to insist DH does not give his exp this information about me?

[tikkytakk]

I'll admit that I do not like DHs ex. She almost enjoys trying to make life awkward and difficult for us and acts entitled to time/money/information about us thats nothing to do with her or DC/ basically anything she wants from us whenever she clicks her fingers but they share DC so I've grinned and put up with it for their sake for coming up to 8 years now.

I have no contact with her aside from the odd hello how are you at drop off or pick up. I don't have her number, we've never had more than a two minute conversation etc.. just to give context.

Anyway, a few years ago I had a traumatic medical experience it was kept relatively on the down low and at the time the children didn't even know the real reason why I was unwell, just that I was poorly for a while. I recently received some compensation for this and also a small but not insignificant early inheritance from one of my parents and have spent it on a few things I.e. a new car for myself, a holiday for me and DH recently (which did not affect the time DSC were with us) and some other bits including a little work to the house that needed doing.

Ex has done her usual and demanded to know where DH is suddenly getting the money from and if he's come into some money he can be paying her more maintenance. He's simply replied with its not his money and she's said she doesn't believe him and asked again where it's come from. I've told him under no circumstances do I want my personal situation divulged to a woman I don't like and who's business it absolutely isn't.

Aibu to say he just needs to keep insisting it's not his and tell her it's none of her business. DH thinks if we just tell her she'll drop it. And she can make life very awkward and hard when she doesn't get her own way but I don't care, I'm tired of dancing to her tune whenever she demands it and this is my health and my business, nothing to do with the nosey so and so.

Spot on .
to be quite honest I wouldn't be asking any info from someone am no longer with

I get child support for my eldest. I wouldn't ask. Nor would I want more. It's neither my concern (Id not ask).

She has zero righs to access any personal data.

Tell her to jog on!

I get child support for my eldest. I wouldn't ask. Nor would I want more. It's neither my concern (Id not ask)

she’s simply asking if he’s had a massive payrise which would mean more child support. It’s a right, not a beg

She has been told, and won’t accept it. That is inappropriate and if she so strongly disbelieves him, she can go through CMS to challenge.

Why doesn’t he do 50/50 so there’s no maintenance?

oh, because he’s a shit father you say?

sp yes, she has a right to ask his earnings. Going through CMS takes a percentage off which doesn’t benefit the kids. He just needs to show her his payslip. Simple. Dad of the fucking year

@Showmethesunny

When I have checked CMS calculations, they still give one for 50:50, is that not accurate to real life?

@SemperIdem no, by court of law no money exchanges when it’s 50/50

CMS is separate from family court decisions and any financial orders? Not everyone requires a court order for custody and CMS is applicable.

I’ve never done CMS with my ex, probably should have done and would do, if I had my time again. But we’re effectively been 50:50 and when I’ve been particularly irritated, I do look at the theoretical calculation on the gov website, which very much does provide a suggested payment for 50:50. No idea how often it’s applied in real life, however.

Projecting ... much!

Maybe their personal circumstances mean he can't do 50/50. We don't live in an ideal world. We have to make the most of our situation.

That’s not actually true.

In some circumstances money can be still payable for 50:50

And she has been told he hasn’t.

If she doesn’t believe it she can go to CMS and get them to check.

She is entitled to anything else. The fact that she hasn’t suggests she knows he hasn’t had a massive pay rise. She just wants to know.

If she chooses not to believe the truth that’s her pribkem. Not the Ops or Ops dh.

Chances are the ex will be wound up whether she knows where the money is coming from or not. Once she knows about OP’s inheritance/compensation she will just try to claim it’s family money. So the mithering will just continue. AND OP’s privacy won’t have been respected either which is what this thread is all about. It will be a lose lose for everyone if the ex knows including the ex, because it will just make her bitter and jealous. She will also bring it up all the time too I bet. “ tikkytakk has got that money so you can both pay for xyz as you have more money than me.” … which would be wrong as it’s OP’s money and it shouldn’t necessarily have to go towards dsc’s costs.

CMS is separate from family court decisions and any financial orders? Not everyone requires a court order for custody and CMS is applicable

I know this I am divorced. Although we do 50/50 so no CMS

I do look at the theoretical calculation on the gov website, which very much does provide a suggested payment for 50:50. No idea how often it’s applied in real life, however.

it’s not. That’s the point. From the Gov website Q: What happens if the day-to-day care of a child is equal between a paying parent and a receiving parent? A: In this situation, the paying parent does not have to pay any child maintenance for that child

someone above has said that in some situations one person still has to pay, this would only arise from an odd occasion like the child sleeps 50/50 but one parent does ALL the childcare apart from sleeping. And this would be hard to prove.

Chances are the ex will be wound up whether she knows where the money is coming from or not. Once she knows about OP’s inheritance/compensation she will just try to claim it’s family money. So the mithering will just continue

tell me you don’t know anything about finances following divorce without telling me…..

family money isn’t a thing after a clean break divorce. You sound like a bitter man

I meant the ex might try to claim the inheritance is family money between OP and her husband as an argument to get his maintenance increased.

I know it’s not family money between the husband and his ex 🤦🏼‍♀️. It’s literally the opposite.

Yup, and I reckon it's @queenofallqueens ...😂