Page 22 | To think I don’t deserve to be called greedy and a thief for this?

Lolabear38 · 2023-12-21T03:25:34+00:00

My daughter attends a dance class and has done for over 2 years. She loves it and to date we’ve had no problems or issues. It’s a small set up - one lady who owns it and runs the classes. She held a Christmas party this year, we all paid $15 for our kids to attend which included a meal deal from a fast food restaurant. The restaurant has a loyalty scheme where you collect points for every order and then get money off future orders. I volunteered to help at the party and was asked to go and collect the food - no problem. As I was leaving I asked the owner of the dance school if she had an account with the restaurant to collect loyalty points and she said, and I quote - ‘No I don’t have one. I never bother with those things.’ When I picked up the food I scanned my own rewards barcode - in retrospect maybe a bit cheeky but I figured as I’d asked already and the owner didn’t have an account, I may as well collect the points myself. I got back to the party and while I was out the owner had been talking to one of the other mums about the rewards scheme and she decided she did in fact want to be part of it. She asked me for the receipt so she could collect the points later on and I said sorry, I’d actually collected them myself. She immediately got really angry with me, asked how dare I take them from her, she couldn’t believe how greedy I’d been and I was basically a thief! She also told me I should be ashamed of myself. Apparently she didn’t understand how the rewards scheme works and didn’t realise it could her her money off in future and I should have explained this to her?! This was all said in front of a few other parents who were at the party too. I was so taken aback - I think mainly because it was so public - I quickly collected my daughter and left. Now I’m home I’m mortified to have been so publicly shamed for something I didn’t think would be such a big deal. I also don’t know if I feel comfortable taking my daughter back to the classes after being spoken to like that. I feel like I should message the owner and apologise for taking the points and explain why I didn’t think it would matter - as far as I thought at the time she didn’t want them and it was a ‘waste not, want not’ situation. But at the same time I think her reaction was really inappropriate (in front of so many other people) and also she had clearly said she didn’t even have an account anyway? I’d really appreciate some other perspectives before I send any messages! Thank you

Grimpo · 23/12/2023 09:38

Grammarnut · 22/12/2023 22:27

I'd expect my change, yes. Why would I not? It might be five pounds, not 5p. But that is not the point and I notice that this has been constantly missed. The OP acted dishonestly by taking points that were not hers. Someone has suggested her mistake was to say she'd taken them rather than saying that since the teacher did not have a points account they could not be claimed later (she possibly did not know this, though if she has a Nectar card, she ought to for you can have your receipt validated and claim later IF you have a nectar card - you can't collect ones you didn't claim because you did not have an account once you have an account). Saying that the points couldn't be retrospectively collected by a new point collector on an old receipt is also dishonest since she had claimed the points. Does no-one think lying is wrong any more?

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Who do you allege was lying?

Saying that the points couldn't be retrospectively collected by a new point collector on an old receipt is also dishonest since she had claimed the points.

How is that dishonest if it is a fact? If the dance teacher couldn't claim the points retrospectively, then she never at any point had any right to them. So who do you allege OP "stole" them from?

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 23/12/2023 10:38

@Grammarnut at no point did OP lie.

EarthlyNightshade · 23/12/2023 10:39

Grammarnut · 22/12/2023 22:27

I'd expect my change, yes. Why would I not? It might be five pounds, not 5p. But that is not the point and I notice that this has been constantly missed. The OP acted dishonestly by taking points that were not hers. Someone has suggested her mistake was to say she'd taken them rather than saying that since the teacher did not have a points account they could not be claimed later (she possibly did not know this, though if she has a Nectar card, she ought to for you can have your receipt validated and claim later IF you have a nectar card - you can't collect ones you didn't claim because you did not have an account once you have an account). Saying that the points couldn't be retrospectively collected by a new point collector on an old receipt is also dishonest since she had claimed the points. Does no-one think lying is wrong any more?

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Sorry, who lied?

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 23/12/2023 10:53

Grammarnut · 22/12/2023 22:27

I'd expect my change, yes. Why would I not? It might be five pounds, not 5p. But that is not the point and I notice that this has been constantly missed. The OP acted dishonestly by taking points that were not hers. Someone has suggested her mistake was to say she'd taken them rather than saying that since the teacher did not have a points account they could not be claimed later (she possibly did not know this, though if she has a Nectar card, she ought to for you can have your receipt validated and claim later IF you have a nectar card - you can't collect ones you didn't claim because you did not have an account once you have an account). Saying that the points couldn't be retrospectively collected by a new point collector on an old receipt is also dishonest since she had claimed the points. Does no-one think lying is wrong any more?

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I said 5p not £5.

If someone picked me a sandwich up for £2.95 and I gave them £3 I wouldn't want the change.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2023 11:03

Grammarnut · 22/12/2023 22:27

I'd expect my change, yes. Why would I not? It might be five pounds, not 5p. But that is not the point and I notice that this has been constantly missed. The OP acted dishonestly by taking points that were not hers. Someone has suggested her mistake was to say she'd taken them rather than saying that since the teacher did not have a points account they could not be claimed later (she possibly did not know this, though if she has a Nectar card, she ought to for you can have your receipt validated and claim later IF you have a nectar card - you can't collect ones you didn't claim because you did not have an account once you have an account). Saying that the points couldn't be retrospectively collected by a new point collector on an old receipt is also dishonest since she had claimed the points. Does no-one think lying is wrong any more?

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Nobody is "lying", nobody is "stealing".

OP collected and paid for the food.

She paid for it with money given to her by umpteen other people. but SHE paid for it. SHE was the customer at the point of sale.

As others have pointed out, and as you seem unable to grasp, if anyone was entitled to any of the points it would have been the parents who paid for the food.

You mention Sainsbury's Nectar scheme. In this the customer receives 1 point /£ spent.

So say there were 10 meals @ £15 (it was dollars, but we're just using an example) there is £150 = 150 points. Each point is worth 0.5p. * *

The OP would have clicked the life-changing sum of 75pence! 😍

Invest it wisely, OP

It could have cost this much in petrol to collect it.

Take your virtue-signalling misery somewhere else.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2023 11:05

BoredofBlonde · 22/12/2023 23:23

@Grammarnut the only person's whose purchase it definitely WASN'T, was the dance teacher's. If you we are splitting hairs, it was the purchase of all the other parents as it was food they had paid for for their kids.

So do you think the OP should have gone round each parent to check if they minded her taking the points for their kid's food?

Or offered them their 1.5p back?

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/12/2023 11:08

Swishswish26 · 23/12/2023 00:34

@Grammarnut is definitely the dance teacher! Op you have literally hundreds of supportive comments, you have done nothing wrong. The dance teacher is unhinged!

I think you're right - there can't be two of them about roaming free without a strait-jacket.

BestBeforeddmmyy · 23/12/2023 12:18

That woman was being totally out of order. You asked first. She went back on her word. Keep your daughter in the school but steer clear of the owner for a while. It will all calm down I reckon.

PotatoLove · 23/12/2023 13:20

Regardless of if you were wrong to collect the points the teacher handled it very badly.

Bearcheek · 23/12/2023 13:53

You did nothing wrong in my opinion!

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 23/12/2023 15:29

Grammarnut · 22/12/2023 22:33

It's not like picking up discarded coupons in the street. She did not ask permission to take the points on what was someone else's purchase. That's the point. Lying and taking something by deception are immoral. That's it.

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@Grammarnut when did I lie?

To answer a previous question of yours, I think lying is wrong. But I don’t believe I did lie?

OP posts:

Drfosters · 23/12/2023 16:26

you didn’t lie. There was nothing to lie about. There were points on offer. You suggested to the owner she should take them, she refused so you did. If anything it was implied you would take them as they were going to waste. Some of those points were yours by right anyway for your portion of the funds.
if anything the owner of the business was running a commercial party which she charged the parents for. Those parents therefore should have been paid for their time supervising. It isn’t a school event nor a charity.

threatmatrix · 23/12/2023 16:26

Why shouldn’t you have collected the points, you used your time and petrol to collect the order. I can’t believe people are saying you are in the wrong. Don’t not go back as your daughter enjoys it. You’ve done nothing wrong.

christmascalypso · 23/12/2023 17:00

@Grammarnut Do you have trouble understanding inference and implied meaning? If someone asked me if I collected the loyalty points and I said no, I would assume they would collect them themselves hence the reason why they asked me.

If I buy something for a friend at Tesco, I use my club card. I'm doing them the favour so get the points. Unless my friend had specifically asked me to use her club card. The op was doing the favour by collecting the food so quite naturally would collect the points. If not collected at time of paying for the food, they would have gone to waste. The teacher had no right to the points at all!

YANBU op - unbelievable responses from some people. And the teacher acted completely unprofessionally. I'd report her if I could.

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 24/12/2023 03:45

I got a reply.

’Dear Lolabear,

Thanks for your message. Sorry you thought I was out of order. I was really surprised you did what you did but I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree, it’s not like either of us can take it back.

Have a great Christmas and see you when class starts back in January.

(Dance Teacher).’

So no apology (‘sorry you thought I was out of order’). She clearly doesn’t think she did anything wrong and neither do I think I did. I’m really not comfortable going back there after all this I don’t think. My daughter seems happy enough with the idea of trying another dance school (sold on the promise of trying new dance styles) so I think it’s the end of the line for us at this particular school. I’ll reply after Christmas as I don’t think I want to give this any more of my time until next week! Thanks everyone for your replies, whichever view you took x

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/12/2023 05:05

Ugh, non apology and assuming you'll forget her atrocious behaviour.

If she was genuinely suddenly aware of the points and wanted them, the sensible, professional thing to do would be to speak to you privately and then let it go once she realised it was too late and should have been dealt with earlier.

Selenitetower · 24/12/2023 05:23

Lolabear38 · 24/12/2023 03:45

I got a reply.

’Dear Lolabear,

Thanks for your message. Sorry you thought I was out of order. I was really surprised you did what you did but I suppose we’ll just have to agree to disagree, it’s not like either of us can take it back.

Have a great Christmas and see you when class starts back in January.

(Dance Teacher).’

So no apology (‘sorry you thought I was out of order’). She clearly doesn’t think she did anything wrong and neither do I think I did. I’m really not comfortable going back there after all this I don’t think. My daughter seems happy enough with the idea of trying another dance school (sold on the promise of trying new dance styles) so I think it’s the end of the line for us at this particular school. I’ll reply after Christmas as I don’t think I want to give this any more of my time until next week! Thanks everyone for your replies, whichever view you took x

I was really surprised by what you did? What? Offer for her to collect the points be told no I don’t use those loyalty schemes with shops and then berate you for claiming them yourself. She sounds like an absolute cow. Hopefully your DD enjoys her new school and learning the new styles!!

Gonkers · 24/12/2023 06:33

“Dear teacher,

Given the tone of your response, your extreme emotional reaction to my collecting some meal points that you had said you didn’t want and that weren’t even paid for by you, I think it’s best I remove daughter’s name from the school. I’m uncomfortable with her being under your care.

The numerous messages of support I’ve received who witnessed your outburst on the day have confirmed my feeling your reaction was excessive. I hope you are able to reflect privately, even if you are unable to do so to me.

Thanks.”

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 24/12/2023 06:39

Gonkers · 24/12/2023 06:33

“Dear teacher,

Given the tone of your response, your extreme emotional reaction to my collecting some meal points that you had said you didn’t want and that weren’t even paid for by you, I think it’s best I remove daughter’s name from the school. I’m uncomfortable with her being under your care.

The numerous messages of support I’ve received who witnessed your outburst on the day have confirmed my feeling your reaction was excessive. I hope you are able to reflect privately, even if you are unable to do so to me.

Thanks.”

I like this reply! I think the second paragraph in particular I may actually use, if that’s ok?!

OP posts:

Gonkers · 24/12/2023 06:40

Oh, I’d actually I’d add in:

“We can agree to disagree on whether it was okay for me to have collected the points. However, there can be no disagreement that your reaction was entirely inappropriate. You should have spoken to me privately, not screamed at me publicly. That was incredibly unprofessional.”

Gonkers · 24/12/2023 06:42

Lolabear38 · 24/12/2023 06:39

I like this reply! I think the second paragraph in particular I may actually use, if that’s ok?!

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Of course! I honestly cannot believe her reaction. And sorry - cross posted and added another paragraph. I’m so irritated on your behalf!!

Original poster

Lolabear38 · 24/12/2023 06:43

Actually, I like the addition too! Thank you x

OP posts:

Eebee96 · 24/12/2023 07:03

its Their loss girl. Put this mess behind you now, hold your head high
you’ve done nothing wrong

MeMySonAnd1 · 24/12/2023 07:09

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/12/2023 16:14

That's what I think.

She sounds petty enough to make the child's life a misery out of spite because the mother has "challenged" her.

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I have to agree with this too. My ballet teacher was bad with parents… and fucking awful with us children when parents were not there: she fat shamed young girls that were not skinny, punished the distracted ones and if you got something wrong, she had no qualms in hitting you with whatever she had on hand!

We hated the classes so much we even asked my mother to stop them as a Christmas gift. My mother thought she wasn’t that bad and that we were making a fuss and kept us going for years…

greyshelving · 24/12/2023 07:34

But surely if all the parents each paid £15 for their kids, the points don't belong to the owner of the dance class either? If she wants to get really petty about it, each parent is probably owed about 20p in vouchers.