This is definitely Christmas cheeky fuckery isn’t it?

[KylieJennersMakeUpSponge]

Foreword: yes I’m disorganised as hell and have left presents until the last minute yet again. But it is what it is.

SIL has 3 children - 2 who are now adults in their 20’s and a 9yo.

I have 2 children ages 7&10.

When i came into the family I bought for her kids jointly with DH - I knew them from when they were about 5 & 7. We stopped buying once they both went off to Uni, we felt that adulthood was a good age to stop. We always used to go for about £20 per niece.

Anyway, SIL messaged today to ask for ideas for my kids’ presents. I sent some suggestions all around the £15-£20 mark. I asked about DN aged 9. She sent some computer games all priced at £40.

So it’s been a tough year financially for various reasons, mainly due to DH’s ill health. We’ve told our kids that big extravagant presents like what we’ve given them in years before are a no-no (which they’re fine with) and DH and I aren’t buying for one another as we try and put money into savings so we can pay bills through 2024. we are budgeting to within an inch of our lives and tracking literally every penny as we do not want to get into debt. We are already in debit with our gas company.

Anyway I budgeted £10-£20 for nephews and nieces for Christmas, which was very do-able, we don’t have many. However I begrudge paying £40 and I really did have to say to SIL that it’s out of our budget and can she make some cheaper suggestions, or alternatively I can buy a second hand game from CeX.

She had replied to say that she is surprised as she is spending £40 on our children so it’s fair to spend £40 back. And that Cex only ever gives scratched games (not true, my kids have a Cex-bought PS4 and I buy all their games there, never had a problem and even if I did they do warranties on everything!).

AIBU to think that’s not how it works?!

What really pisses me off more than anything though - and I know this isn’t 9yo DN’s fault - but he is the world’s most spoilt child. He has three computer consoles - a switch, PS5 and an Xbox. He has the fancy VR headsets and all the gadgets and the latest games. They always claim they’re skint but he doesn’t go without - and in my view if he wants a certain game so badly it’s not like his only opportunity to get it is by us buying it for him! At the moment £20 is a lot to us, if I do have a spare £20 kicking about I put it towards the gas bill.

Do AIBU to think SIL is a cheeky fucker? She knows that DH has been off work most of the year and that we have less than we normally do. Or is it the case of it’s fair to spend the same amount in total no matter how many kids the other person has?

The game was £20. HTH. Traded in games are games the kids don’t play and didn’t want anymore. In fact one was only played once and thrown to the side! I’ve said this a few times. No idea why you’re ignoring it.

PS they feel fine, just so you know. Because they’re well rounded little people who aren’t grabby and have had a hell of a year not knowing if their dad will have another Christmas with them. He has, and that makes them too happy to give a fuck about video games. I’m thrilled I don’t have grabby materialisation kids who place their own value based on how much their parents spend on them.

PS you clearly like making things up but what makes you think DNephew’s gift is worth more than anything DS has received? Why have you assumed that? A bit weird. Also he’s 7 and doesn’t have a clue the value of things. Maybe you leave the price tags on for your kids but I certainly don’t for mine

She didn't say she was trading in the genes to buy the £40 game the DN wanted. She bought a second hand game for less and with the trade in (of some no longer wanted games) it cost £2 and allowed her to put £18 into her electricity account which seems likee a good idea to me. What else would they do with old games? Wait for them to be totally out of date and then send them to landfill?

She also doesn't don't say that she was spending more on him than her kids. Her budget was up to £20.

She has empathy and has, like us all, been very worried about his health. But she’s absolutely shite at putting herself in other people’s shoes and it won’t even occur to her how dire our financial situation is.

Little SIL update - I’ve told her now that DH hasn’t even been paid his first wage yet after going back hence us tightening our belts but I got DN the game anyway. She replied to say she assumed he’d been getting sick pay, to which I said no and in fairness she did apologise and say she hadn’t realised and she appreciates us getting DN the game

This will send some of you into a tailspin - DH will be getting a lower wage than normal this month due to working PT for the last few weeks. But it will still be a godsend for us. In his company they give an option to pay December wages before Christmas. After much thought he said no, he’d have them on the 29th as normal as we’d end up splurging it on Christmas presents and as EVERYTHING is going up in price we will really need that money for January. That was a tough call but it was the right one.

It was the right call. I hate the early pay day in December, so pointless, just encourages overspending.

Well I get paid on the 21st anyway but I used to have early pay days at my last place and it was always soooo long until January pay day.

Also PSA:

Museums are free! Even in winter. The kids also learn something. And loads round here have play areas.

I don't know why you're getting a hard time from some people on here @KylieJennersMakeUpSponge.

You and your husband sound like you're doing a great job in challenging circumstances and raising good, sensible kids who aren't little Dudleys.

Merry Christmas to you and I hope 2024 brings better things for your family.

@KylieJennersMakeUpSponge

Have you tried selling things? I list all my DC clothes, my old clothes and whatever is cluttering the house on eBay.

Not a brag, just to let you know, because I couldn't believe the prices people pay for used stuff, I make around £650 a month. And only list twice a month when its the 80% off listing fees. It takes me maybe 3hrs a week of photos, listing, and subsequently posting. I only work 3 days a week because of it.

Just today, a pair of jeans I'll never fit into again, sold for £29. And a weird little bandana that I don't even know where it came from sold for £9. Sold a load of Christmas decs last month (from several years back when I was convinced a pink themed tree would be super) and for packs of ten pretty boring baubles, that I probably paid no more than £20 for from the garden centre, I sold each box for £17.

An old WiFi router that I was going to chuck, I searched on eBay just to see if it was worth anything. Sold for £69. Old tech goes for silly money.

Toys, old bedding, utensils, picture frames, old chargers, computer games, shoes.... honestly if you haven't tried it, thinking "meh, this is all old junk, no one wants this" that's exactly what I thought and I couldn't be more wrong.

@ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe i actually made about £200 on Vinted selling old clothes which partly went to bills partly the Christmas fund! Then the kids started selling their old clothes (or I did on their behalf), Lego sets etc - they made £30 each and I treated them to toys, they loved it and are very excited to sell more of their old stuff after Christmas 😂 will have another ratch through my old stuff.

I think you've not read OP's posts correctly. Her children have had plenty of social fun activities throughout the year, free ones, not the expensive days out. Nothing wrong with that. Why would people be infuriated that she decided to buy a small number of nieces/nephews a Christmas present of a value up to £20 each instead of wasting a small fortune on cinema and theme park days out? That's just wasteful and unnecessary.

And no, she didn't trade her son's games to spend £40 on a Christmas gift for her nephew, she exchanged old games that her children no longer paid with that were exchanged with only having to add TWO pounds to for a second-hand game that was NOT £40. A brand new game would have been £40, which she said she could not afford and did not purchase.

People absolutely have been attacking OP on this thread and it has made for very uncomfortable reading. I absolutely would have done the same as OP, had I been in her shoes.

So would I, except I might not have bought presents for others outside the immediate family. Or, if I did, it would be pound shop box of malteasers/family presents.

We never went on many paid activities as kids, and it didn't do us any harm. I don't really remember any paid activities, except farms maybe, and trips with the school or playscheme.

The best memories I do have is taking our bikes to the park/woods/lakes, walks, picnics at the marshes, or trips to the beach, all free things.

Wishing you and your family all the best for 2024, you sound like a great person better than me as l would distance myself from your greedy SIL.
Indeed children can have a good time foc my local library had great activities for children last 2 weekends and my little one loved it.

And the Christmas empathy award goes to…
🎄🤦🏻‍♀️

YANBU about any of the things mentioned on this thread OP!
It’s really sad how people prioritise objects and debt over stability and supporting loved ones. We had a difficult couple of years financially before this year and we cut back on everything and this kids were happy with the park and play dates. This year is much better for but we still don’t waste money and eldest understands saving for something he really wants than wasting money. Paid days out are still a big treat because for a family they’re a lot of money.

We have started camping and will carry this on and have booked a Sun caravan break as the kids love a caravan more than anything.

So much is about money and show and I think you’re teaching your children true values OP and I hope you all have a lovely Xmas 🎅🏼

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS

i may have had a Bucks Fizz or 2.

Kids LOVED their presents. They also had lots from other family so I have 2 very happy little people playing a VERY competitive game of Guess Who with one another 🤣

Dudley has just come round, declared Guess Who is for babies and is now on his Xbox (which he brought round).

I also made the most amazing chestnut and pancetta stuffing last night but I need to find a way of telling PIL that I ate half of it last night because it was so tasty 😂😂

Oh and yesterday MIL took DD shopping and, as a surprise for me, they got me a present that DD picked - some hair curlers. I was so chuffed! DH got a jumper too? Again picked by DD

Sounds great, OP!

I completely get what you are saying and I would have done pretty much the same. £20 between them wouldn't have made much difference and not giving a present to your nephew would have brought some tensions and been unkind to the kid (no matter how spoilt he is). You got it for £2 anyway!

Great.
I hate kids that say what other kids are playing is babyish.
My friends daughter used to do it all the time (dolls were babyish at 6 according to her!)… she was instead on tech ALL THE TIME… I stopped going round there pretty much, personally I think computer games over stimulate their growing brains and cause issues… as well as causing issues with socialising!
Like Dudley tucked away on his games yesterday.. my friend barely saw her kids! My DD sat and socialised, laughed and played cards all evening… we don’t even have a games console!
What did Dudley think of his game?

He was happy with it. I think it completely passed him by that it was a Cex game.

I agree I hate kids sneering at other kids’ interests. IME they turn into sneery adults

He'd never know where it was bought though, so good for you for finding a way for getting what he wanted within your budget.

Your children sounds lovely, you should be very proud.

So glad you’ve had a good Christmas OP and I hope 2024 is much easier for your family 💐

Did the new Uno go down well? My family gets pretty cutthroat with the usual game 😁

Does SIL know the game was from Cex? I’d have to make sure I casually dropped it into the conversation, especially since Dudley is happy with it. Partly because if she thinks it’s new she will assume she was right about expecting you to spend £40, and partly because she was such a sneery madam about buying from there it would be funny.

OP, ignore the martyrs on the thread telling you what they would have prioritised and how they would have done it, despite knowing nothing about what your family was actually feeling and going through this year.

I'm glad your husband is showing signs that he's on the road to recovery. Finally being able to work part time will be helpful for the family budget and his mental health ... and hopefully he'll start to regain his stamina and strength as well.

Good luck to your family in the new year.

UNO No Mercy is great but it took AGES to finish!

I’m guessing she knew it was from Cex as it wasn’t cellophane wrapped but I give zero shits!

Why on earth are you two placing orders for Christmas presents? This is completely missing the point of Christmas, isn't it? Get your partner to sort it. It's HIS sister ffs.

Omg @YorkshireBreadQueen - read the thread. The OP's DH is sick.
why come in 4 months later to comment that??? So weird