To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

[kimchio]

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

I was dairy free for around 2 years. One year per child... Breastfeeding two babies with cmpa. It was hard at times like Christmas, seeing everyone eating the stuff you want but I would never ever expect everyone else to give up dairy because I'm not eating it.

😂

Elmlea plant is good (make sure it's the whippable one) and another is Oatly whippable, it's really tasty and whips up really nicely. Don't know about Tesco but I get it from Sainsbury's. It's obviously going to have additives in it that dairy cream doesn't but nothing horrendous. If she made a trifle with either of these types of cream I think it would taste great.

Alpro custard is good. Birds custard powder is vegan if you mix it with plant milk. Moma oat and Alpro barista are both good.

As for cheese, there's nothing amazing out there unfortunately. I Am Nut Ok is really good but expensive and I've only found it online to order. Nurrish "brie" is pretty good in sandwiches and M&S stocks Honestly Tasty which was genuinely good when I tried it a few years ago, especially the blue. But I wouldn't bother with the hard cheese alternatives as they just aren't that good. And definitely don't try to heat/melt them.

I hope that's helpful. You could also pass on any suggestions from this thread to your relative and she can get things herself if she wants.

@Strictlymad I've bought my DF and gluten free niece 2 of the Gu little zillionaire pots- I fancy them myself!!

She's being ridiculous. I was dairy free for about 5 years whilst I breastfed 2 consecutive dairy allergic babies and my 18 year old has been dairy free for his whole life ad well as having to avoid multiple other foods due to allergies and another medical condition.We have never expected other people to stick to his dietary restrictions.
Yes, if someone invites us around I would hope they would provide something he can enjoy but not that everyone would eat the same as him. Not unless the meal was naturally free of his forbidden foods anyway. For instance we were invited round to friends this week and the main course was a roast dinner which was fine for DS anyway, but with dessert there was an option of dairy free or dairy ice cream.
Alternatives are better these days but they're not the same as dairy products. Vegan cheese in particular is crap. And there is some skill to dairy free cooking - some of the alternatives definitely have different thermal properties for instance and just don't behave the same as dairy products in cooking. If you are familia with them it is a bit harder than to cook with ingredients that you are not used to.

I wouldn't expect either a host to go to the trouble or other guests to eat things they might not like just because DS can't have them, and neither would he. Life is just not like that. If you have a dietary restriction you have to adapt to it, but it's completely unreasonable to expect the rest of the world to do it with you. The only exception would be an allergy where someone is so sensitive that air borne exposure or even the slightest cross contamination is dangerous to them, but that's obviously not the case here.

As a lactose intolerant, gluten free vegetarian, I can say quite emphatically that You are not being in the least bit unreasonable.

She's only recently converted and probably hasn't quite realised that this is what her life with food is going to be like from now on.

Not only will she have to accept that she is continuously going to be surrounded by the "forbidden" food, but she is also going to have to take responsibility for ensuring that anything she eats fits in with her way of eating (there is often dairy in things you wouldn't expect).

If I were your guest all I would ask is that you ensure that any food suitable is in large enough quantities that I would have enough after everyone else had taken some (you'd be surprised at how often I'm left with very little after everyone tucks in to the suitable food as well as the less restrictive stuff. And I'd probably also ask to look at the packaging to make sure there's nothing I'm sensitive to hidden in the ingredients. Remember there's dairy in chocolate and often dairy in enriched breads and caked.

I am both a somewhat fussy eater and a vegetarian. My take is that if you are such a person, and you are going somewhere for a roast dinner, then you eat whatever suits the host to cook - maybe baked potato, or pizza / pasta bake ready meal - something that takes almost no effort. It would be nice if the host made an effort and made sure the starter was a vegetarian soup, not a meat-based soup, but to demand anything else is rude and entitled.

Asking that the host goes to a lot of trouble to make what will probably be a less-nice version of what they were cooking anyway is outrageous - whether you are expecting the dairy-free option to be served to everyone or just you.

https://bakedbyclo.com/

I'm not vegan.

I've tried a few recipes from here and they've been great. I am NOT a natural cake maker.

Yanbu op and I don't eat dairy!

Haven’t RTFT so this might have already been said but on allergies vs intolerances, I’ve noticed in allergy groups that these are being re-labelled as IGE-allergy and non-IGE allergy. Stomach problems etc would fall into the latter category. ‘Intolerance’ often minimises the effect. Just cos it won’t cause an anaphylactic reaction doesn’t mean it can’t be really harmful.

My kids are both lactose intolerant so I've read a lot about it. You can buy lactose free cheese and milk with added lactase enzyme but also lots of cheeses are low in lactose. You basically need to avoid the sweeter cheeses. Chedder is very low lactose. Might be something for her to try

If it’s an intolerance to the protein then low lactose products won’t make a difference.

What protein?

Whether it’s a choice or necessity it’s tough and other people are going to eat their stuff and she should be grateful you’re making dairy free alternative. Very rude to want to make everyone eat something different

My 9 year old daughter sounds more mature than your relative!!

She has a dairy allergy and behaves politely when missing out on some items served and is complimentary when dishes are specifically served for her. Just realised how proud I am of her!!!

Up to her. I'm not going to experiment on her. If she wants non dairy she will get non dairy

Fair enough 🤷‍♀️

Diary free trifle can be fantastic ( oatly whipping cream )

But no ( as a dairy avoidant person ) she shouldn't expect everyone to eat dairy free

I cater for a fussy vegan....

You can get her two or three vegan cheeses from the supermarket. There is choice now in recent years. Serve this alongside your cheese board so no extra work as the rest is ok for vegans.

Do her a mini trifle at the same time you make your base so that's not extra work for you, top with vegan custard carton (easy and quick to get this) and on the day use vegan squirty 'cream' to finish it. It's actually a really nice alternative and tastes of vanilla topping but looks like squirty cream.

I'd not mention this to her again so you are not irritated by her requests as it's quite unfair for her to expect everyone to eat her choices. I personally won't eat vegan cheeses they are too fake for me. And I love cheese! So UANBU at all.

Yes, they are really good. I probably wouldn't risk a trifle, even with pills but for eg soft cheese they are really effective. A lot of hard cheese has only minimal quantities of lactose, anyway, so depending on how bad her intolerance is she might be able to eat this.

And vegan cheese is horrible so I wouldn't eat that under any circumstances. I'd rather not have any cheese at all!

No, a non IgE mediated allergy isn't synonymous with an intolerance. My son was diagnosed with bith IgE and nin IgE allergies by a paediatric immunologist about 17 years ago. It's not a "re-labelling" or anything new, they're different things.
A non IgE mediated allergy is exactly what it says it is - an allergy mediated by a component of the immune system other than immunoglobulin E, via other immunoglobulins or cells. IgE mediated reactions give us what people generally would recognise as allergic phenomena like urticaria right up to full blown anaphylactic reactions. Non IgE reactions are much more varied and do include but are not restricted to stomach problems.
An intolerance can be due to a variety of things that are absolutely nothing to do with the immune system. Lactose intolerance for instance is a digestive enzyme deficiency and fructose intolerance is a genetic inability to metabolise fructose. Still unpleasant and potentially serious of course but not allergies.
You are right of course that the tendency to view intolerances as mild and allergies as serious is wrong, but it sounds like you're suggesting that allergy activists are calling intolerances non IgE mediated allergies to make them sound more "credible". They're not, and they're different things. I'm sure you don't mean to but muddying the water by incorrectly labelling conditions potentially increases confusion and makes things worse for those who are affected.

Milk contains two proteins whey and casein. People can be intolerant to cows milk protein or they can be intolerant to the lactose (the sugar). Milk/dairy intolerance can mean either.

Sorry if my phrasing was clumsy but I think that there is a tendency to sweep up anything that isn’t an IGE reaction as an intolerance when actually it might be a non-IGE allergy. They are different things but I don’t think non-IGE allergies are well understood.

My DC has thankfully grown out of non-IGE CMPA so I may not be fully up to date.

Coconut custard and cream with pineapple and Bacardi underneath = Pina Colada trifle. 😋

Don't forget the marachino cherries on the top.

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I see what you mean @Blueroses99 but I think what you wrote inadvertently said the opposite of what you wanted to get across!
Really the message needs to be that there are lots of reasons why someone might need to avoid particular foods including that their immune system is going to react to it, they can't digest it properly or they can't metabolise it. They are all nasty, all have the potential to be serious and some can be life threatening and they all need to be respected.
But a lot of people who have not had personal experience think that they know what an allergic reaction is and if they don't see what they expect then all too often they just assume the person is lying. Of course it doesn't help that there are unscrupulous companies telling people that they are sensitive to all kinds of things based on totally unscientific "tests".
In a strange way I think DS is quite lucky to have IgE mediated allergies as well as his non IgE ones. I gave up trying to explain the difference to most people a very long time ago and now he just lists his forbidden foods, waves his EpiPen and bingo, he's usualy taken seriously. If he only had the non IgEs I think he would struggle to get people to believe him, particularly as if he does have a non IgE reaction it's usually significantly delayed so the non believers never see it. There's a lot of education still needed around the subject.
(Apols to the OP for the derail!)