To think it’s going to look like I’m copying my SiL

[Purplegirly01]

I need some honest advice.

My brother & SIL got engaged a couple of years ago and married this year. I got engaged this year and my wedding is all booked and arranged for next year.

I’d jokingly said to my now fiancé that I expected a bigger engagement ring than my SIL’s - unfortunately he took it literally and got
exactly the same ring, but my centre diamond is quite visibly bigger. My DB and SIL never commented on my ring at all, however I’ve heard through mutual friends that they were both really upset by it. It was embarrassing for me having people comment on how similar they are but I didn’t want to make my fiancé feel awkward about it.

Fast forward to their wedding, and my SIL’s wedding dress is really similar to the one I had already ordered & paid for. I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok but I obviously couldn’t say what the issue was.

My mum is the only person who has seen my dress and she said it’s fine, no one will remember her dress & compare but I can’t help feeling that I look like a massive copy cat especially with the rings too! I really don’t know what to do - it’s my dream dress but I’m worried I look silly with all the similarities. My SIL and I are not close at all, we are very different people and she’s not really my sort of person and I find her quite formal and uptight which is another reason why I feel so awkward about the dress being so similar.

YABU - you look like you’re copying
YANBU - no one will notice

Well, she cried about your ring and you gret (at her wedding!) about her dress.

Are you all a bit high strung?

I don't think the ring really matters. You didn't choose it and presumably nobody knows you said you wanted a bigger diamond.

But this...
Fast forward to their wedding, and my SIL’s wedding dress is really similar to the one I had already ordered & paid for. I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok but I obviously couldn’t say what the issue was.
Is so bad. Everybody will remember that. And your wedding is the same colour scheme. And same dress. I'm gonna go ahead and guess its gonna be a bigger event aswell.
Add in the fact you've been "waiting longer". Yeah you're gonna seem like a spoilt spiteful brat to be perfectly honest.

OP said the colour schemes of the dress were similar: “same colour different shades” not the wedding.

Now I'm calling this a wind up.

The fact the mum said no one would remember the sil dress and compare.means she’s pretty much bought the same dress or as close as she could . Otherwise the mum would have said no they aren’t the same, don’t worry.

agree with the pp, folks will know she’s the same dress, the same ring, the same colour scheme and pity her on her wedding day . No one will believe it was all a coincidence. Especially after the drama at the wedding.

where I very much doubt it was because she’d already bought and paid for everything for her wedding, and more so jelous and wanted everything her sil had, from the dress on.

Change the dress and change the colour scheme asap.

What a ridiculous pantomime. Ofc she'll think you've copied - it sounds as though you have tbh. Bad form to have an emotional crisis over it at her wedding too.

You need to change it all.
You will look like a dick. Because you have behaved like one.
I'd be absolutely mortified if I were you and how your fiance is putting up with this batshit carry on is beyond me.

Nailed it.

Isn't it just?
Btw, op, didn't you have any input into your own engagement ring?

How very sad that you were critical of her ring and then made her day about you. I hope your sil is ok.

You forgot one bit.
'To be fair, I'm not actually trying to copy her.
I'm trying to one up her.
I'm determined to show that I've been engaged longer and its actually all about me. It's v important everyone sees I'm better than her.
But now they are onto me and I'm fucked.

I would personally change dresses but I know this would play on my mind and make me anxious. Even if she never even thought like that it just wouldn't be worth the overthinking for me

I don't me to be rude but are you always self absorbed?

I literally could not give a flying fuck about the size of engagement rings, my mam got a very similar one to me right after I got engaged hers was bigger/flashier, I like dainty (in fact thought mine was a bit to big as I like tiny)... both where nice rings, we clearly share good taste.

A white dress is a white dress, theres only a few styles really so the chances ANYONE will remember one from another is bloody minuscule.

I just googled wedding dresses and grabbed 5 random pictures of completely different brands of 'lace A line' (the 'classic' wedding style that is most popular) below.

Do you really think Uncle Johnny, Cousin Sally or Grandma Dorothy are going to say 'wow she clearly copied by wearing that similar white dress'? No one will remember the details by your wedding and a wedding dress looks like a wedding dress.

My sip was pregnant and not wearing her rings for months when I first new her. When she started I discovered that we had almost the same engagement ring! It was common at the time formtingsnto have a coloured stone - and the only difference was that we had different stones. We just laughed about it!

You couldn't take the "joke" 🙄back, no.

But you could have easily taken the ring back. Instead it is there like a permanent symbol of your silly one-upmanship game. That only you are playing it seems.

Also similar color schemes in different shade don't matter, theres only so many colors.

Someone with a sky blue theme and someone else with Navy will NOT look alike.

Someone with lilac and someone with cadbury purple will NOT look alike.

Someone with sage green and someone with emerald will NOT look alike.

My best friend and I both had sky blue as our colour... our wedding where NOTHING alike.

Just style it out.

Comments about the ring - just say "I never picked it, but I do love it" and change the subject.

Maybe start mentioning things about the dress now - "your dress was beautiful, we have very similar tastes, the lace bodice of the one I ordered weeks before your wedding is very similar, but the skirt is different - I guess one lacey wedding dress is pretty much like another, everyone will be thinking we are both copying Kate Middleton!!! 🤣"

Then don't overthink/worry about it.

They are drama llamas too though, aren't they?
OP was told by others that her DB and SIL were both "really upset" about the ring.

True, the OP hasn't done herself any favours with her behaviour at their wedding. But perhaps she wouldn't have been so anxious about the dress, had her DB and SIL not been so extreme in their reaction in the first place.

What is interesting about this thread is the number of posters apparently genuinely angry and afronted at the thought of the similarities. Some accusing OP of copying SIL, despite the fact DP chose the ring, and the dress was ordered before she’d even seen SIL’s.

Wth is wrong with all of you? Are you all insecure, competitive and uptight? Do you seek to distinguish yourselves via dresses and rings?

In the real world NO-ONE gives a fuck.

Sounds like there is a lot more going on here. If I went to a dear friend's or relative's wedding and it turned out her dress was similar to the one I'd just ordered, I wouldn't freak out. Because I know she would just find it funny or even complimentary, and we'd probably have a laugh about it, but I certainly wouldn't be so freaked out by the idea that she might think I was copying her that it would ruin my experience of her wedding.

Sounds like this is just a symptom of something else either that you need to work on in yourself, or in your relationship dynamic, or both.

I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok but I obviously couldn’t say what the issue was
Way OTT. What a drama llama 🙄

You're not doing yourself ANY favours with your posts trying to explain how you are not copying her and it's just a big coincidence. Easy to read between the lines

Thing is though, the fact that she's admitting that they're close enough to think people will say she's copied looks guilty. "Me thinks she doth protest too much" and all that.

I made my wedding dress and my sister's from the same pattern. They were different fabrics, but the basic dress was the same. It never occurred to me or her that people might think she was copying me. If she'd started saying "oh people are going to think I copied you" I'd be suspicious that she was deliberately copying me.

I was honestly devastated and could barely hold it together on the day. Everyone kept asking me if I was ok but I obviously couldn’t say what the issue was

YABU for this alone (nobody will notice or care about the dress). I feel sorry for your SIL. Her wedding day, but you made it all about you.

It would be perfectly fine to just carry on (maybe avoid further oneupmanship jokes). You haven’t copied her except for the ring and it’s all a bit childish to be taking offence over any of it. If you’re going to get snubbed for it, you could, reasonably, just shrug your shoulders and carry on. How they react to things is up to them.

I doubt many people other than SiL are going to even remember what SiL wore by the time your wedding comes round. SiL will notice the similarities, just as you did. If your DB and SiL really have been commenting on your ring to other people then it seems likely they do notice and read meaning into these sorts of things and from your reaction at their wedding, so do you. So it might be worth a conversation with your DB and SiL to clear the air, find out how they feel and make and changes you can (that you feel are valid) to smooth over any niggles.

But this is a lot of drama over the unimportant bits of getting married. Probably better to work on your relationship with DB and SiL in other ways.