Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing?

[kyletile]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to my work, and when I have my children. She has said that I am 'emotionally closed off' and don't arrange dates often. I would agree with her on this but it is who I am and at 5 months in it's how I feel comfortable at the moment. This morning I woke up to this text and haven't yet responded as to be honest, I'm not really sure what she wants from it. Is it a break up text? Is it an ultimatum? Anyone any idea?

'Hey, I’m been having a think and I feel you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. This has been playing on my mind quite a bit and I don’t feel emotionally you can give me what I need at the moment due to this. I feel I have been making a lot of effort, trying to arrange to see you, expressing my feelings, trying to have open conversations with you and I am being met with a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of interest and an overall aloofness that leaves me feeling discontented.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to pull back and live my life. I will leave the door open, however, I’m no longer interested in texting everyday or expending my energy, if we’re not moving forward in some way. Ie, you arranging dates frequently and for a change/getting to know me on a deeper level. You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

I’m not sure if this is how you are in general, or if it’s just with me. As much as I hope you can work through your emotional blocks and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I’m not asking you to apologise or change yourself. However, should this be a temporary state of mind then as I’ve said, I’ve left the door open for now if you wish to reach out. If not, then I wish you the best.'

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it. She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait.

If this is real,and not just a little Mumsnet social experiment I'd say the OP has had a lucky escape. The text is too much for me. It's bossy and insulting. Who,is she to tell the OP how he has to behave. If he doesn't want to text every day and open up then that's up to him. If the woman doesn't like that then that's up to her. They just want different things. As long as the OP is being honest then he hasn't done anything wrong. It only a 5 month relationship.

OP I'd reply with a short message worded to minimise any further drama. I'd probably just agree with her and wish her well.

"Ok, thanks for the message. You are probably right I am a bit preoccupied with things what with work and the kids. I guess we are not looking for the same thing at the moment. Sorry it hasn't worked out. By the way, I promise that I have deleted all the photos I have and I'd be grateful if you could do the same. Hope you have a good Xmas"

It is very simple difference between men and women thing. It means she wants to move forward to marriage and babies and he wants to go very slowly. She doesn't want to go slowly so she is politely ending it. It's fine - it is as it is.

You have to be another bot/troll - no women want your dick pics.

Certainly not someone who you are trying to be in a relationship with.

She's said it's toxic.

I am 50 and have seen all sorts in my time.

The only people interested in dick pics are the men sending them IMO.

Rest assured she has probably shown them to every other woman in her office / friendship circle. And they have all told her that she deserves better than a dick with a dick pic.

What actually is the fuck wrong with men who think this is alluring?

Public Service announcement, OP. Listen to women when they tell you stuff. Like the woman you have been dating who has made her feelings clear. It's not fucking rocket science. It's plain English.

Does anyone actually enjoy receiving a dick pic?

Genuinely interested to know 🤔

OK... confession. I don't like how emotionally unavailable he is but whispers in a proper relationship I don't mind a dick pick. I just don't! 🤷‍♀️

I’d like to say that I like this woman. It’s a magnificent text. It needs no unpicking. It’s crystal clear. The fact that you think it needs unpicking is a clear indication that she is right and you are emotionally not the man for her.

(1) Dick pics are the ultimate turn off for most women. I don't know a single one of my friends that is interested in receiving them.

(2) The one thing I've learnt as I've matured is that if a guy is really in to you then he wants to see you. You're just not in to her. If you really, properly liked her, you'd want to see her more.

(3) She's right to walk away as everybody deserves to be with someone who wants to be with them.

Mystery?

No idea why men think dick pics are so appealing. It’s not an attractive body part, I think it was Maureen Lipman who said the off putting thing about oral sex is the view.

Perhaps a pencil drawing of a dick could work for you?

Well, I think it’s only been 5 months and you have kids so of course you’re taking it a bit slower and being cautious. She sounds a bit full on to me to be sending that after 5 months. But it does seem like you have different attitudes to sex. You’re happy to have it without being truly emotionally connected whereas she needs that. Just sex without progression of other kinds of closeness makes her feel like she’s being used, even if you don’t intend that. She’s obviously really into you and worried you don’t feel the same so is trying to protect herself. You’ll need to find a way to make her feel that you are equally invested.

Why, though? I think I’d find it as weird and arbitrary as someone repeatedly sending me photos of their knee or forearm. As a pp said, it’s got two looks, or three at a push if you include semi-erect, unless you’re doing some Puppetry of the Penis stuff with it to keep it interesting.

(Or dressing it in little costumes…)

Otherwise, it’s kind of ‘Oh, there it is again.’

Hmm, cryptic 🤔

Stop wasting her time. If you were "into her" you would want to see her and would be keen to arrange the next meet up as soon as the last one ended, but you say you are "quite happy to wait".

She deserves someone who is excited to see her and can't wait to be in her company again, not someone who thinks sending a dick pic is making an effort!

Only if you use a magnifying glass & tweezers !!!

Yep, she's breaking up with you.

Does that clear it up now?

In short you need to up your game and at least meet her halfway. Your slow approach works for you but not for her. So do you expect her to just toddle along with things they way you want them? Even leaving her hanging for hours after she sends a text like this is a great example of not putting enough acceptable effort into things. Imagine how she must feel waiting (yet again) for you to respond. Even just a quick 'I've got your message, not ignoring you but giving what you have said some thought'. It's a very basic level of communication that takes such little effort.

I mean where have you even gone on this thread?? Hello OP you still there??

I suspect that if you don't understand that message, her main reason for leaving you is that you are actually not very bright.

I don’t think he was expecting to have his arse handed to him.

I've got that Toyah song in my head now.

🎵It's a mystery. Oh it's a mystery 🎵😂

Brilliant!

@KnittedPond (Or dressing it in little costumes…)

Now my mind is going places no mind should ever go........😳🍆👓👔🎩

Unpick what? It's very very clear.