totally wrong. Wonder if similar thing here. Whatever it is, there is no excuse. However you have learnt that your husband is a legend if you weren’t sure before ha!

Your inlaws are quite unbelievable to pull that stunt on the day.

And to involve the already stretched too thin ambulance service ... if that's what really happened.

FIL said he 'called' them. Is there any proof that they actually did end up going to hospital? Or did he just say they were going to.

Shocking behaviour regardless. Very manipulative ... focused on fetching DH and only DH before they even knew if there was anything truly serious going on. Sounds very contrived.

Upset they didn't get their own way.

They sound unhinged and well done both of you for showing where you draw the line. Life is too short. Hope you had a good Christmas after that.

Sounds like they tried to ruin your Christmas Day the way that they think you ruined theirs, with the ultimate aim of making you both feel guilty because of course it’s all your fault she had a turn.

It probably wasn’t even consciously done - she will have worked herself up into a lather over your ungrateful, hideous behaviour, cancelling Christmas and tearing apart their family and ended up in a full blown panic attack, convinced she was going into cardiac arrest.

She’ll now be doing the rounds of ‘poor me, that witch wouldn’t even let him come and visit me in the hospital when I had my attack,’ with all her friends, never mentioning that it was a panic attack not a heart attack. ‘He can’t see it, she has completely turned his head - she’s been trying to come between us for years, hasn’t she, dear? It’s just too sad, my poor heart is breaking. I wouldn’t be surprised if it simply stopped beating from the sorrow. Who refuses to allow their husband’s parents to come round, at Christmas?’

They’ll all sigh sympathetically and shake their heads, tutting at the wickedness of terrible DILs.

At least now you have the certain knowledge that your DH is one in a million and your PILs have firmly learned that histrionics has as much effect on you two as emotional blackmail.

(Edit - reworded as initial wording of the last para was thoughtless - apologies OP, if you read it, I didn’t think as I typed).

Thought that if you stuck to your guns she would pull something like that. Well done for staying firm, not easy when all the stops are pulled out to get your attention/sympathy.

I have don't have any first hand experience of the kind of behaviour you report in your update.

But I have read many, many MN threads that either report or predict it. So I am not surprised.

@Wensleydales

Looks to me like you're in for a good game of 'Manipulation Bingo'. You can go ahead and mark the spots for 'apology with a big but', 'flying monkey', and 'fake health crisis'.