To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

[Lolabear38]

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes.

She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders.

I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself.

I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that.

I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

Do move your daughter. The teacher will then perhaps notice that she's lost quite a lot more than the value of the points by her behaviour. I suspect that she may have put a few of the other parents off also.

I still can't believe @Grammarnut .

Thanks for the update. Brilliant message. I'd look for another dance school too.

Are you a teacher @Grammarnut ? That is the only reason you would be sticking up for the batshit teacher. They are loyalty points, why would anyone get so uptight about a few loyalty points?

'The shame' 😳

Do you have a group text chat or something similar? If so I'd send a message to everyone, something along the lines of

'I understand there have been some discussions around the points claimed at x restaurant following the Christmas get together, as such I've donated x amount to x charity rather than have any one person benefit from the points.'

OP did not steal anything. Theft is the dishonest appropriation of property belonging to another. So far as the teacher was concerned, when she told OP that she didn't bother with collecting points, that was the end of it: she didn't want the points, she had no card with which to collect them, and the points did not belong to her. Equally they did not belong to the other parents if none of them asserted any claim and handed over their cards to OP to collect on their behalf. if OP didn't collect them the restaurant would keep them - they wouldn't go to either the teacher or the other parents. The restaurant obviously wouldn't be stealing them in that event.

So at the point when OP collected the food only two things could happen: the points would in effect be left with the restaurant and forgotten about, or OP could take the restaurant up on its offer of points. The points didn't suddenly become the teacher's at that stage, because it was still the case that the teacher had no card. The teacher doesn't even know if the restaurant would have given her the points retrospectively - they probably would if she had had a card and simply left it behind, but not if she only applies for the card after the event.

@Grammarnut if you think you can base a theft case on a claim that you suddenly want something that you had no entitlement to two hours ago but that you think you might become entitled to now, by all means run it past a lawyer or two. We'd all be interested in the response.

@Grammarnut Personally, I'd cringe to be in YOUR position for talking rubbish.

Wow!

So she expects you to use your time and car to collect food, and then screams abuse at you publicly?

Nope.

I would be reporting her to the facility she uses and find out if she's even licensed. Is she DBS checked? Insured? That is so unprofessional of her and a huge red flag.

I would be demanding a public apology. I also would never send my child again.

So what, you used points as she said she didn't bother with schemes like it. Why was it on you to explain how it worked? You had a task assigned, you fulfilled it.

Personally I would have stood up for myself at the time, how dare she be so rude!

Fantastic response. Calm measured and reasonable.

OP - "Hi Dance Teacher, can I have these points that don't belong to you? And use my time, car and petrol to go and get them?"

DT - "Yes, sure"....

DT - "HOW DARE YOU TAKE SOMETHINGTHING THAT YOU ASKED ABOUT AND DOESN'T EVEN BELONG TO MEEEEEE, AND THAT YOU ARE OUT OF POCKET GETTING!!! YOU THIEF!"

What a nutter she sounds

Great your daughter is potentially on board with a move and you have been able to frame it so positively. My DD loves her contemporary classes so it sounds like a great solution.

Indeed!

Sackcloth, ashes . . . a little bell to warn people that she is approaching . . .

SHUN HER!!!!!

Firstly, her reaction was way OTT, and so mean to embarrass you like that, she doesn't sound like a kind & thoughtful person.

Second, I'd have collected them in this situation too as what's the point in them going to waste.

Third, even though you did Che k with her & she didn't want them. If we are being totally technical, neither of you were truly entitled to all of them anyway, since I'm assuming each parent paid for theor child's meal, it's each child's parent who is technically entitled to the points, not only the person who they transferred their money to who paid the bill.

So don't worry about it, she sounds horrible, she owes you an apology for her behaviour.

I would give it a week, of youve nit heard from her I'd reach out and say something like, 'it's a shame the situation became unpleasant for you both, you did check with her first & as she refused you wanted to make use of them, you would have preferred her to express her feelings of dissapointment in private & more professionally or a bit kinder/more imderstanding, but youre willing to move past it and of course won't let such a silly situation impact your daughters experience with the dance group".

if your daughter enjoys the classes please keep taking her- she shouldn’t have to miss out due to a few loyalty points. The owner was out of order- you asked and she said she didn’t collect them. Perhaps in hindsight you maybe could have asked if you can have them, but that in no way excuses her behaviour, especially to a volunteer! Generally, one should raise issues with others in private in order to not cause embarrassment and a scene. Talk to the owner, explain your reasoning and perhaps as a gesture ask the restaurant if you can transfer the points? X

They don’t belong to the owner, they never did. She had no more ownership of them than anyone else. Each parent who bought a meal was, technically, entitled to their share of the points but they would have to collect them in person.

The initial mistake I think OP is you assuming the points were the owner’s. In hindsight it would have been better to make a public announcement of anyone wishing to redeem their points will need to go with you to collect the food.

If I don't have a loyalty card for somewhere, I always offer the points to the person in front or behind me. In the queue. The parents paid for the meals so went should the owner two the benefits? Your not telling me she didn't profit from the get together or profit from your custom? If she had put on a free event then sure, you would have been unreasonable but a $4 kids meal was easily covered by your $15 fee

I'd tell her to consider the points payment for you doing the running around to collect for her to be honest! Had I been her, I'd have had token gift at the ready/offered to feed you as thanks, however, seems she wanted the help and then be awkward and rude.

She should have asked the dance person if it was okay to collect the points

But why? Why is it for the dance teacher to decide whether or not OP is allowed to claim the points?
The dance teacher wasn’t the one who paid for the meals.

Hang on, so YOU PAID for your child’s meal
regardless as did the other parents so if she had a card anyway would that make her a thief as well because it wasn’t her money spent to start with!! Tell her to get lost, you did nothing wrong here, if any apologies are being dished out it should be her apologising to you for the unjustified childish outburst, sounds like a bit of a whopper to me, enjoy the rewards you get ha!!

Any word, OP?

I hope you find a more sensible place for your daughter to dance if she doesn't come to her senses and offer up a sincere and effusive apology for her poor behaviour.

Probably if you had not even mentioned the points to the owner and just quietly collected them, this would not have happened.
You did better than that by asking the owner.
I'd go for the petty route. If you earned enough from the transaction to get a cheeseburger, then suggest buying a cheeseburger and split it 18 ways among the parents. Perhaps the dance teacher could oversee the splitting to make sure it is all fair.

There is no way I could trust this woman to have my daughter in her care after this. If this is the way she's speak to an adult in public how on earth must she speak to the children when there's no one else around to hear it?! Massive red flag for me I'm afraid, keep your kid away from that!!

Sorry for the boring update but still no reply… not sure I’ll get one until after Christmas now (if at all!)

Will you still send your daughter to the class? (Sorry if I have missed this).