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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

600 replies

Lolabear38 · 21/12/2023 03:25

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 22/12/2023 16:14

Serenitymummy · 22/12/2023 14:01

There is no way I could trust this woman to have my daughter in her care after this. If this is the way she's speak to an adult in public how on earth must she speak to the children when there's no one else around to hear it?! Massive red flag for me I'm afraid, keep your kid away from that!!

That's what I think.

She sounds petty enough to make the child's life a misery out of spite because the mother has "challenged" her.

Mumof32017 · 22/12/2023 17:38

Icouldbehappy · 21/12/2023 03:43

I’d have collected the points. You used your car and time to go and collect the food.
Tell her to fuck off.
She had her chance.

Absolutely this! The reaction was over the top crazy and in front of everyone else. Fuck that shit.

zombie0037 · 22/12/2023 17:46

She should of asked if it was OK, to have them, to cover your own back, chance are she would of said yes

Pluviophile1 · 22/12/2023 17:53

zombie0037 · 22/12/2023 17:46

She should of asked if it was OK, to have them, to cover your own back, chance are she would of said yes

The points were not the teacher's to 'give away'.

AnnieSnap · 22/12/2023 17:57

You were not unreasonable. Based on what was said to you the points were wasted otherwise. Also, didn’t her change of mind mean she intended to keep the points for her own future use? If everyone paid $15, it wasn’t her money either!

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 22/12/2023 17:57

OMG, that's shocking behaviour. You have absolutely done nothing wrong here. You asked her if she had a reward card, which was fair. She didn't! I would maybe skip the next class or 2. (Not out of your shame) just, with the hope that someone reasonable would point out to her reward cards don't work her way, and that chastising you in front of an audience is unacceptable...twat!!
Good luck

Evan456 · 22/12/2023 18:00

Surely if they weren’t collected at the time, they would’ve been lost anyway? I know most places now don’t let you have them retrospectively

wronginalltherightways · 22/12/2023 18:00

I suspect she's hoping you won't pursue the issue and she can pretend it never happened so she doesn't have to apologise.

surreygirl1987 · 22/12/2023 18:01

*If she didn’t collect the points they’d just have gone to waste, surely? They’re worth what - a pound or two at most? The OP went to collect the food using her time and petrol. The other woman doesn’t even have an account and has no more right to the points than the OP but was specifically asking for them for herself. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, OP.

If it goes any further just say what you’ve said here - the owner didn’t want them and they’d have gone to waste otherwise. You might want to say, ‘You should go and get the food next time and then you can collect the points’.*

This. I'm so sorry about her attitude towards you - completely out of order.

surreygirl1987 · 22/12/2023 18:04

It's the OP who must apologise. She stole something. Personally, I'd cringe to be in her position. Awful. To have acted in such a way would make me want to hide away in shame. The points were not hers. She put them on her card. That is stealing however small the amount. She needs to apologise. And she will probably need to find a new dance teacher for her DC because that dance teacher is highly unlikely to have that child back and there is also no way back for what the OP has done.

This is utterly ridiculous (are you the dance teacher?)

surreygirl1987 · 22/12/2023 18:06

Are you a teacher @Grammarnut? That is the only reason you would be sticking up for the batshit teacher. They are loyalty points, why would anyone get so uptight about a few loyalty points?

Nah, I'm a teacher too and I think the dance teacher sounds like a total nutter. There is NO reason to stick up for batshit teacher. How appalling.

Buffs · 22/12/2023 18:09

You are very definitely not being unreasonable. The dance teacher was completely in the wrong, to speak to you like that particularly in front of others was unforgivable.

Bignanny30 · 22/12/2023 18:21

I’d have done exactly the same as you did. I hope u can find a new dance class so that your daughter doesn’t miss out.

FindingNeverland28 · 22/12/2023 18:25

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. You asked, she said no. Plus, she wasn’t paying for the meals, you and the other parents were. If you were “stealing” from anyone, it was the other parents. Not her!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 22/12/2023 18:26

She was totally unprofessional and I’m glad you stood up to her and didn’t apologise.

Shes the cf not you

Tessabelle74 · 22/12/2023 18:32

They're no more her points than yours! If she paid then yes, but as the parents all paid then technically she should only get the points for the meal she paid for. No way I'd be going back to her classes

FreddieMercurysCat · 22/12/2023 18:38

YANBU! Just like I have a supermarket loyalty card under my work’s name. I collect the points because I’ve been there on my own time under my own steam using my own diesel. However, I do get deals every so often where I can get snacks & treats for the staff kitchen.

Towwanthustice · 22/12/2023 18:39

I'd of done this same and have done similar in the past.
Unsreasonal to call you a thief.
I probably wouldn't return either.

Nicaced10 · 22/12/2023 18:46

I wouldn’t have done it ! However she’s acted way over the top and it really didn’t even merit a reaction. I wouldn’t take my daughter back there and aside from what you did being a bit cheeky that’s all it was.

Also it doesn’t merit an apology so I wouldn’t text, infact I wouldn’t speak to her again.

Redhead1234 · 22/12/2023 18:58

It’s not Stealing at all. You asked about the points, she didn’t want them, you volunteered your time to help. The points would have gone to waste and I would have done the same as you and collected the points myself.

pineapplesundae · 22/12/2023 18:59

Why does the owner feel entitled to the points? You may throw out the first olive branch by explaining your thought process but she is the one who owes you the apology, and in front of the other parents. She smeared your good name and she had no right to do that. If another one of the parents had picked up the order, I think they would have taken the points as well rather than have them go to waste.

Mumof3confused · 22/12/2023 19:03

If you didn’t have the receipts she wouldn’t have had the pints anyway, in fact she might not have been able to collect them in retrospect anyway. I hope you’d said very loudly that you’d asked her and she’d said she doesn’t want them so you didn’t think you should just let them go to waste.

Is there any way you’d an avoid going back? I wouldn’t want to after this!

T1Dmama · 22/12/2023 19:21

I’d be following up your previous email with a short one stating that you are giving notice with immediate effect that you will not be sending your daughter to any future classes with her after her unprofessional behaviour … I’d also point out that you might’ve taken the points but you were at least one of the parents paying for food AND used your fuel to collect the food! …
then cancel your direct debit !!

bananamangoes · 22/12/2023 19:31

those points were your reward for collecting the food

the woman sounds unhinged. I would cancel her class

Dickwadddddd · 22/12/2023 19:32

I’d have collected the points. What’s the issue? You asked her and she said she didn’t. She sounds so rude. And you were doing her a favour helping. She had no right to shame you like that

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