To think he should maintain current contributions?

[Polewire]

I know there’s been a few threads about child maintenance etc but this is slightly different.

my ex and I split up 4 years ago. We have 2 children, 6 and 5. He left me for a woman 15 years younger than him, she was about 24 at the time I think, they maintain they didn’t have an affair but I’m 99% sure they did. That’s another story though. To be honest, I thought it was a mid life crisis and would never last but fast forward to today and they’ve bought a house, have a baby and are getting married in a few months time. Based on what my DC tell me (they stay with ex and his partner every other weekend) it’s a happy home.

i haven’t physically spoken to my ex since we split. All communication is done on an app. I hate him for breaking up our family. I hate the fact that he never wanted to do anything with us, was out every night of the week and weekend with work/sports/hobbies and now he seems to have given up all that to spend time with his partner and their child. It’s not fair on my children that they’ve seen their dad transform into this wonderful dad and partner with the new baby and partner when he wasn’t like that with us.

anyway - this is my issue. His partner has a really good job and is going back to work soon. He’s reducing his hours (she gets paid probably 3x as much as him) in order to look after their child so my maintenance is going to go down because it’s solely based on his hours.

as it stands I just get by with the amount he pays each month and if he drops down hours then I’ll lose out and they’ll still be living their high life - fancy jeep, hotel stays all the time, stuff I wouldn’t even be able to dream of doing with my children. Would it be unreasonable to message him on the app and outline that although it’s based on his income, given that he’s reducing his hours for his other child and given the fact shes earning well that he should maintain the amount he’s currently paying for our children?

Life's unfair but is there anything you could do personally to financially provide for your children? I think you said you work - could you up your hours at all?
I have never to this day received a penny from my ex-husband and no government support but actually a part of me is pleased I'm supporting my sons on my own - it's a bit of an "up yours" to him and proof I never needed the complete idiot to live a happy life!

@LorlieS its genuinely great you have provided for your dc alone. It’s incredible actually.

But let’s not suggest @Polewire needs to prove anything. Her children’s father should provide half of their cost. She shouldn’t struggle and then try and appreciate that struggle because she’s achieved the goal of providing for them. He should pay for his children, no exception.

He is paying for his children. I think the OP is gearing up for another fight before she even knows what he is going to do

@Chocolatebuttonns yes I totally agree. My father’s child refuses to have them half the time but I would much prefer that arrangement, despite the fact he pays fairly for dc.

I didn't think so.

I really hope for their sakes that he goes for more access next year.

The thing is, OP's bitterness aside, practically, you will always be worse off aka find things tight financially, if you are hoarding the kids. A xmas with dad means, you only buy gifts and off they go- that's a massive amount of money to save whilst they are at dad's. Also, you will have time to look after yourself, work more and make more money etc etc. Many sensible parents would like equal time shared with the other parent.

Wait till they are teens/teenager and eating for England. You will regret hoarding them.

The only other thing I will say to the OP @Polewire - having followed the thread but not posted as was having Christmas- is that, why have child number 2 with a man who won't marry you and now you are so bitter that he is marrying his new gf? Do you really want us to tell you that he did not want to do the things you wanted him to do for you- none can force anyone to do what you want them to do. And by the sound of this, the new woman sounds a lot more attractive as a partner than you are. So use the time kids are dad's (50/50) to work on yourself and you will need to beat off the many quality men who will want to be with you.

Yes, kids will say what they think will make mum happy- they live with you. You already admitted dad's home is a happy home. And yes, dad needs to fuss over the baby because he is helping out his new gf- it doesn't mean your big kids are being ignored.

You know, I feel quite sorry for the OP. I remember a poster (years ago) who said that she had quite a lot of resentment for her ex. He’d been a bit of a waste of space and she’d battled to get him to be any help at all. Then he met a new partner and turned his life around.

From what I remember, he and his new partner were fairly condescending towards the poster - they made a real point of managing her and would talk to her using a slow, calm “explaining” voice. This drove her crackers because he’d been a total fuckwit until a year before but she was meant to totally forget about that.

She didn’t mention money - apart from that the ex and his new partner were better off than she was.

The OP reminds me quite a lot of that poster.

You seem to know am awful a lot about their life and likes when you haven't had more than communication by app... 🤔

You are a very bitter woman and I pity your children

get therapy and move on

he left you not the children!