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Original poster

BF bought me a Xmas present instead of paying this month’s rent

303 replies

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:09

Hi all, thanks for listening

i have recently bought a flat with the intention of renting out my spare room to cover the costs. My boyfriend suggested instead, he moved in and paid £400 towards bills and food each month (the rental income would have been around £1100 had I got a lodger).

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Ugh!

TLDR - boyfriend gave me a Xmas present instead of paying towards our bills and food this month. I want to take the present back and have the cash as I already sunk money into buying him something in return.

OP posts:
StragglyTinsel · 22/12/2023 07:35

Fancycheese · 22/12/2023 02:16

You need to get rid of the boyfriend and get a lodger who pays the rent.

Yep.

wibdib · 22/12/2023 07:39

oP if his ‘rent’ is supposed to include food, can you buy some cheap value bread and beans (or something else that’s obviously very cheap) and say that as he hasn’t paid any rent, you don’t have the money to buy him nice normal food - so he will just have to have this cheap stuff going forward.

Or serve up his watch if you want something more visual to show him why the present doesn’t equal rent. And ask him to hand over the receipt so you can take it back for money - like others have said, chances that he actually spent £400 are pretty slim, and the chances that he still has the receipt are minimal, but it will help to show him that you mean business and how useless he/his thought process is.

finally, check out a guy called Jefferson Fisher on Facebook (he might be on Instagram, TikTok etc but I happen to follow him on Facebook so know he is there). He is an American lawyer who is good at speaking and dealing with awkward moments - he just takes a single thing (like how to deal with a narcissist or how to shut down a toxic conversation or how to handle a one upper How to be assertive and so on - each reel lasts a minute or two and he just breaks it down into 3 simple points. Really useful simple ways of talking to someone like your ‘d’ boyfriend to reduce the chances of them winning an argument when they are so obviously in the wrong to start with. I haven’t been following him for long(month or two) but already his followers have jumped from under 1 million to over 2 million in that time because the way he breaks things down make sense and are easy to follow yourself.

Hope you manage to have a nice Christmas and he doesn’t spoil even more of it…

furryfrontbottom · 22/12/2023 07:40

Where was your boyfriend living before he moved in with you? His mum's? She might have been happy to subsidise him. That doesn't mean you have to.

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 07:40

This man is a Grade A manipulator!

He gave me £300 last month, £100 short, but I let it slide.

BIG mistake.
That was him testing the waters and discovering you are too nice for your own good.
Now he's stepping up his game!

He just presented me with a £400 watch for Christmas, which would be very generous, but it turns out that this gift is instead of his monthly payment.

Who the hell does this man think he is?!
He doesn't get to decide that you need a watch more than the rent money!
How does he expect you to pay the bills with THAT?
Plus, he STILL owes you £100!

Because he bought me such an expensive present, I rushed out and got him some clothes and took him out for a meal before realising this.

And he happily let you do that. What a manipulative shit!

I’d like him to return the watch so that I can have the cash instead but he says I’m being ungrateful and ruining his nice gesture.

Guilt-tripping you. More manipulation.

He was hoping you'd be so overcome with pleasure at the sight of the watch that you'd think he was all romantic and sweet and you'd forget about the rent you didn't get this month or last month! The watch was to pave the way for letting you down again and again in the future.

Look, this man is already renting at yours far, far below the going rate and he can't even honour that commitment!

Please insist that watch goes back and that you get your money.

Then give him the boot. He'll bring you nothing but heartache.

You are worth so much more than this.

Florawest · 22/12/2023 07:40

What a grade A sh-t he is.
You have been far too easy on him with £400.

If I was you, I would have conversation with him that he owes you £500 and from next month it’s £650 a month and no less.

If he is arguing about that bye bye but change your locks 🔐 I know that’s extra money and hassle but be so worth it, you will get a decent person ( boyfriend in future) and rent out to another decent person in the meantime..

Best of luck.

PanicAtTheLibrary · 22/12/2023 07:43

Relativelywell · 22/12/2023 02:35

That’s not a present, you’ve bought yourself a watch basically. Tell him it’s either a present or it’s the rent money, if it’s the rent money it can be returned. Then give him notice to leave.

Spot on, perfect explanation of cocklodger maths! 👏👏

Sadza · 22/12/2023 07:45

Nahhh, don’t believe this one. What sensible woman would agree to rent for £700 pm less than market value, allow that to slip by £100 almost immediately and then accept the watch as a Christmas present instead of rent?

If it’s true you need to raise the value you put on yourself and ask him to leave now.

SeaUrchinHat · 22/12/2023 07:46

Glad to hear you’re getting rid OP.

I’m a bit confused though. If you had a spare room to rent out before he moved in, didn’t you still have a spare room? Or is BF best friend rather than boyfriend?

blackberrychutney · 22/12/2023 07:48

Oh no, no, no...
Change the plan OP. Get a lodger! Short payment for the first Month should have been the first 🚩

WhamBamThankU · 22/12/2023 07:48

As if he's bought you a present with your own money! Absolutely not! Get back in the sea mr cocklodger man

SeaUrchinHat · 22/12/2023 07:50

Sorry I see now he is (was?) indeed your boyfriend. In which case you still had a spare room? I really don’t understand how this all came about. I know love is blind but this is pretty extreme.

EmilyTjP · 22/12/2023 07:50

Why have you exchanged Christmas presents early?
Also, surely you still have the spare room to rent out if he’s your boyfriend?

readymealeater · 22/12/2023 07:50

Jen133 · 22/12/2023 02:41

Thank you all for your replies - this is my first ever post in a moment of self doubt so I really appreciate it.

You are all of course absolutely right. I’d also never heard the word cocklodger until today - so that has cheered me up immensely haha.

Luckily I only agreed to this on a 3 month trial so I’ll get my money back for this month and move on post Christmas.

Another one bites the dust!

Luckily I only agreed to this on a 3 month trial so I’ll get my money back for this month and move on post Christmas.

No, no, no, NO!

He goes now.

He hasn't any qualms about keeping agreements has he?

No, the "contract" is broken as of now.

You may be surprised at how much this scumbag manages to bleed you dry by the 3 month mark!

Plus, be careful - the longer he stays the more rights he may have? I don't know the legal side of things, but please, please be careful!

Pemba · 22/12/2023 07:53

I don't know why you agreed to £400 per month anyway, it is minimal. Barely covers his share of the bills, and you could have got £1,100 PCM from a lodger? Were you relying on the lodger money to balance your budget when you were getting the flat?

(BTW, where are you that a room in a flat has the going rate of £1,100 a month? Seems huge to me, last year we were renting a whole detached house for a bit less than that. But you're in London I presume).

But yeah, £400 a month INCLUDING food is a pitiful amount anywhere in the country. DD paid around that for a student room more than 10 years ago. Not including bills and food either. And your partner couldn't even pay that reliably (he's not paid the full amount even once?) He should have realised what a cushy deal he was getting from you, what an idiot.

Warringstars · 22/12/2023 07:53

He bought it with your rent money so you've bought yourself that gift . That you didn’t want. And you spent hundreds on him to equalise “his” gift, that you paid for. So this month and last, he’s made you short of £500 of the agreed sums, plus the money you spent on his gift when you thought he spent his own money. Sounds like this man will financially cripple you and is pretty selfish and lacking in respect for you as he thinks what he did is fine and even when you point out the impact and ask him to rectify it, he doesn’t see it and turns it on you. There is no gesture grand or otherwise to ruin. Maddening.

Branleuse · 22/12/2023 07:56

Can't you still rent out the spare room regardless? Seems more reliable than your feckless boyfriend

Diaria · 22/12/2023 07:59

I think bf needs to move out and you rent the room. He is a leech.

wildwestpioneer · 22/12/2023 08:02

BF out, lodger in. If he can't make the effort for three months, what's he going to be like in three years time.

CommonOrNot · 22/12/2023 08:03

You have a lodger. A cock one.

Beautiful3 · 22/12/2023 08:06

If he started doing that straight away, then he's only going to get worse. I'm sorry but you need to take his gifts back, and return the watch. Tell him to leave, as you need to rent out the room.

grumpycow1 · 22/12/2023 08:09

Dump the chump and get your £1.100 per month. Whack the watch on eBay.

Howbizzare22 · 22/12/2023 08:11

What the fuck!!! You can’t buy someone a present and say that’s instead of this months rent !!!! That’s fucking ridiculous. That’s not a gift. How rude and backhanded! “Oh look at me the amazing boyfriend cos I bought you a ridiculously expensive gift….but yeh I’m not paying you any rent this month because of this but if you say anything you’ll look bad cos look at this expensive gift I bought you!” Fuck off. OP- get rid!!! X

saoirse31 · 22/12/2023 08:11

He's clearly very different to you with regard to money whether saving, paying bills etc. worse, he's essentially making financial decisions for you without your knowledge, ie I'll spend rent money i owe u on a present for you instead. Worse, he didnt pay full rent on first month due, hasn't paid any rent on second month.

Id dump him, tell him to move out, and ask him for your 100 he owes you from last month. You'll never be able to trust him financially.

Tiredalwaystired · 22/12/2023 08:15

What everyone else has said. In buckets.

Although, my burning question is why, if you live together, did he give you your present four days before Christmas?
#MissingThePointButWantToKnow

kitchpaper · 22/12/2023 08:16

Wow so he’s tight, thick and massively arrogant! Total bellend!

Please tell him you’ve dumped his stuff outside in a bin bag!

Slightly off topic but can you seriously charge £1100 pcm for a lodger? So much money!