Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing?

[kyletile]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to my work, and when I have my children. She has said that I am 'emotionally closed off' and don't arrange dates often. I would agree with her on this but it is who I am and at 5 months in it's how I feel comfortable at the moment. This morning I woke up to this text and haven't yet responded as to be honest, I'm not really sure what she wants from it. Is it a break up text? Is it an ultimatum? Anyone any idea?

'Hey, I’m been having a think and I feel you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. This has been playing on my mind quite a bit and I don’t feel emotionally you can give me what I need at the moment due to this. I feel I have been making a lot of effort, trying to arrange to see you, expressing my feelings, trying to have open conversations with you and I am being met with a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of interest and an overall aloofness that leaves me feeling discontented.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to pull back and live my life. I will leave the door open, however, I’m no longer interested in texting everyday or expending my energy, if we’re not moving forward in some way. Ie, you arranging dates frequently and for a change/getting to know me on a deeper level. You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

I’m not sure if this is how you are in general, or if it’s just with me. As much as I hope you can work through your emotional blocks and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I’m not asking you to apologise or change yourself. However, should this be a temporary state of mind then as I’ve said, I’ve left the door open for now if you wish to reach out. If not, then I wish you the best.'

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it. She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait.

I'd dump you just for sending the dick pics.

honestly, bleugh! That’s grim.

Women tolerate dick pics @kyletile they don't usually really want them.

Try and remember for next time.

🤮

She’s dumping you. Gently and considerately but very definitely. The fat lady’s sung.

One of my friends said to me once when I was involved with a few tossers, that when you find the right person it is natural and flows. There is no wondering or worrying because you’re both on the same page. Also that if someone wants to do something they will!

So this just seems to me it’s half arsed.

I'm not sure what she wants from me

REALLY? its pretty damn obvious- she wants more than a few photos of your dick. HTH.

she's not needy. she's emotionally aware and knows what she wants.

only mistake is having to spell it out to him..

I agree. If I was dating and received this, I would end the relationship.

This guys got a thirteen years olds maturity level, possibly twelve year olds.

Sorry to be so blunt.

I think the message is pretty crystal clear? It's really not a cryptic message is it?
She's dumping you as she wants more than sexting and dick pics and she doesn't think you are emotionally unavailable and disinterested in her.

She wants more emotionally, you don't seem to want to give it.

I think it's over.

This cracked me up 🤣🤣

Well, she won't have to pretend to want the dick pics anymore.

You shouldn't be putting people's private conversations on the internet OP. I'd request the thread be deleted and just move on, she wants a type of relationship you aren't offering and aren't able to offer so it's for the best to part ways rather than flog at it.

Ouch, that’s nasty. OP you’re better off without this one.

oh dear, that’ll teach me to RTFT before commenting.

You're playing her, just giving her 'enough' but ultimately you aren't keen enough on having a steady relationship with her otherwise you wouldn't be starting a thread on Mumsnet, you'd be round there wanting to sort it out and not risk her finding someone else.

ive known people like you and have done what she's done, except I didn't leave the door open I said thanks, I'm outa here. Thank goodness I did!

She sounds quite needy and full on to me, especially when you have kids and not much spare time. It's an incredibly long text, and there's a mismatch there - texts are how you break up with someone you aren't into, yet she obviously cares (too much) to be sending something so long and emotional.

Some people are insecure, some people are like it because nothing will ever be good enough for them and once you resolve this there will be something else she has a problem with.

I agree it sounds like you're incompatible.

I re read the text, she really went to great lengths to spell it out to you.

Have you ever felt really close to somebody @kyletile ?
Just thinking, what feels like disconnection to a person with a secure attachment style could feel intimate to you??

"Sugarsun · Today 16:37

You’re just incompatible.

It sounds like she’s someone who needs a lot of attention and reassurance"

Really?

Sugarsun, are you male? Because if you are female then you have been super brainwashed by men like OP and I think you would be an absolutely perfect fit for the OP Kyletile.

He wants a woman who will have sex with him entirely on his terms and with that incredibly low lever of investment in the relationship - and you consider not agreeing to do that (or being able to do that) would be "needing a lot of attention and reassurance".

Same old, same old.

I think you might be happier finding a fwb situation.

Nobody said that it's a particularly smart thing to do. But it's only disgusting if it's unwanted, which it doesn't seem to have been. So it's unfair for people to judge the OP for being "gross" for sending dick pics. It's two separate issues.

It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with

I'd say she's made a wise choice.

I’m pretty sure this is a REVERSE! Would the kind of man who warrants such a text, and is emotionally distant and too busy with work and kids and also sends dick pics in lieu of emotional connection REALLY be a member of Mumsnet and expectantly trawling our replies for nuggets of feminine wisdom?!?

Nope. I reckon this is the author of the text, reversing us, and hoping to get lots of admiration for her assertiveness and a pile on for her ex-boyfriend.

Mission accomplished! Chapeau. Well played OP…👏

She’s saying she’s tapping out while still holding hope you might change. Personally I think you should end things finally though as you can’t offer her what she wants and it’s cruel to let her hang on to the hope. If you really wanted her in the same way she wants you you’d step up and that hasn’t happened.

I think the bottom line is that you're just not that interested in being in a relationship with her, and she's wise enough to realise it.

Send her a picture of your knob with a sad face on a post it.
😞

She wants you yo be more demonstrative than you are. I think you are not compatible perhaps let it drift and find someone else.