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Original poster

Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing?

347 replies

kyletile · 20/12/2023 15:45

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to my work, and when I have my children. She has said that I am 'emotionally closed off' and don't arrange dates often. I would agree with her on this but it is who I am and at 5 months in it's how I feel comfortable at the moment. This morning I woke up to this text and haven't yet responded as to be honest, I'm not really sure what she wants from it. Is it a break up text? Is it an ultimatum? Anyone any idea?

'Hey, I’m been having a think and I feel you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. This has been playing on my mind quite a bit and I don’t feel emotionally you can give me what I need at the moment due to this. I feel I have been making a lot of effort, trying to arrange to see you, expressing my feelings, trying to have open conversations with you and I am being met with a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of interest and an overall aloofness that leaves me feeling discontented.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to pull back and live my life. I will leave the door open, however, I’m no longer interested in texting everyday or expending my energy, if we’re not moving forward in some way. Ie, you arranging dates frequently and for a change/getting to know me on a deeper level. You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

I’m not sure if this is how you are in general, or if it’s just with me. As much as I hope you can work through your emotional blocks and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I’m not asking you to apologise or change yourself. However, should this be a temporary state of mind then as I’ve said, I’ve left the door open for now if you wish to reach out. If not, then I wish you the best.'

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it. She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait.

OP posts:
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5
FlamingoQueen · 20/12/2023 16:18

Sounds like it’s a romantic overload and she can’t deal with it 🤣

RudsyFarmer · 20/12/2023 16:18

It’s interesting that you can’t figure the text out when it’s as plain as day. She’s not happy. You are red flag bunting and she’s going to start dating again in the hope that she’ll meet someone who will give her what she wants. I think she’s being extremely charitable to leave the door open to you.

Do her a huge favour and leave her alone. Raise your children and focus on your work.

AuntMarch · 20/12/2023 16:19

kyletile · 20/12/2023 15:54

We're grown adults in a sexual relationship so...yes. They are reciprocal.

Show quote history

We were*

ChanelNo19EDT · 20/12/2023 16:19

Yeh that'd be a huge turn off, a dic pic from a man too passive to arrange a date.

I hope she finds somebody less avoidant, internet is riddled with men who prefer to sext than to meet up.

Fingeronthebutton · 20/12/2023 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ManateeFair · 20/12/2023 16:20

She's dumping you.

You are totally incompatible. Move on. You are not making her happy and you feel that this is 'who you are' so clearly you are not going to change.

CatMadam · 20/12/2023 16:20

notmorezoom · 20/12/2023 16:01

Vomit. How revolting

Show quote history

I don’t get this at all, I think sending pictures is quite sexy if both parties are into it.

plantpotsandbugs · 20/12/2023 16:20

You've had this text all day and saw no urgency to reply. That speaks volumes, on top of what you've already said.

You're just not into her.

And that's fine.

But the fact that she says she's leaving the door open, even after all this unhappiness, suggests she is very into you.

Dont leave her hanging. It wouldn't be fair. Just (kindly) put an end to it and let her move on.

Cerealkiller4U · 20/12/2023 16:21

Yeah. I’m way too old for dick pics in my life.

I must say I don’t know of any women who loved to receive them. Is there anyone on this thread for example?£? I will take back my words. I mean there’s only really two photos of it in different states before that’s it….

irs like a one angle passport photo. Does it turn you on?

😂

blackbeardsballsack · 20/12/2023 16:21

If you just want to send pictures of your dick to her now and again and meet up for sex now and again, why not just say that to her? Why the faux confusion and deliberate lack of understanding about what she could possibly want when she has spelled this out clearly? Stop stringing her along.

EffortlesslyInelegant · 20/12/2023 16:21

We're grown adults in a sexual relationship so...yes. They are reciprocal.

She's got a dick as well? Dude...

henrysugar12 · 20/12/2023 16:22

Yes it is both an ultimatum and breakup text. It's saying you to put more effort in, but if you don't want to let's call it quits.

So it sounds as though currently it's just a sexual relationship to you, and she wants it to be a full relationship. Are you exclusively seeing her?

LonesomeTonite · 20/12/2023 16:24

I don’t get this at all, I think sending pictures is quite sexy if both parties are into it.

So when a relationship ends with a person who has pictures of your intimate bits, perhaps doing very intimate things to yourself, you wouldn’t think “OMFG, that man who I now dislike/hate/no longer want to see, has pictures of my fango”.

I tell my DC to NEVER send sexy pictures of themselves to anyone. Why wouldn’t I take my own advice?

NotWastingAnymoreTime · 20/12/2023 16:25

I find it utterly ridiculous that you don't understand what she is asking for. She has spelt it out very clearly. There is no need to second guess.

Your girlfriend is an emotionally aware and mature adult and understands that actions speak louder than words.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say please do not do what she is asking you to. You obviously don't really want to, so you will just end up stringing her along before lapsing into your old ways but by then she will be more emotionally invested and may find it harder to pull away like she has now.

TisTheDarnSeason · 20/12/2023 16:25

You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

Yeah, it's a mystery OP.

TheSpruce · 20/12/2023 16:25

It doesn't sound like you have the time or room in your life for a serious relationship and this is what she is asking for. So she is not the one for you. Clearly best option would be to find someone who is happy with a more casual arrangement.

KnittedPond · 20/12/2023 16:26

I don’t see what you’re confused about. That is an extremely, even admirably clear text.

If it’s meaning is obscure to you, do you have the emotional IQ of a matchbox?

Workway · 20/12/2023 16:26

Would you be devastated and heartbroken if this is over?

If not, then you aren't into her. Let her go.

StephanieSuperpowers · 20/12/2023 16:26

Cerealkiller4U · 20/12/2023 16:21

Yeah. I’m way too old for dick pics in my life.

I must say I don’t know of any women who loved to receive them. Is there anyone on this thread for example?£? I will take back my words. I mean there’s only really two photos of it in different states before that’s it….

irs like a one angle passport photo. Does it turn you on?

😂

I'm from way back before they were a thing, but I just don't see the attraction. I also don't want photos of ears, necks, feet or any other body part pls tnx.

ManateeFair · 20/12/2023 16:27

I am 'into her' and I don't know how many other ways I can say that to her

It doesn't matter how 'into her' you are if you are closed off from her emotionally, only relate to her through the medium of dick pics and complain that she's less sexual than she used to be. You're making her feel like shit.

You. Do. Not. Make. Her. Happy.

However 'into her' you are, it doesn't matter, because she needs more than you just being 'into her' and you can't give her that, ever. So accept that you've been dumped and leave this poor woman alone. You are astonishingly obtuse. I can't believe she's stuck this out for five months.

ThankYouVeryMuchGerry · 20/12/2023 16:28

So you want the sex and for her to put her life on hold for you, but you don't want to give her more than tossing a few crumbs at her when you want a shag?

The text is very clear OP - she's dumping you but she's being nice about it in case you are having a rough time. She's even "leaving the door open" as a nice way of letting you down.

For her own sake I hope she realises she is worth so much more than you and what you are willing to give her and closes that door tight.

And dick pics - what are you 15!?!

TallulahBetty · 20/12/2023 16:28

notmorezoom · 20/12/2023 16:01

Vomit. How revolting

Show quote history

Judgy McJudgypants

KnittedPond · 20/12/2023 16:28

Cerealkiller4U · 20/12/2023 16:21

Yeah. I’m way too old for dick pics in my life.

I must say I don’t know of any women who loved to receive them. Is there anyone on this thread for example?£? I will take back my words. I mean there’s only really two photos of it in different states before that’s it….

irs like a one angle passport photo. Does it turn you on?

😂

Maybe the OP dresses his up, with little hats and bow ties, to ring the changes?

knittedbonnet · 20/12/2023 16:28

Your way of being into her doesn't satisfy her emotionally

Caerulea · 20/12/2023 16:29

I mean, surely the answer is more dick pics? Women love that shit! It's hard work seeing someone regularly & all that emotional connection & stuff but a dick pic is just such a great substitution.

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