Do I have to do Christmas again nearly 70

[justasking111]

I'm just so tired, in pain from scoliosis and an arthritic hip. We're doing Christmas again so husband can womble off for a 💩 in his own home. He's obsessed with having a dump in his own home post a uber large lunch. My offspring think it's wonderful they don't have to cook. I'm so tired, in pain and so much still to do. I'd love to jet away to be honest. Should I just suck it up.

I have scoliosis. I'm younger than you at 58, but I have backache and arthritis, my husband knows this and he does stuff that I can't, he does lots of stuff in the house- cooking, cleaning, washing, you name it. Because he knows I'm in pain, and he's not a selfish arsehole. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. And he wouldn't dare invite loads of people round without checking with me first. And if he did, he knows he'd be doing the catering homself. You need to put your foot down.

You've left it a bit late to back out completely. Is it possible to have some sort of buffet or for your family to help by bringing some items themselves?

Sometimes family don't realise when it is too much for parents to cater for these sorts of things. You really need to tell them and next year they can do it.

It's not your place to "tell" your DIL to host next year. You should wait to be invited

We have Christmas day at my parent's house because it's bigger but don't expect them to host anymore. We all pre cook, take it round then cook the rest there. It's become a shared event buying different bits and bringing it all together. We also clean up afterwards! X

I just tend to suspend any disbelief until there's 'evidence' of whatever kind either way.

I would be giving him diocalm tablet just for the day . Say you are going to sons and he can walk home when he needs to go . I think you have done enough over the years . Your turn now . I

Just tell the family they will be doing all the cooking from now on! If you are doing the hosting. It’s shocking you are expected to do it all. Fuck that lady! Stand up for yourself!!

If your adult offspring can manage to get to your table if you cook it, they can get there earlier and help set up and clear up fully afterwards.

Sit down and make a list of jobs to be done, write names next to the jobs. Phone said offspring and tell them what their responsibilities are so they came arrive earlier as appropriate to do said jobs.

Any jobs not done, once all sat down tell whole family who didn’t do xyz so we have no potatoes because that was Xyz names job.

Leave him at home with his microwave lasagne and a roll of Andrex. If he is too selfish to consider you just for one day, why are you even thinking bout him.

Hi, sis, I didn't know you were on mumsnet. Just bloody tell them it's the last Xmas you host. They can do the honours in future.

but you wont, will you?

This sounds like my dad. Everything revolves around him.

If be tempted to tell him to stay at home on his own with a microwave meal while you venture out and leave him to it.

Or say to him his choice, he cooks.

At those ages they should be doing it. Just tell them now that you don’t feel up to it this year and when they come over, they need to cook, together with your OH and serve. Tell them you will need a lie down and will come down when they call you for lunch. Take a nice book and chocs (or whatever you fancy) and have some me time. Nothing will change until you change it!

Gift yourself a couple of nights away in a hotel over Christmas. Leave your husband to host.

No you don't, fuck it all, have a rest!

If finds allow may be consider taking a Christmas cruise. DH would have his own loo and all fully catered.

“Should I just suck it up?” Hell, no.
Don’t do it this year, never mind next. Tell everyone that you can’t manage it any more, you’re exhausted and you’re not going to do it, end of. It’s time someone else took up the mantle. Your offspring need to behave like adults, not helpless little children.

You should all go out for Christmas dinner. It doesn't have to cost a fortune.

And you definitely don't need to accompany your husband when he toddles off home for a dump.

OP I feel sad for you. Don't host if it's too much. Or at least ask for help cleaning from your sons or their wives. My mil is same age as you and lives to host and quite sprightly but we go over to do the cooking and share all the cleaning work. You need to be honest with your children about your health. As for your husband...I have no idea what to say about that.

@justasking111 why does your DIL have to do it? You have a husband, sons? Many people who can pitch in. You don’t need to shovel it off to some other woman fgs.

I’m 70+ and young people don’t appreciate how knackered you get when you’re older. You need to tell them as they genuinely might not know. Too late this year but tell this the last year or announce it in January. As for your husband… words fail me.

It's not too late to find a place doing Xmas lunch and book in, no hosting... especially of your older, absolutely ridiculous everyone is just letting you do it and not calling it out and offering to host. Tell them no next year, say it this year so its fair warning.

This year you could always come down and be a bit unwell tomorrow and everyone has to fend themselves

It's not too late to find a place doing Xmas lunch and book in

It’s Christmas Eve in half an hour! Everywhere offering Christmas lunch will have been fully booked since October..

If hubby wants to stay at home let him cook, whilst u put yr feet up. Look at jusyeat just in case it all goes wrong.