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Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:
ThomasinaLivesHere · 22/12/2023 11:02

Glad to hear you got it sorted. I have no idea what was going on in his head to think you’d appreciate basically him choosing what your rent money is spent on as if that was a treat.

wronginalltherightways · 22/12/2023 11:36

Glad you've told him to go back to mummy's full time; he was absolutely taking the piss. You have bills to pay, his supposed 'nice gesture' was nothing of the sort!

Sharontheodopolodous · 22/12/2023 11:53

Don't be me

Years ago I met a bloke (didn't move in together until he was facing being homeless-first red flag)

Didn't pay a penny as the poor mite was 'let go' from his job (he quit) but was 'too proud' to claim benefits (they'd force him to get a job)

Lived with me for 18 months-did fuck all round the house,paid nothing,slept all day,drinking on my dime etc etc

I fell pregnant,bubs was 5 months old when Christmas rolled round

He went out,with my bestie and with my money in his pocket to buy my Christmas present

Rolled in,both steaming drunk,beat me up and rolled down the path together-theyd been shagging about behind my back the whole time

Never paid a penny for our child (what a surprise) and last I heard,he'd gone missing

Stick with this cocklodger and my story will become yours (maybe he won't shag your mate)

I wasted 3 years of my life with this wanker

Don't be me

(I'm now with a bloke and one of the first things we did when we talked about living together was how we'd split money and who paid for what-we review it every few months so nobody is getting conned and that we are both happy with it)

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 12:34

Sharontheodopolodous · 22/12/2023 11:53

Don't be me

Years ago I met a bloke (didn't move in together until he was facing being homeless-first red flag)

Didn't pay a penny as the poor mite was 'let go' from his job (he quit) but was 'too proud' to claim benefits (they'd force him to get a job)

Lived with me for 18 months-did fuck all round the house,paid nothing,slept all day,drinking on my dime etc etc

I fell pregnant,bubs was 5 months old when Christmas rolled round

He went out,with my bestie and with my money in his pocket to buy my Christmas present

Rolled in,both steaming drunk,beat me up and rolled down the path together-theyd been shagging about behind my back the whole time

Never paid a penny for our child (what a surprise) and last I heard,he'd gone missing

Stick with this cocklodger and my story will become yours (maybe he won't shag your mate)

I wasted 3 years of my life with this wanker

Don't be me

(I'm now with a bloke and one of the first things we did when we talked about living together was how we'd split money and who paid for what-we review it every few months so nobody is getting conned and that we are both happy with it)

So glad you are and your child are in a happy place now with a good partner.

Oh! If I could have the time and money back I wasted on losers over the years.

It makes me hopping mad to see young women get into these situations. I guess I am projecting about how much of my own life I've wasted!

Wish I'd had the internet for some support back then (no family support whatsoever).

Glad OP has sorted it so my blood pressure doesn't go too high!

Dweetfidilove · 22/12/2023 13:02

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 10:17

Additional context - the watch is an Apple Watch and the rent is cheap as he only stays here 3 or 4 nights a week (rest of the time with his parents as he has two jobs, one near me and one near them). The plan was to get a lodger aswell for the spare room but I think it might be a bit cramped on the days they would both be here. Really my bad for not sorting it yet.

Anyway - he’s paid the £500 now -including last month’s underpayment -and given me the receipt for the watch so I can keep it or take it back and get the money instead. And he will be full time at mummy’s in the new year.

Thanks so much for all the comments - although this has been resolved it’s 100% true that this is too much of a red flag to keep going in the relationship and will get worse not better if I give it any more time.

Jen x

Back at mummy’s is the best place for him until he can properly adult 👌🏾.

caringcarer · 22/12/2023 13:40

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

This. I'd tell him it's not working out him living with you and not paying rent. I'd ask him to leave and get a lodger in.

caringcarer · 22/12/2023 13:43

£400 doesn't even get you a room in a shared house.

NotTerfNorCis · 22/12/2023 13:46

He's not really bought you a present at all, has he? What a bastard thing to do.

Pinkelephant66 · 22/12/2023 13:48

How ridiculous 😂 how can he claim it’s a present for you! You’ve paid for it yourself basically.

Rocksonabeach · 22/12/2023 13:49

SutWytTi · 22/12/2023 02:19

The plan isn't working, you need a proper lodger.

Time for your to change the locks 🔐 merry Christmas to him

Rocksonabeach · 22/12/2023 13:49

caringcarer · 22/12/2023 13:43

£400 doesn't even get you a room in a shared house.

Bet it didn’t cost £400 either

hellsBells246 · 22/12/2023 14:02

SleepingBeautySnores · 22/12/2023 02:17

What a knob! Personally OP, I think he sounds like a bit of a cock lodger, and in your shoes I would be giving him his marching orders. You clearly can't rely on him for the income you need, and these men who make grand gestures at the expense of paying the bills, usually end up getting into debt and bringing you down with them. If that's not the future you want for yourself, tell him that it's not working out, and you've decided to get a proper lodger after all. As for sulking about you ruining his grand gesture, well what he did was stupid and irresponsible, so I think you're perfectly entitled to take the gift back and get a refund. These things are nice if you can afford them, but clearly he can't. Time to throw this one back in OP

This!

vincettenoir · 22/12/2023 14:09

This guys an absolute chancer. But it sounds like you're already onto him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/12/2023 14:18

Tell him he's moving out in the new year unless he signs a lodger agreement - either £450 if he shares your room, or £1000 if he wants his own room.
And stick and advert on spare room on January 1st if he hasn't. There is too much money to be made these days renting you don't need to house someone for free.

Rocksonabeach · 22/12/2023 14:41

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/12/2023 14:18

Tell him he's moving out in the new year unless he signs a lodger agreement - either £450 if he shares your room, or £1000 if he wants his own room.
And stick and advert on spare room on January 1st if he hasn't. There is too much money to be made these days renting you don't need to house someone for free.

Please don’t get him an agreement or anything in writing - just boot him

IncompleteSenten · 22/12/2023 14:42

How much will he cost you over Christmas?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/12/2023 15:32

@Rocksonabeach yes if she wants him out of course boot him. Only do my suggestion if she wants a live in bf and a spare room

QueenBitch666 · 22/12/2023 16:56

Get rid. He's a cocklodger and CF

Susie5688 · 23/12/2023 17:46

Dump him idiot a roof over your head is more important than a watch

Winnipeg23 · 23/12/2023 17:48

He's shown you his true colours nice and early on. Done you a favour. He could have wasted years of your life and cost you a whole lot more than £400. Close escape!

Dacadactyl · 23/12/2023 17:49

I've only read the first post on this thread, but you need to kick this total waster out ASAP.

AC3012 · 23/12/2023 17:53

Definitely not being unreasonable! He might think you’ll let him get away with not paying rent or bills or even helping around your flat because he’s your boyfriend.
With a lodger at least you can have clear rules and boundaries x

jrc1071 · 23/12/2023 17:55

Exactly this. Kick him out. He’s a Hobosexual. He is ruining your financial stability.

SecretSantaHelp · 23/12/2023 17:56

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

This!

ITryHarder · 23/12/2023 18:02

Well, you sound like one foolish girl, but you're not alone. The things we do in the name of love. Keep the watch or sell it, get rid of the user boyfriend and find your renter for $1100. You'd have been better off if you got $1100 from someone else and gave him $400 a month to live elsewhere. A deal he should have jumped at being the taker that he is. Whatever you do, don't marry this schmuck. You already see that he's attempting to blame you for his shortcomings.

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