BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

[Jen133]

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

Some people are saying let him stay in Ur room for £400. I say 100% don't. He's shown you his true colours...he will just be a constant thorn in Ur side. Show him the door and don't let him in Ur life. He will find someone else to leech off soon enough once he knows u will stand Ur ground.

If he isn’t paying his rent now, it will just get worse get rid of him as you’ll always have a problem every month.

Sounds like he’s just seeing what he can get away with. 🤨

Agree. Your BF is taking advantage of you

Completely out of order what was he thinking

This x

Please ask for the £100 outstanding from previous month as well as the current £400 due.
Get him out and get a lodger in.
£400 monthly surely doesn't cover all expenses anyway. Food, rent, internet/phone, TV licence any streaming services, insurance, utilities, council tax.
Please sit down, and calculate it all to check how much it is costing you for this below par adult to live with you.
Making a grand gesture to convince you that he is generous when he's actually the opposite.
Unpleasant situation for you op

£400 a month is taking the p for a start...

Do we have evidence he actually spent that on the watch?

Tell him he needs to pay the £500 he owes you - and then tell him he needs to pay half or move out ...

So in a way, youve paid for your own xmas gift. What a cheeky bugger. Pisses me off, my DH is the same, Christmas comes around every year, you would think he might have something about him to put a few quids away each month so come December, he would have enough for a gift. Now your bf is pleading poverty 🤦🏻‍♀️

If no one else has suggested this, I’m sure he will be very sorry and contrite when he knows he is moving out. When he gets all sad and sooky, please keep in mind he probably borrowed the 100 + 400 quid and will have to pay it back from whence it came….

please don’t let him stay on promises he will change.. my CIL went through this and the guy was buying her flowers when he knew she had visitors, but using her eftpos card/account. They ended up separating, ended in court etc and it didn’t go well for her (not uk).

Completely rubbish. You needed a lodger to make ends meet. That is a separate issue to maybe having your BF to stay a few nights a week.

If he wants the spare room and to pay £1100 a month then fine - but he'd need to buy any presents as a separate thing - as he would if his GF wasn't the landlady but lived elsewhere. Otherwise you are losing out massively on the financial side, and he is presumably laughing all the way to the bank!

Tell him he either rents the spare room properly or goes back to wherever he was before. Whether you can return the watch I don't know - but he sounds bonkers. DH and I are comfortably off but would never spend that on something that the other person hadn't specifically chosen and asked for.....

DUMP HIM.

Yeah, even putting aside the watch as rent thing, thr guy who suggests moving in with you and that 100 a week will cover his half of everything, absolutely knowing it won't, and then doesn't even make good on that is either incompetent, and you'll be supporting him and facilitating his life as a sort of ongoing state of play; or if not incompetant, hes actually exploitative-happy to let you pick up his slack. I have put up with soooo much shit like this from guys over the years. I've given them the benefit of the doubt many times over, and it's never once, retrospectively, been the right decision.

This x 3000000. Put the entire pos in the bin

Woah! Well done! Hardly ever see people actually heed the advice and sort things out properly.

Youve bought yourself a watch and he is living for free.

he is a loser. Dump him and get a lodger. He cannot be this good at sex.

Who on earth would pay £1100 to lodge with someone!
I agree he should have paid the money and not bothered with the Xmas pressie u didn’t want.

Thank him for the watch and ask when His rent will be paid. He is foolish if he thinks he can get away with this. I'd also wonder where he got the watch and was it really returnable.....

I'd like to think he'll move out just as easily as he moved in but I seriously have my doubts! Please take care and I wish you well!

Thanks for all the advice!

Yes I do live in south London and yes it’s bloody expensive to rent 😩

The plan was to rent out my bigger room but I’ve been kind of slow at progressing it since moving in at the end of summer - he shares my room with me when he stays but I sometimes have to boot him out as to the spare room as to top it all off he’s a snorer.

Given he’s only been staying a few nights a week we agreed he would contribute to the bills -we went with £400 - as he’s not there all the time - and yes there’s nothing stopping me from renting out the room, would just be a bit of a squeeze sharing one bathroom - but I guess that would be same with any boyfriend.

But it’s more the principle of him trying to pull that more - so I have decided to take all of this advice on board and move on - he has paid me the money now and I can keep the Apple Watch if I want - but I think as some of the comments say, it could become a slippery slope quite quickly and it shouldn’t have needed to be an issue.

It’s sad to hear how many other people have had similar / worse situations and I definitely take the point about not wasting precious years on people who show these kind of traits early on.

Onwards and upwards!

Well done on making that decision, it can’t have been easy. The incident with the rent might not be a massive thing on its own but it’s a big red flag as to what kind of person he is and how he treats people. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and enjoy having your flat to yourself without the snoring!!

My ex husband agreed to pay me (a mere) £600 a month when he moved in as my boyfriend, and after we were married. I paid the mortgage and all bills, which came to many times this amount. There was always an excuse and he ended up paying me a total number of 4 months rent across 5 years. I know this as I had to go through all my financial records when I divorced him.

Like my ex, your boyfriend seems to think he is on a good wicket and has no sense of integrity in terms of paying his share. I would suggest he moves out if you want to continue the relationship at all, and get a lodger in. In the long run, you will suffer hugely financially if you allow this man to live off you. I wish I had known this earlier.

By the way, my ex has found another woman to live off. I think these men don’t change.

I bet he didn't even pay £400 for the watch.

He probably got it for £100, the ones that were missing last month! 🫣

That's truly irresponsible and childish from your BF. I see he wanted to give you a nice gift, but... believe me, I have known such people, just get rid of him ASAP and find a new tenant who will actually pay rent.