This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

[KylieJennersMakeUpSponge]

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

YANBU. I'd buy him a £20 Game voucher if they don't want second hand.

Just write back and say that’s so kind of them but you don’t have that sort of budget this year and are happy for her to spend less on your children if it needs to balance.

Just buy something within your budget and avoid asking for suggestions going forward.

So SIL is conveniently forgetting you used to buy for her 20 year old and expecting you to spend the same amount on her youngest as she is on your two children? CF indeed.

Just give him a £10-15 game voucher.

"Please don't ever feel pressured to spend more on our kids than you can afford - I simply cannot afford to match your spending, £20 is the budget. I will buy a gift card for Game and they can put it towards the game themselves"

I think that’s a good idea.

Although…and I know I shouldn’t be mean about a child…you know that scene in Harry Potter where the cousin kicks off because he had one less present than last year. That’s basically DN 🙊 he will probably not be happy to not have a game he can’t play then and there. Which wouldn’t normally bother me but we are spending Christmas Day with them at PILs (DN brings his consoles along to wherever he spends Christmas Day so he can play the games! He came to ours a couple of years ago and was NOT happy when I said no he couldnt plug his Xbox in because we have one TV and we like to watch things through the day).

Sorry- I've just re-read an seen you used to buy for two now adult DCs!

If there are any queries with your purchase that you will be making from Cex, get her brother, your DH to tell her that you're trying to make decisions that don't result in surplus waste - so as the game was already there, you bought it, and because it wasn't full price you were able to get X or Y or Z with it.

Don't spend more than you have.

I was REALLY tempted to message that! I think she must have forgotten I spent 13 years buying for her daughters.

all the time you spent tapping away on this OP, you could have been doing some of the stuff you need to do.

Just buy them an amazon voucher to the amount that you feel comfortable with 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't be having any of this absurdity, honestly. I don't where this grabby entitlement has come from in so many people, but I'll have no part in it. I'd be telling her that in light of her demands, and your need to be sensible, gift giving between the families is no longer necessary. Put that 40 in your savings.

will the two families be spending christmas together?

Lol your very own Dudley Dursley!

I couldn't cope with that. If he kicked off I'd have to say "okay Dudley."

Just say ‘Feel free to only spend £10 each on my 2 if you want to match budgets - DH and I really can’t afford more than £20 this year. Would DN like a voucher towards a game, or shall I just get something else instead?’

Cheeky bugger.

It’s not a case of she’s spending £40 this year and you’re spending £20. Because there were years when she was receiving 2 gifts for her eldest 2 and she didn’t have to reciprocate. And then she was receiving 3 while you received 2. I would say that all the children have had £20 per child spent on them since her eldest was born, so it’s not really fair to change the rules now.

This if she is so tight and thick she can't work it out for herself

I actually have some games the DC don’t play anymore I can trade in at Cex that would get DN a game effectively for free. I think i may just do this and she can lump it And as you say put the £20 in savings/Octopus.

Honestly it’s so depressing that I can’t give my kids the Christmas they want and deserve. Luckily they’re bloody amazing kids who understand that daddy being sick had had an impact on our family finances. But I’m getting serious anxiety about going to PILs where no doubt DN will have a pile of presents to brag about whilst my DC get what is essentially a pile of stocking fillers first world problems I know. I need to get a grip.

If you have to respond to her I would repeat the same. "Can only afford 20 max" and as a pp suggested, you can tell her to spend less on your children if she likes.

I would 100% buy a £20 voucher for the games.

Lots of people do try to match, not my thing but I’d not object, just message back and say you can’t afford it so to reduce your kids to a tenner each, all arguing over 20 quid is pointless.

let me guess…. this issue aside, you and S are not exactly…. besties

Just tell sil to reduce your dc's gift... DN sounds horrific.. Apple and tree spring to mind...

what is your budget for your children?

What a vile human she is. Text her and say “I think it’s more unfair that my sil doesn’t feel our financial difficulties this year should warrant a bit of understanding about a gift budget, especially given the years we spent buying for adult children. I’m sorry you seem to be missing the spirit of Christmas. I hope you find it in time for Monday.”

We actually normally get on well but she can be quite short sighted when it comes to other people’s problems