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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't eat dairy you can't expect everyone to make everything dairy free just for you?

362 replies

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:40

I have a relative. She's gone dairy free. Fine. We'll get some stuff she can eat in for Christmas. But she's been asking what we're having and every time I say something like coronation turkey on boxing day or trifle but don't worry I'll make you something dairy free She's being really annoying and insisting I make it all dairy free so she doesn't miss out. I think she just has to accept a dairy free trifle would be shit and she can't eat the cheese but we're all going to eat it anyway.
As long as there's enough food she can eat I think it's fine.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SatanClaws · 22/12/2023 10:41

If she's lactose intolerant then she can eat hard and mature cheeses. They have a lower/no lactose content.

0MammaBear0 · 22/12/2023 10:42

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

But she CAN eat it, she just CHOOSES not to... (unless she suffers from a dairy allergy, but even then the rest can eat whatever they want)

Mirabai · 22/12/2023 10:43

SatanClaws · 22/12/2023 10:41

If she's lactose intolerant then she can eat hard and mature cheeses. They have a lower/no lactose content.

Yep - such as gruyere, pecorino. And some people find they’re ok with sheep or goats cheese.

Talipesmum · 22/12/2023 10:43

Boomboom22 · 22/12/2023 10:25

Do try the elmea before you make anything with it. I've bought it by mistake before as they put it with the cream and it is not cream! It is upf flavoured fake cream. Now i see dairy free people say it tastes the same, and alpro custard tastes the same. Maybe if your taste buds are poor, like quorn chicken tastes the same (ie you can taste the difference immediately, quorn is rank and nothing like meat in taste or texture).

Yes exactly. It’s not nice.

Rosscameasdoody · 22/12/2023 10:44

0MammaBear0 · 22/12/2023 10:42

But she CAN eat it, she just CHOOSES not to... (unless she suffers from a dairy allergy, but even then the rest can eat whatever they want)

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She’s dairy intolerant. It’s not a choice. Not that I agree she should be indulged, but OP clarified upthread that it is a medical condition.

SatanClaws · 22/12/2023 10:44

To what level is she being dairy free. There's a lot of hidden milk in foods - whey protein is used a lot as a filler in biscuits cakes and snacks.

FuckOffTom · 22/12/2023 10:46

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

Uninvite her!!!
Nobody should have to have anyone in their life that tells them they can’t eat cheese. Cheese is magnificent.

SnowDiaries · 22/12/2023 10:47

I've only read OP's posts so somebody will probably have said this already, but just in case it hasn't been mentioned:

My (badly) lactose-intolerant friend loves a cheese board and eats aged hard cheeses (Gruyère, parmesan, mature cheddar) all the time. Apparently, they're absolutely fine to eat as they are practically lactose free. Google confirms this.

0MammaBear0 · 22/12/2023 10:48

Rosscameasdoody · 22/12/2023 10:44

She’s dairy intolerant. It’s not a choice. Not that I agree she should be indulged, but OP clarified upthread that it is a medical condition.

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Still she cannot control what the rest eat. I have a life-threatening food allergy and never in my life have I demanded others to exclude my allergen from their meals.

LDB1985 · 22/12/2023 10:48

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:51

Where can I find enough vegan cheese to make a cheese board? I struggled with the dairy cheese board! What is vegan cheese even made out of.

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I happen to have just seen one in Aldi! Didn’t take too much notice of it so not sure how much it was.

diddl · 22/12/2023 10:49

Mirabai · 22/12/2023 10:43

Yep - such as gruyere, pecorino. And some people find they’re ok with sheep or goats cheese.

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Also brie & camembert I think are lower.

Kingsleadhat · 22/12/2023 10:50

You have been more than accommodating by offering her alternatives. She sounds like a drama queen

MummyJ36 · 22/12/2023 10:51

One of my DC was dairy free for a number of years and I always brought dairy free options if we went to someone else’s house. I’d have never expected someone to put on something special, and that was for a small child! Tell her she’s welcome to bring dairy free / vegan alternatives (of which there are many that she can source at her own cost) but you won’t stop anyone else indulging in dairy food!

Citygirlrurallife · 22/12/2023 10:52

Haven’t RTFT but assuming everyone is saying similar on a theme

I'm dairy free (and vegan) but don’t expect everything to be made that way for me

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 10:58

My nephew is allergic to dairy. Always has been. I've always thought about him and made sure that there is a good range of things to eat. Sometimes that means making dishes dairy free for everyone, sometimes that means making substitutes (I'm making sausage rolls for him and buying them for everyone else as I can't find nice dairy free proper sausage rolls). But there will often be elements he just can't have eg trifle! My sister (his mum) has never suggested I should attempt to make everything dairy free. Their own home is definitely not dairy free. It is not a life-threatening type of allergy.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/12/2023 11:00

Soontobe60 · 22/12/2023 08:55

I think coronavirus turkey sounds the perfect party dish 😂😂😂

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Especially for people you don’t like.😈

sashh · 22/12/2023 11:01

She is being ridiculous unless the dairy free option you are giving her is dry toast.

I eat low carb, the last time I went to see my dad I wanted to stick to that so I had a supermarket delivery and I did all the cooking.

Let her do all the cooking if she wants dairy free.

pinkspeakers · 22/12/2023 11:01

Bit late now, but I recently went on a Vegan Xmas cookery day and was told that La Fauxmagerie does a very good vegan cheese board. I'm still dubious myself!

rasellagirl · 22/12/2023 11:04

You don’t seem to really like or respect each other, so why even spend Christmas together at all? It all sounds very tedious.

ohdamnitjanet · 22/12/2023 11:04

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:41

Aparantly it's mean if we're eating cheese and she can't have any

She’s a twat of the highest order.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 22/12/2023 11:06

Whilst the guests is being annoying and I think OP is doing the right thing it's a shame that this thread has brought out such vitriol and hatred. Nasty people.

Boomboom22 · 22/12/2023 11:06

You need to find out is she is dairy intolerant or lactose intolerant, massive difference for the cheese.

Nttttt · 22/12/2023 11:06

OP YANBU in some ways, I understand that you should not have to eat DF because of this person.

However - it feels like you’ve never been in a free from section… you will easily be able to get DF sticky toffee pudding or cakes for less than £2 along with DF gravy, cream, custard etc. All pre-made and ready to go. If you guys are having Xmas pud and custard for dessert for example you can easily get a mini DF alternative.

In regards to all the idiots saying intolerance isn’t an allergy and they wouldn’t pander, due to my gluten intolerance and other stomach issues I ended up in intensive care. I also now have malabsorption problems and anemia due to these stomach issues and may need have transfusions going forward to fix this. Intolerances can lead to intestinal problems which in hand cause other severe issues. Also I’d rather not spend Xmas day in agony.

Please OP don’t become unreasonable to try prove a point. This person just doesn’t want to miss out, but I agree you and other family members shouldn’t have to either. Check everything from sauces to crackers for any traces of dairy.

I went to Sunday dinner at DP grandparents the other day and they were able to make everything for me gluten free and vegetarian and even had a few different options for dessert which was lovely.

It’s nice to be nice and offer as much as possible. Agreed that you guys shouldn’t miss out on things you enjoy too like cheese! Maybe ask said family member if they have a DF cheese and cracker brand they like so you’re not wasting your money on vegan cheese which is known to be pretty terrible.

Preschoolmum78 · 22/12/2023 11:07

kimchio · 22/12/2023 08:49

Yeah she is she gets tummy pains and the shits

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If it’s lactose intolerance as opposed to dairy allergy please check the lactose free range in supermarkets!! The cheddar cheese is lovely. It’s all normal dairy with lactose removed. You can buy lactose free cream and cheese too. It’s only slightly more expensive than regular.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 22/12/2023 11:08

Blimey.
I am gluten free. I am really pleased if someone has made the effort to put a gf alternative out.
I couldn't imagine having the princess mind that dictates everything should be gf!