This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

[KylieJennersMakeUpSponge]

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

Regardless of the specific amounts spent or not spent, it is just so incredibly rude to me that she would consider requesting the amount you spend on her kids! Surely what someone else buys for you or your children is just to be taken graciously and gratefully as a gift, and that's the end of it. Since when has it all become almost an exercise in accountancy?! The rudeness staggers me. To actually challenge you when you've said you can't afford more than £20 is astoundingly bad manners. Sorry you're having to deal with her.

op, what is your budget for your own children?

I'd tell her not to bother buying gifts and you'll do the same. Such greed is embarrassing!

What on earth has that got to do with you?

It doesn't work like that. My SIL has 3 children, we have one. We buy a gift for each child. Later, when hers are older we might not buy and she still will as we also have another on the way. Cheeky fuckery indeed.

Irrelevant.

think about it….

if the Op’s budget for her own children is , let’s say, £20, then for goodness sakes she needs to be outright honest with her SIL and say no presents this year (either given or received) because every penny going towards own children

You should just say "my budget is around 20 quid what do you suggest?"

still think irrelevant?

You’re doing the right for your kids that they understand the financial problems.

We have a Dudley in our family too! So much so we have received a message this week telling us that child has changed his mind about what he wants for Christmas and we need to return what we’ve bought and get the new wanted items. This is a child who has to receive a present on their sibling’s birthdays too but this isn’t reciprocated on their own birthday. They are nasty with it too with the whole “I got better than you haha”.

I agree with this, simplest solution.

She is rude and grabby, it's supposed to be a gift freely given, she can't demand! And she seems to have no understanding of your financial difficulties this year, that with the demands make her a terrible role model for DN.

Coal bath bombs?

My sister has bought my DS1 a ticket to a concert as a surprise Xmas gift £60. She’s giving my DS2 the same amount in cash. She has one DD. She would NEVER expect me to spend £120 on her DD. She has far more disposable income than me and it was her (very generous) choice to spend that much money

I’d say to only spend a tenner on your kids as your limit is £20. But I agree that falling out over this is silly!

Reading stuff like this makes me so glad I opted out of Christmas years ago.

TBF I would have asked and wouldn't have clarified.

Don't ask in future but let say you already asked and they said they wanted 'PS5 - Minecraft Legends'.

I certainly wouldn't have then clarified 'emmm... is it OK if I go to buy it at this shop where I can afford it as its out of budget at that one'.

I would have just gone to CEX and bought it in the price I can afford and the kid gets that. There is nothing wrong with secondhand (especially when new games easily cost £60 and they are played once then sold to CEX for £5... they depreciate faster and worse than new cars).

I agree with this.
It's grabby and vulgar. How embarrassing for her.

It’s completely irrelevant because this thread isn’t about what I’m spending on my kids

"Dear Cheeky Fucker,
Consider the extra £20 that you are spending as a repayment for the x number of years that I bought for your children before I had my own.
Lots of love OP
PS you may wish to work on your empathy"

Agree with the £20 games or Amazon voucher so DN can buy her own game/ whatever she wants.

Yeah our Dudley will 100% crow in front of my DC about everything he has. DH and I keep telling ourselves that we may not be able to afford 3 games consoles but at least we have well rounded children who have humility. DS wanted a Switch and DD wanted an iPhone. Broke my heart to say no as both second hand would have been achievable in the past but I just can’t stretch to it this year. We also didn’t do a Santa visit this year. I couldn’t find anything for less than a tenner per child. They took both sets of news SO well. I can’t imagine how Dudley would behave if he couldn’t get everything he wants’

Of course, because it is. What the op spends on her own kids is completely irrelevant.

🤣🤣

She has really got into the spirit of Xmas hasn't she!

I have two kids and my brother one child. I do always spend double or so on my niece but that is as my brother has a much lower household income than us. I ask for things around £15 that are high impact for my kids so he gets a good wow reaction (usually something ai have forbidden or is out of the ordinary) then spend about £50 on my niece and might buy her a branded sweatshirt I know other teens like and say it was in the sale or someone bought it for DD but it's far too big and pass it back when she has outgrown it. He knows I am just helping out and always gives me a sheepish thanks but surely that is what Xmas is for? My only regret is that it would embarrass him if I gave my lovely niece more. I would absolutely hate for him to be put in any dire straits in order to buy little lord and lady Fauntleroy (my kids) any more than they already get.

Your DSiL sounds very transactional about Xmas and I would just pass on a gift card towards the game - your nephew won't know the difference. Next year if she wants she can buy your kids smaller gifts or she might stop being an epic arsehole and realise there is joy in giving.

because if her own budget for her own children was £20 then she should say to SIL that every penny this christmas is going to her own children!!