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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:

youhavenoidea123 · 22/12/2023 04:07

Can you return the clothes you have purchased for him?

I'd personally want to return all gifts if he is not paying his way.

SharedAccountWithMySister · 22/12/2023 04:25

Essentially you have paid for your own Christmas present. I’d give him the reciept for his and ask for the cash.

When he inevitably kicks up a stink point out that’s what he has done to you.

Lwrenagain · 22/12/2023 04:38

My first comment I went to write was so awful even for me i removed it but I'm so angry at him.
Hes bought something that he 99.9% got on a black friday sale for 200 quid to say how generous he is even thought he's not paying you rent.

I hope he leaves quietly and you don't have to hear from this stingey fuck ever again.

I also hope he's haunted by ghosts of Christmas past and they call him a cheeky little fucker too! And maybe bite him whilst they're there.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Lampan · 22/12/2023 04:39

How do you even know if he paid full price for the watch? I bet he didn’t. He’s probably just given you a £400 item that didn’t even cos £400.
I agree with everyone else on here.
If he’s like this so early on, what’s he going to be like in a few months time? And why does he get to live in (I’m guessing it must be) an expensive area for just £300pm?

Lampan · 22/12/2023 04:40

@Lwrenagain cross post!

Mercurysinretrograde · 22/12/2023 04:50

Notify him that he needs to move out by 31 December. He is taking advantage of you and this is just the start.

TerfTalking · 22/12/2023 04:57

Definitely give him his notice now as he won’t move out quickly, will play on your guilt throwing him out at Christmas and you won’t get any money in January because it’s the skint month don’t you know, you can’t expect him to pay in January when he treated you at Christmas. 🙄

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 22/12/2023 05:00

Drop him off at the nearest letting agent's. Where else would he get bed and board for £400 a month? He hasn't even the sense to recognise when he's onto a good thing.

Hearmenow23 · 22/12/2023 05:02

Wow! I can only dream of the things I could buy if I didn't pay my mortgage and bills. Like the rest of us.

RiderofRohan · 22/12/2023 05:10

Immediately I hear that old classic singing in my head. 'I don't want no scrub, scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.'

Get rid of the scrub. Get a lodger. Find a new BF.

DeeLusional · 22/12/2023 05:13

A relationship is as good at the beginning as its ever going to be, it's downhill from here. He's a parasite who sees you as a meal ticket - soon he will stop contributing anything to the household.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 22/12/2023 05:13

Cocklodger 100%

I'm sure you've learned some valuable life lessons from this experience but time to move him out now.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/12/2023 05:15

Lwrenagain · 22/12/2023 04:38

I hope he leaves quietly and you don't have to hear from this stingey fuck ever again.

I also hope he's haunted by ghosts of Christmas past and they call him a cheeky little fucker too! And maybe bite him whilst they're there.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This.

100%

PieAndLattes · 22/12/2023 05:20

£400 a month instead on the going rate of £1100? He did a number on you the minute he stepped foot through the door. You were already £700 worse off a month than if you'd got a lodger, and then he can’t even make the £400 a month - that’s less than a student would pay for a manky room in a house with 7 other people in most parts of the country. He was onto a good thing and he blew it. You’ve been more than generous and patient but it’s time to offload this one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/12/2023 05:26

Return the clothes and the ‘boyfriend’ asap. He can go back from whence he came. Now.

Twiglets1 · 22/12/2023 05:45

At least he showed his true colours quickly.

Don’t be “Reader, I married him”.

Be kind to yourself in 2024 starting with a clean out of people you don’t need in your life.

Pugdays · 22/12/2023 05:50

Why did u agree to him not paying the full £1000 a month ..he definitely needs to go

DelphiniumBlue · 22/12/2023 05:52

£400 pm only just covers his share of bills and food,
there’s barely a rent element there at all. The numbers just don’t add up irrespective of the watch issue. You are already only just breaking even on him being there.
I don’t understand how you could possibly think that this arrangement will help you cover your mortgage, especially as you say you would have got almost triple that from a lodger, who would also be covering their own food.
As for the watch, tell him he owes you the rent. If he wants to return the watch to the shop in order to free up some money, you’ll understand, but the rent needs to be paid!

Olika · 22/12/2023 05:52

I agree You need to get rid of this man. Absolutely unacceptable.

RecycleMePlease · 22/12/2023 05:54

One of my sister's ex's did something similar to her - owed her money, she'd picked out a specific music player she wanted, so he spent his Christmas bonus vouchers on a different one that was on sale, which didn't have the functionality she needed, and declared that the money repayed (even at full price it wasn't what he owed her)

Still took her a while to realise what a wrongun he was (we could all see it long before unfortunately)

Hesma · 22/12/2023 05:58

Return the gifts you’d bought for him and kick him out!

Bananalanacake · 22/12/2023 05:59

I never let a boyfriend move in with me, I need my space. Definitely get a lodger to pay the going rate.

Ohnotyoutoo · 22/12/2023 05:59

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:41

Thank you all for your replies - this is my first ever post in a moment of self doubt so I really appreciate it.

You are all of course absolutely right. I’d also never heard the word cocklodger until today - so that has cheered me up immensely haha.

Luckily I only agreed to this on a 3 month trial so I’ll get my money back for this month and move on post Christmas.

Another one bites the dust!

Well done OP for being so assertive.

Unfortunately this is the kind of man you'll never be able to rely on and he doesn't seem to think anything about potentially getting you into debt. I can't believe he is on a the month trial for contributing to bills and yet already has messed up twice.

Aubree17 · 22/12/2023 06:00

Why did he shortpay last month?

I would tell him he pays the agreed amount now including last months shortfall or he has to leave.
It's not a huge amount, seems very reasonable including food.
Giving you a gift instead of rent isn't on.

Shoxfordian · 22/12/2023 06:05

New year new boyfriend op, this one isn't working

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