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Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:
PKDaisy · 23/12/2023 19:22

How do you know he’s not going to pay his rent? You’re being a bit harsh imo.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 23/12/2023 19:23

Get some self respect and kick him to the curb

savethatkitty · 23/12/2023 19:24

Get rid of the watch & the pathetic man who gifted it. 2 months in & he can't pay his dues....No thanks

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2023 19:25

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

This.

You are letting him live in your home at a vastly reduced rent (only about 1/3 of what a lodger could bring you), and he isn't even paying that. Expecting you to subsidise him and expecting you to be grateful because he's bought you a watch (which you don't need) instead of paying the rent (which you do need) isn't good enough.

He may not want you to take the watch back because he's got it cheap somewhere. Take it back anyway. Also, take his clothes back if you can.

And get him out now. Don't listen t any tales of woe/ but it's Christmas/ where will I g etc - he's a cocklodger. He was £100 quid short last month, £400 quid short this - it isn't going to get any better.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2023 19:29

Sorry - just read all of your posts and seen you have sorted it.

Well done!

Val33 · 23/12/2023 19:30

Please tell us you're going to get rid of him! Absolutely no way is he going to get better. A parasite is what comes to mind.

Stuey · 23/12/2023 19:31

£1,100 a month for a room? You live in South London without a doubt.

The red flag was him suggesting £400 for food and board. You accepted that, I have no idea why.

You must have low self esteem or he must be really really hot! Men can sniff that out and he’s paying £400 a month to live in London on your back. I agree with everyone else, end it and move on.

SheeraPower · 23/12/2023 19:32

I’d be returning the bf back to where he came from. Already red flags 🚩

TheClogLady · 23/12/2023 19:38

Not read the thread so apologies if someone already said it but as @Jen133 liked the term ‘Cocklodger’ I thought I’d add ‘Hobosexual’ as an additional, polite-company alternative!

Siatanaas · 23/12/2023 19:46

What does this guy do for s living that he can’t afford to pay rent and buy you a present? Were you not aware of his financial situation before he moved in? I see how you could be the one paying rent once in a while but not a man.. he is pathetic and not worth attention

nomorequinoa · 23/12/2023 19:51

You deserve better than this, OP. You know this, don't you?

There's no future in this relationship. He paid one month's vastly reduced rent/ keep and slid just a month later. Now living with you for free. How can you ever trust that when he tells you he loves you he's not just playing you?

There's no future with him. You wouldn't marry a man like this, would you? Start the new year with an ex-boyfriend, a new lodger paying proper rent, some extra cash in your pocket and the self-respect that comes from kicking an exploitative man out.

mathanxiety · 23/12/2023 19:51

Kick him out.

He has no intention of paying you rent, and never had.

The relationship is over now, surely? He has shown that he is not a man of his word, and an entitled user.

Youregoingthewrongway · 23/12/2023 19:53

He’s either very thick or sneaky and thinks you’re thick. Either way, this guy is not a keeper op. Return the gifts you bought him, return the watch (bet it didn’t cost him £400 and that’s why he doesn’t want you to return it) and dump his sorry arse.

LadyShimura · 23/12/2023 19:55

He's taking the piss, not giving you rent to see if he can get away with living with you rent free.

Chuck him out.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 23/12/2023 20:12

Point out to him that he did not buy you a gift, he chose to spent your money on something he thought you would like rather than on the bill you need to pay. Tell him you will be renting the spare room out as even if he stayed living with you, you cannot rely on his rental contribution when it was 25% short last month and 100% short this month. I would be telling him our priorities don't match and a relationship will not work unless he understand Mortgage and bills before spending money on other things. Let alone spending the money that should be yours.

Pherian · 23/12/2023 20:20

He likes your living arrangements and not you. Let him loose.

BrimfulOfMash · 23/12/2023 20:21

OMG! I doubt £400 would even cover food, extra energy bills, loss of your single person council tax discount etc!

He is a dishonest, mean, exploitative fuckwit. How dare he be so disrespectful to you!

Return the watch, return him!

MysticalMegx · 23/12/2023 20:28

I think he bought you the watch with good intentions. He seems irresponsible where paying bills are concerned but at least he got you something, even if he did spend the months rent on it

IamMoodyBlue · 23/12/2023 20:30

A lovely gift, a grand gesture, but oh how immature! I was told by my parents, rent or mortgage first priority. It served us welk, although hard sometimes.

Honestly, no matter howmuch you care for him, you're basically caring for a man with the judgment of a child. Unless he quickly realises his actions, although well-meant, are not acceptable, I'm afraid you're looking at heart-ache ahead.

helpplease01 · 23/12/2023 20:35

Jesus woman!!! Get Rid of him. This is a slippery slope! It’s a HUGE RED FLAG

BrimfulOfMash · 23/12/2023 20:40

Ask him which mortgage company accepts watches as monthly payment.

QS90 · 23/12/2023 20:42

You hear some AWFUL stories on here, where cocklodgers get their feet under the table, and by the time the OP sees them for what they are, it's really hard to get them out. Please get rid of him sooner rather than later, so as not to leave yourself vulnerable.

Obviously, he sounds awful.

Fluffmum · 23/12/2023 21:04

Out he goes, Get a lodger

NaTTJ · 23/12/2023 21:05

You've unknowingly bought your own Christmas present. Get rid, he's taking the piss.

thegirlwithemousyhair · 23/12/2023 21:16

Loser. Sponger. Hasn't got a pot to piss in; has no intention of bettering himself and expects to be looked after by a woman.

What is it with these blokes? They're like permanent adolescents bleeding dry a series of surrogate parents..

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