Walked out of family Christmas lunch and cancelled plans for Xmas day as felt ignored

[Wensleydales]

Big family lunch today , MIL kept saying how she thought I looked ‘pale’ and ‘unwell’ going on about why I wasn’t drinking etc etc etc. just generally being irritating and critical.

In the end I told her the truth ( I hadn’t wanted to ruin a family event with bad news) that I’d had a MC a couple of weeks ago . When I said she said nothing ?? Started telling me that actually I just hadn’t been eating properly I thought maybe she hadn’t heard ?? So I explained again and she just said nothing then walked off to talk to SIL??

I burst into tears . We left and dh called her when home and she tried to ignore it again - he then asked her what the issue was with her acknowledging it? She proceeded to say women find out too early now (I had told her I was 12 weeks???) and it’s no more than a heavy period and she can’t entertain my attention seeking over that .

Im so upset that we’ve said we are not hosting them on Xmas day now

@WilmaWonka
I'm sorry for your loss. I can't believe your sister said that!! How insensitive and, frankly, idiotic.

I am sorry for your loss OP.

For context, My DM is 86. Her miscarriages - late 1960's, early 1970's absolutely did impact on her. They were devastating. She absolutely didn't just get on with it.

So pleased your DH has your back in this xx

There is plenty of time for fil to get Christmas food in today if mil is 'feeling unwell ' or trying to guilt trip you into letting them come over. Stay strong and ignore.

Look after yourself and have time with oh
Take care

Agree with keeping the door locked and well done for ignoring the phone.

Also agree that you will probably be painted as the villain in all of this, but who cares? The less you have to do with her the better.

And the Lego comment made me laugh but I'd a fair thing to wish for

I'd send them one last message to make sure they KNOW they are not welcome because they could turn up anyway, I'm betting they would. Make sure they know they will not have the door opened to them if they show up on your doorstep, @Wensleydales .

I'd be replying to that text about the food shop with the exact words she sent about your miscarriage:

I’m sorry you’re unwell and don't want to do a food shop MIL, but I think you’re overreacting and stress too much and that won’t help.

Perfect!

So sorry for your loss, OP. I've just returned from supermarket to get stuff for Christmas lunch and there was plenty of everything there and it wasn't too busy, either. Your MIL will have no excuse if she has nothing in for her lunch tomorrow. Have a peaceful, quiet and reflective Christmas Day tomorrow and fingers crossed you will be successful in 2024 in carrying a pregnancy to term. My mum, 86, lost twins at 30 weeks in the 60's , but a year later gave birth to another set of twins (me and my brother). She still talks about "her girls"...

On the subject of not knowing if you were pregnant or not in olden times 😂I was first pregnant in 1982; pregnancy tests were widely available, if a bit expensive, you could take one 7 days after a missed period.
I did one and it was positive. I was a bit miffed that my GP then said he didn't need to do one to confirm as false positive results were rare.
So if I had then miscarried that pregnancy I would have been well aware of it and would not have put it down as just a missed period.

Awful behaviour from your MIL

Even if she can’t bear you having any attention (which is inexcusable) does she not realise her son is experiencing a loss also?

I hope you are having a peaceful, MIL-free, Christmas Day OP.

It's remarkable how peaceful Christmas can be when you cut out certain people.

Was it a nice peaceful day without the wretched witch?

Hope you had a lovely peaceful Christmas.

Hope your Christmas day was peaceful OP.

Would love to know what happened!

So would I !

i.e. did the PIL stay away / did the PIL go shopping / did DH deliver lunch to the PIL as someone suggested

They didn’t turn up however on Xmas day at about 3 pm FIL called to tell us that MIL had had ‘some kind of attack’ and he had called an ambulance and she wanted dh to go straight up to the hospital - FIL would apparently be coming to pick dh up to take him to hospital. He said no that FIL should have gone in the ambulance with her and to let him know how she was. A few hours later she was home, it was a panic attack and she was fine. We haven’t heard from them since , not really sure what we are meant to do now??!!

The cynical part of me wonders if she really went or if this was an attempt at manipulation. I would personally do nothing. They know where you are if she wants to take responsibility and apologise.
I hope you had a nice Christmas.

Ooh, she's a master of manipulation isn't she.

This is an absolutely standard attention seeking tactic, though a pretty high level one. And right on Christmas Day too.

Unbelievable.

I suppose she could have wound herself up into such a mood on Xmas day that yes, her head may have felt like it was about to burst and her breathing became strained. What a cool head your DH has. Has she done this sort of thing before?

They are a proper manipulative pair aren't they!!! Totally done on purpose to force your DH back in and make him feel guilty. You do nothing now. MIL is absolutely fine.

You don't have to do anything. The whole thing was a manipulation tactic to get to you. If it was serious your father-in-law would have gone with her. It's unlikely she even got taken to hospital by ambulance or even went to hospital at all. I used to work for the ambulance service and they would have checked all her obs and when they came back as normal (which they would have done as it was only a panic attack) then they would have left her at home. I think they just did it to get to you and spoil your day.

100% manipulation tactics - your DH is a legend for not bowing to his father's demands

Your DH is a keeper! Ignore them.