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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:
Just1MoreMinute · 23/12/2023 18:04

Lose him quickly! He’s a leech.

Hopingtobeaparent · 23/12/2023 18:06

He needs to move out!

Janepaige · 23/12/2023 18:08

Rent the spare room out and take his £400 every single month going forward if he doesn’t like it he can sling his hook back where he came from. Pay your mortgage off sis then you can choose your own watch x

Jonboy8 · 23/12/2023 18:13

Bin him Christmas Eve, and bag his clothes up and leave them outside the front door! Job done!

FeetLikeFlippers · 23/12/2023 18:17

If he specified that the present was in lieu of rent, how does he expect you to pay your mortgage? This is the “logic” of a child, not a man. Before you chuck him out, return the presents you bought him and explain to him that this year you will be giving him a kick in the nuts in lieu of a gift, because otherwise you won’t be able to pay your mortgage.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 23/12/2023 18:19

A friend a couple of years ago moved in with her boyfriend, she had a lovely bedsit room in a flat and they moved to a flat or she moved first and he moved in. Their first Christmas living together he gave her a brand new iPad which he couldn’t afford and had borrowed money to get and it turned out things got worse over the time they lived together. He was immature and wanted a baby with her but she didn’t really want the same with him, he was also egotistical. Luckily they broke up and he moved out but she was always the one worrying about money, rent and bills and he conveniently took a backseat re these things.

I wouldn’t let him hook you back in this easily and would definitely try to call an end to this sooner rather than later. My friend definitely regrets staying with her ex but they had some fun times.

kennE1kennE1 · 23/12/2023 18:25

He sounds a bit like my ex... an entitled covert narcissistic type! (Please You Tube for further information). He says you ruined his 'nice gesture' 😂 By challenging him!
Quick test....just say a firm 'no' to something without elaborating and watch the reaction!
Don't fold!

Pizdietz · 23/12/2023 18:28

Oh, I was with someone like this for years. Absolutely loved the grand romantic gesture as long as someone else (me!) was paying for it.

Things won't get any better, OP, unfortunately Flowers

LookItsMeAgain · 23/12/2023 18:30

This ladies and gents is what is affectionately know on MN as a cocklodger!

I hope you have claimed back some of the gifts that you got for him, held on to the receipts and can return them. Also hope you've been able return the gift he gave you and get the money for the rent.

Best of luck going forwards in to 2024 without this millstone around.

JintyMcG1422 · 23/12/2023 18:31

My ex husband used do exactly this. Buy me really expensive presents and left me stressing about the Cc. bill in January. I’d rather have nothing than the stress of worrying about how I was going to pay for my own present. Emphasis on “EX”

thebestinterest · 23/12/2023 18:38

Your lover is sketchy AF, and honestly you should take note of that. That’s extremely concerning that he bought a gift for you that he cannot afford.

the whole thing has red flags ALL OVER IT.

also, you can’t be serious to have accepted (in theory) 400 over 1000+??? I mean, who does that?

CocoCom · 23/12/2023 18:43

How come you are still with him!
Don’t waste your time, cut loss asap to find someone else.

Pepsi2001 · 23/12/2023 18:46

Get him out!!!

Jenkibubble · 23/12/2023 18:50

Cock lodger

Great terminology 😆

Agree with you !

Tawlk · 23/12/2023 18:52

Turf him out and get a lodger

mumedu · 23/12/2023 18:58

It wasn't his place to decide this. He owes you rent and hasn't been paying so you should stick to your original plan and get a lodger. He needs to move out as he is crossing a boundary.

Justintimeee · 23/12/2023 19:01

Kick him out. Sounds like a child

di2004 · 23/12/2023 19:02

You don't want the watch you want his rent money - tell him, and if he doesn't pay up get shot.

Direstraightsagain · 23/12/2023 19:03

£400 is so cheap for a 2 bed flat and he’s still trying not to pay. This is a nightmare. Sorry you have to deal with this before Christmas but this guy is a bad egg. Lucky you found out now.

Kingdong73 · 23/12/2023 19:05

Dump his ass asap ..the guys a scumbag, "buys" you a present then says it's his rent too ...get rid now!!

MrsPositivity1 · 23/12/2023 19:05

So basically you bought yourself the watch

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/12/2023 19:07

Glad you realised it was wrong quickly, OP. Can you imagine if you were renting the place from a landlord and you decided to just send them a present in lieu of rent for December. 😆It's no different. The mortgage still needs paying, and you can't pay it in watches.

WeHaveChocIcesInTheFreezer · 23/12/2023 19:16

SleepingBeautySnores · 22/12/2023 02:17

What a knob! Personally OP, I think he sounds like a bit of a cock lodger, and in your shoes I would be giving him his marching orders. You clearly can't rely on him for the income you need, and these men who make grand gestures at the expense of paying the bills, usually end up getting into debt and bringing you down with them. If that's not the future you want for yourself, tell him that it's not working out, and you've decided to get a proper lodger after all. As for sulking about you ruining his grand gesture, well what he did was stupid and irresponsible, so I think you're perfectly entitled to take the gift back and get a refund. These things are nice if you can afford them, but clearly he can't. Time to throw this one back in OP

This 👏

ellyeth · 23/12/2023 19:19

He had no right to buy you a present in lieu of rent. Of course, you want the rent. A more affordable present would have been nice but only IN ADDITION to the rent he owes you (which, in any event, seems far too low).

He is obviously immature and perhaps a bit crafty. He should do as you ask and return the watch.

This does not bode well for this arrangement and if he refuses to give you the rent he owes or there are any similar incidents, such as under-paying rent, I would be giving him notice to leave. I think you should consider asking him to leave anyway since he is already trying to paint himself as the victim when he is anything but that.

MimiKay · 23/12/2023 19:21

I’m really curious to know what his living situation was before. Was paying full rent somewhere else? If so, why is it so difficult now? He definitely thought he was pulling one over on you with that watch lol. I won’t tell you, you were wrong because what’s the point? You tried and that’s ok. But now I’m sure you know he’s got to go. He will be a financial burden on you for the rest of your life. I think if he’s saying the watch can’t be returned, tell him you’ll return the things you bought him to cover the rent 🤷‍♀️