Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

279 replies

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 16:04

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 21/12/2023 17:13

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas
Yet you sent your SIL a link to toys costing £15-£20 each for your two children, and baulk at spending £40 on SIL's one child? 🤔

Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:14

youneveractually · 21/12/2023 17:10

on christmas day those ages… personally i see nothing wrong with hiding from a horrible relative that makes my own children feel a bit shit

but do totally get the desire to also spend with beloved grandparents

Show quote history

I imagine PILs have bought the food now as well it would be v rude to cancel.

I just keep a beady eye on Dudley and pull him on any shitty or boasting behaviour. I may well lose it at him this year though if he makes ANY comments about what my kids got for Christmas (we will be there and they will have all their presents there).

OP posts:
froggybiby · 21/12/2023 17:14

Of course YANBU however given your circumstances I would probably only have bought for my own children this year. People need to understand that there are priorities in life. There is too much consumerism nowadays anyway.

Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:16

So SIL has now sent a screengrab of some £20 presents she’s ordered for my DC. I’ve got about £20 worth of games I’ll be trading in at Cex tomorrow on exchange for a game Dudley wants. he will get his game And hopefully learn the value of buying second hand too! That’s another reason I buy at Cex - you get the same as a new product, you get the benefit of re-using and it’s half the price!

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:16

And sticking the £20 I’d otherwise have spent onto our Octopus accoint

OP posts:
FallingStar21 · 21/12/2023 17:17

froggybiby · 21/12/2023 17:14

Of course YANBU however given your circumstances I would probably only have bought for my own children this year. People need to understand that there are priorities in life. There is too much consumerism nowadays anyway.

Agree, why bother spending £20 for a nephew who will be getting loads from his parents anyway?
Your children should be getting any extra money, considering how little they will have this year.
I wouldn't spend a penny on this nephew anyway, after this Royal CF-ery from his mum.

WimbyAce · 21/12/2023 17:17

starsinthenightskies · 21/12/2023 17:10

I think spending £40 on nieces and nephews is crazy. Is this a normal amount to spend??

I don’t have any nieces and nephews and never will so it’s not actually an issue, but I am intrigued! I would have thought £15-£20 was more normal, that’s about how much I spend on godchildren.

Agreed, my budget is always approx £20. £40 is far too high.

Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:17

StarlightLime · 21/12/2023 17:13

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas
Yet you sent your SIL a link to toys costing £15-£20 each for your two children, and baulk at spending £40 on SIL's one child? 🤔

Edited

Yes I did balk at £40. Can you understand why?

I sent her that to set a precedent on present costs TBH.

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:18

Apologies if I misunderstood your intentions of that post @youneveractually im a right sensitive sod at the moment.

OP posts:
Believingin · 21/12/2023 17:18

We have a similar issue each year. I have 7 dc. My siblings have 1 and 2 . Our dad gives us £50 per child for Xmas and every year they complain that they only get 50/100 and I get more and how he should actually give £166 per family 🤦‍♀️

Tooshytoshine · 21/12/2023 17:18

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:12

By stocking fillers I mean painting sets, pens, crafts, some clothes, books, footballs etc. as in no ‘main’ present like we would normally get

Show quote history

I grew up in a family where money was tight and absolutely loved Xmas as a kid. I liked the being together and making every present count. I liked my dad wearing the silly cracker hats and telling every joke like it was the funniest he had ever heard. My mum enjoying too much cooking wine and letting go after all her hard work then dancing with the dog. We played games and watched TV and it was lovely - I don't remember what my presents were...

Your kids will have a much nicer Xmas than your nephew as presents aren't the main part of Xmas - something your DSiL needs to realise.

StarlightLime · 21/12/2023 17:20

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:17

Yes I did balk at £40. Can you understand why?

I sent her that to set a precedent on present costs TBH.

Show quote history

You were expecting her to spend £40 on your family collectively.

Cattiwampus · 21/12/2023 17:20

Why didn’t you tell her what the budget was when you asked her for ideas?

youneveractually · 21/12/2023 17:21

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:14

I imagine PILs have bought the food now as well it would be v rude to cancel.

I just keep a beady eye on Dudley and pull him on any shitty or boasting behaviour. I may well lose it at him this year though if he makes ANY comments about what my kids got for Christmas (we will be there and they will have all their presents there).

Show quote history

i’ll look forward to the christmas day thread!

WimbyAce · 21/12/2023 17:21

StarlightLime · 21/12/2023 17:13

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas
Yet you sent your SIL a link to toys costing £15-£20 each for your two children, and baulk at spending £40 on SIL's one child? 🤔

Edited

If you read the thread OP has historically bought for more of sil children. It is only at the current time that it's a 1 and 2 child scenario.

Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:23

FallingStar21 · 21/12/2023 17:17

Agree, why bother spending £20 for a nephew who will be getting loads from his parents anyway?
Your children should be getting any extra money, considering how little they will have this year.
I wouldn't spend a penny on this nephew anyway, after this Royal CF-ery from his mum.

Edited
Show quote history

I did consider suggesting we don’t buy for each others kids but I know SIL would anyway and I’d feel like shit for not buying for DN.

We are actually luckier than many people - we just about have been breaking even every month. JUST. Meaning there’s been no cinema trips, theme parks trips, soft plays etc pretty much all year. We did a tea party and movie/popcorn afternoon for their birthday parties. But it does mean I’ve been able to put a little away for Christmas. But we only have 3 nieces and nephews to buy for - 2 of whom I’ve only spent £10 each on (my brothers’ kids). An extra £40 was not gonna but an iPhone and Switch!

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:24

Believingin · 21/12/2023 17:18

We have a similar issue each year. I have 7 dc. My siblings have 1 and 2 . Our dad gives us £50 per child for Xmas and every year they complain that they only get 50/100 and I get more and how he should actually give £166 per family 🤦‍♀️

WTF 😂 so you’d get 8 x £20 notes, a fiver and a £1 coin per family 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:26

Tooshytoshine · 21/12/2023 17:18

I grew up in a family where money was tight and absolutely loved Xmas as a kid. I liked the being together and making every present count. I liked my dad wearing the silly cracker hats and telling every joke like it was the funniest he had ever heard. My mum enjoying too much cooking wine and letting go after all her hard work then dancing with the dog. We played games and watched TV and it was lovely - I don't remember what my presents were...

Your kids will have a much nicer Xmas than your nephew as presents aren't the main part of Xmas - something your DSiL needs to realise.

Show quote history

What a lovely post. Thank you, you are absolutely right. We will have fun and make the most of everything. One of the presents we bought is “Uno show no mercy” - we are a cut throat family of Uno players, I can’t wait to try it out, it was only about £12 and they are gonna be so excited when they realise they can fish out +10 cards to mum and dad 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:27

Cattiwampus · 21/12/2023 17:20

Why didn’t you tell her what the budget was when you asked her for ideas?

She asked me first. Which is why I sent presents around £15-£20 in hopes of setting a precedent.

I should have just said, I know

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:28

StarlightLime · 21/12/2023 17:20

You were expecting her to spend £40 on your family collectively.

Show quote history

Well that’s kind of the whole point of my YANBU.

Do you have a budget per family or per child?

Dod you miss the part where I bought for her 2 older children for 13 years? About 8 of which I had no children of my own. Should I have bought my nieces nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:28

youneveractually · 21/12/2023 17:21

i’ll look forward to the christmas day thread!

Show quote history

I promise to start one 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:31

@yousaf11 - thank you. It’s hasn’t been easy and I’ve so desperately wanted to spend when I really couldn’t afford to - such as buying new clothes for myself. Never been in this position before but I figured being in debt to mortgage/gas/utilities is far more stressful than not buying a new jumper

OP posts:
Believingin · 21/12/2023 17:32

KylieJennersMakeUpSponge · 21/12/2023 17:24

WTF 😂 so you’d get 8 x £20 notes, a fiver and a £1 coin per family 🤣

Show quote history

They get really wound up about it every year, our dad told them last year to ‘shut up and be grateful as it’s per child not per family’ will be interesting on Sunday to see if they can keep quiet …..

Denimdenimdenim · 21/12/2023 17:33

GenXisthebest · 21/12/2023 16:10

YANBU. I'd buy him a £20 Game voucher if they don't want second hand.

This.

Birdcar · 21/12/2023 17:39

I voted YABU because if any spare £20 needs to go towards a gas bill you should have agreed in advance not to do presents at all this year. It's not necessary and it certainly isn't something on which to spend money you don't really have.