To think women who enjoy choking during sex should know the risks?

[ImTheGoat]

In a different thread the topic of choking during sex has come up repeatedly. Some women say they enjoy it and it's none of anyone else's business. Others have said it gives abusive men an excuse to hide behind if and when they murder their partners- see here for some tragic stories but bear in mind they're upsetting https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/

My own point of view is that choking during sex is dangerous. Study after study have pointed out that it can cause death or lead to brain damage. It's easy to find this information online but here's an article about it https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-sexual-asphyxiation I do think people should be able to do what they want sexually if it isn't hurting anyone. But I also think people should be aware of the risks. In the other thread people who raised any objection to choking during sex were called "pearl clutchers" or "sex police." AIBU to think no, knock yourself out if that's what you want to do but at least acknowledge it isn't a safe sexual activity?

Do you have anything to say on the topic or are you just here to attack me personally, @bedbugsandbedsheets ?

Because, in the same way that some folk get off on choking or other kinky activities in the bedroom, others get off on policing everybody else's sex lives.

Does any woman actually enjoy this?

I mean, it's not something I'm interested in, but if you partake in choking surely the risks are incredibly fucking obvious? Not sure how you could have someone wrap their hands around your throat and not understand the risk.

Not sensitive at all 😂actually glad you're bumping this thread for me...just wondering if you had anything intelligent or constructive to say on the topic?

Absolutely

And as far as being obsessed with or policing other peoples sex lives goes, once men start to get away with murdering women (which they are ) coz "it was just rough sex gone wrong" then it becomes everyone's problem.

Fit makes you think they dinna?

We know the risks, OP. That's why we usually have safety precautions in place (safe words, safe signs and such). And yes @notsuredate some women and men do enjoy it as well as other "unsafe" practices.

Men are not getting away with it. That's what manslaughter charge is for. Killing someone by accident (or indeed with their consent) is still a criminal offence.

To me the whole idea is totally insane. Seriously, why would any woman put herself at such serious risk? How can a relationship be truly equal if you submit to this kind of craziness? This isn't BDSM or a harmless bit of spanking with a wooden spatula - it's bloody dangerous!

Seriously? You think that because you wouldn't enjoy something no other woman in the entire world could possibly like it?

It's not my thing, but like others I resent being told how to have sex. Judging and lecturing consenting adults on what they choose to do in private (including telling intelligent, capable women that they are not able to make these decisions so they must be pandering to men) is not OK.

It’s strangulation, not choking.

Genuine question, how can you say a safe word or make a safe sign if your brain is being deprived of oxygen because it’s gone too far? You can’t speak and you can’t move your hands properly if you’re oxygen deprived. So how is it done?

My thoughts exactly. Did scores of women 25, 50, 100 years ago get off on being strangled?

I don’t think we should call it choking or breath play, call it being strangled.

No one intrinsically gets off on being hurt. It’s a combination of porn, trauma and wanting to please men.

I don’t think we need a study to know that choking can lead to brain damage or death. It’s about as obvious as knowing you’ll get wet if you go out in the rain. Irrespective, peoples kinks and sexual preferences are just that and aren’t anyone else’s business. It’s down to the person to know and trust who they’re having sex with and to ensure both parties are fully informed with regards to boundaries and consent. For people to say “people don’t really enjoy it”, yes they do. Just because you can’t get on board with the idea and you don’t understand it, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who genuinely enjoy it. You don’t have the right to be so dismissive of other people’s sex lives and police what they should enjoy. Some people do have a naturally positive reaction to pain, some people don’t experience pain in the same way or same degree as others. It’s extremely dangerous but lots of people have dangerous and high risk hobbies. It’s up to the individual.

@notsuredate err yes, of course some of us do.

I don’t go in for full on asphyxiation, but I like a had around my neck now and again. As long as you’re with someone you trust then it’s fine. My DP enjoys it too, but he is always a bit afraid of hurting me. He doesn’t go far with it.

I don’t think those who are the type that genuinely want to hurt women will hold out for someone who likes a bit of rough just to cover for themselves. If they are going to kill they’re going to kill. Not enjoying rough sex won’t save you.

Actually, there are studies of the brain that pleasure/pain are closely linked and plenty of people 'get off' on pain, it's just not yours - or my - cup of tea

I think it is quite worrying in a relationship if you have to have safe words or signs to protect yourself.

Would you encourage a younger female relative to get into practices like this. If your daughter died or ended up with brain damage due to her partner ‘choking’ her during sex, would you just say ‘well at least she was enjoying herself at the time’

SocksAndTheCity lol wild assumption there. I’m not judging at all. I find it fascinating that people can sexually enjoy something that could violently kill them. Im also perplexed by it. No need to go off on one for a perfectly legit question 😵‍💫

Irrespective, peoples kinks and sexual preferences are just that and aren’t anyone else’s business

Disagree. If “kink” is being used as a defence in murder trials we are allowed to have an opinion on it. When “kinks” cause men to behave dangerously, often in public, we are allowed to condemn it.

Extreme example, but there’s a story in the news right now about a man who kept dumping soiled adult nappies (his own) at a nursery. Then he went through their bins to find the soiled nappies of babies and children to commit sex acts (the charge is “outraging public decency”). I’ll let you read between the lines as to what he was doing.

But let’s not kink shame, hey?

I think it should be more on the person doing the choking to know the risks, and I haven't seen that conversation being had anywhere in real life or on the internet. The link you've shared is fine as a collection of scary stories, but it doesn't seem to do much to address the person doing the choking and the agency of their actions.

I don't know what website I'd create to solve that issue, but the one you've linked to doesn't do it for me.

Since the beginning of time humans have done dangerous shit because they like it or it makes them feel good. I think rally car driving is stupidly dangerous and risky, as any extreme activity. But when it’s women asserting their own sexual pleasure they’re told they don’t know the risks/they’re encouraging murderers to murder/they’re foolish.