This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

[KylieJennersMakeUpSponge]

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

Pointless buying for each other children if you’re going to be spending the same on them!
my nieces and nephews get what a buy, I don’t ask their parents what they want,

I REALLY don't usually say this on mn, but @KylieJennersMakeUpSponge you really do sound lovely, and your kids sound like absolutely wonderful little people.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and all the best for 2024

You've asked for ideas.

She's given suggestions you can't afford.

Buy something within budget.

@KylieJennersMakeUpSponge I can see where your DN gets his behaviour from your SIL is indeed a cheeky fucker. If she chooses to spoil your DN thats up to her but she has no right to expect others to do the same especially when money is tight. I'd just buy your DN a games voucher and if he doesn't like it thats tough! Your SIL spoiling of DN is gonna make him a spoiled adult brat when he's older but that'll be her problem to deal with.

I also have a Dudley Dursley in my family, my cousin. She's the youngest of 6 and the only girl and my aunt and uncle spoiled her rotten and now as an adult she's selfish and rotten to the core. She stole some of my other's aunt's birthday money although my aunt couldn't prove it.

She also used to brag about everything she had and make fun of kids who didn't have the latest clothes or gadgets. One year a few weeks before Christmas my uncle her dad found my aunt's xmas money and gambled the lot away. My mum sat me and my sister down and explained what he did and asked us if we would give up some of our presents so she and her brothers wouldn't go without which we of course did and my mum was a single mum at the time working 3 jobs part time and money was tight so we knew what it was like to have to go without luxuries. I gave up a necklace and my sister gave her charm bracelet for her and some other things for her and her brothers.

When we went back to school my cousin was showing off what she had got including the charm bracelet and necklace whilst making nasty comments to another kid because she didn't have a popular sports brand trainers. I wanted to march over and rip the bracelet and my necklace off her and tell her she was lucky to get a xmas dinner that year never mind presents! I didn't do it though but I wish had the ungrateful cow, she never found out what her dad did but she did eventually learn about her dad's extreme gambling addiction when it caused them to lose their house. My uncle still gambles and she's still the same now I keep my distance from her because I struggle to tolerate her grabby entitled behaviour.

Don't cave op and get DN what he wants because he'll never appreciate it or be grateful so no point bending over backwards for ungrateful people make the effort with those who do appreciate the effort .

Very good response !

I had a friend with her own dudleys (3 of the little sods)

They had mum and grandparents who just threw money at them

I was a single mum who had to watch every penny-and to stretch every penny into a pound-just like your doing

I'll never forget the eldest who turned to one of mine and said 'I'm only getting 4k spent on me this year,its not fair'

I felt like shite-mine got £100 max (each-and that took some saving)

Mum and I ended up not buying for each others kids in the end,as it was getting just like what your describing-whatever I bought was just chucked aside for being 'ugh,that's too cheap'

And the kids grew up-mine know the value of a pound note-all work really hard

They also tell me they look back and remember the fun we had,the presents they did get (mostly from the £1 shop),the dinners we ate and our trips to maccys every boxing day (the best bit!)

The dudleys don't have a clue about the value of a pound note (she doesn't understand why) all bum about all day doing nothing and can't remember one toy they where bought at the time

This is what I came here to say .

Oh heck, wrong thread! Apologies!

I buy for mine off my sister she buys for her own off me - saves the hassle

That said we now do a family gift - I usually get them a board game.

You just need to stop and reset you won’t be the only ones doing this this year.

Give the £20 towards the game, that way they only have to pay half for it. Don’t engage in arguments about it, it’s what you can afford and that’s it.

This. ...but maybe £15.

I would just give a voucher or cash and in future I wouldn’t bother asking for a list.
I have given all nieces and nephews cash and a selection box this year, it’s made Christmas much less stressful. I’m struggling to buy for my own dc so I have only given £10 per child.

I voted yabu purely for giving this head space, send the kid a selection box and be done.

I’d have probably just sent her new links of ideas for presents for your kids of things that were £10 each instead. Saves your stress and she loses her argument and looks like a cow. But to be fair she looks like a cow anyway, I’d be taking a step away from her after this Christmas if I were you.

I have a SIL that has always given DS £5 each year until a couple of years ago when it increased to £10.
I cannot bring myself to give my niece and nephew £2.50 each in fact I find £10 each a bit miserly so they usually get £20 each from us.
I forgot birthdays this year, Dnephew was 18 but is struggling with severe MH problems so I will top up his Christmas money.
It’s not like there are lots of nieces and nephews, in fact I have more than SIL has, in total if she sticks to the same amount for each one her 4 Dnephew/Dneice total outlay is £20/40 for the four of them. She even makes her own cards.
They are not short of money just mean of spirit I’m afraid.

Sounds like you have a great plan to cash in some unwanted games to buy his Christmas present. Your children will be fine having less this year and I'm sure will be perfectly grateful for what they do get. Hope things improve for you soon

this is horrible
of the poster that is

If I was feeling generous I'd give a 20 quid game voucher.

But with SIL's petulance I'd throw a tenner in a card and have the decency to slow down the car as I chucked it into their garden.

She's an arsehole.

OP, if helps my favourite toy as a child was a toy dog my mum bought for 50p. It doesn't have to be flashy.

You forgot your nephew's 18th?

I'd have been horrified to have missed my nephew's. How did that even happen? Why didn't you just send something a bit late???

Soooooo many questions

None of anyone's business

When I do Christmas, I try to spend approximately the same amount on each person. I DO NOT inquire, or care what others spend on me and mine. You should give the gift you want to give, at a cost that is sensible for your budget. Your nephew may enjoy a surprise gift and not just one on his list. Good luck

Nasty piece of work I’d give a games voucher for £15-£20. Don’t be drawn into this.

She said she thought it was fair for you to spend 40 since she spent 40, so she is the one who has opened the door to this conversation and barged right through it. I think at this point you almost HAVE to point your side out (that you've bought for her three, and she's only buying for your two), otherwise she'll keep looking for ways to tit-for-tat back at you.

Here’s what irritates me:

How TF does she know your bank balance??
Your telling her that £40 exceeds your budget should’ve been the end of it.
Your SIL sounds like the middle school bullies of my childhood.
Simply spend the £20 and be done with it.
And be of good cheer.