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Original poster

My daughter knows that everything is fake

307 replies

Krismuss · 20/12/2023 09:48

I don’t know what has gone wrong here. My 3 year old daughter knows everything is fake. A few examples - I took her to see Santa - afterwards I asked if she enjoyed it and she said “yes, but it’s only pretend isn’t it?”
We went to Disneyland earlier this year and I said “wow look DD, a real princess castle!” And she said “silly mummy, it’s not real”. Same with the characters - she knew they were just people playing dress up.

Last week I took her to a party and “Elsa” was there. “Elsa” danced with her and when we got home I told DH that DD had been dancing with Elsa - DD said “not the real Elsa though, because it’s not real, only pretend”.

I said to her this morning “you best be good because Father Christmas is watching!” And she again said “it’s not real mummy”

she has no older siblings or relatives that would tell her this and she isn’t at school or nursery. Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake. Even at the Christmas market there were reindeers there and I said “I wonder which one is rudolf?” And she said “they’re just reindeers, none are rudolf”.

DH hasn’t told her anything is fake either, he’s as perplexed as I am. So not to drip feed she is on the waiting list for autism assessment, could this have something to do with it?

OP posts:
MammaPenny · 21/12/2023 21:39

I was just like this as a child! I’m not autistic (not diagnosed anyway, having an autistic child and having much more knowledge around the matter nowadays, do wonder) I still loved Christmas. Still do!

The only thing I believed in was the tooth fairy because I thought there was no way on earth my parents could get underneath my pillow to swap my tooth for a pound coin without waking me 😅

cowshindtail · 21/12/2023 22:34

There is a lot of Autism in our family and know that one brother asked our mum whether Santa was real when he was 5 and was quite happy to hear that it was just a nice story.Tbh I can't remember ever believing that he existed but it never stopped me enjoying Christmas.

FreshStart90 · 21/12/2023 23:34

I’m from a Sikh family and my parents were always very religious and never celebrated Christmas: so from a very young age I knew Santa wasnt real etc, and knew not to tell any of my friends. However to reassure you it really didn’t take away from the magic or Christmas at all for me. I still very much enjoyed Christmas activities whether at school or in the local area, thought Christmas lights were beautiful and still do, and Christmas is one of my favourite times of year, your little one is possibly just wise beyond her years and will be just fine.

MsCactus · 21/12/2023 23:43

I always knew this was all fake. It doesn't seem that abnormal to me, but she's probably quite bright!

Forgetandforgive1 · 22/12/2023 01:12

My kids were the same. They happily accepted santa gifts and tooth fairy money, but always said they know it's all coming from us , straight from childhood. Some kids are bright enough to understand the world around them even if we dont tell them. And OP let me tell you my boys are not autistic or with low IQ or EQ and attends grammar school. They question everything which is not logical to them.They read so many books, may be that's how they knew it all were fake. I don't know. But it really amazes me when people say their 9 year old 10 year old believe in this stuff. To be honest she sound like a bright child to me OP😊

Atsocta · 22/12/2023 01:50

Aww she Sounds she’s a smart little girl
i never really liked the lying and greed this so called Santa Claus brings with him, … then the rest of the year we expect children to know it’s wrong to tell lies ???

KnitFastDieWarm · 22/12/2023 01:53

I’m autistic and didn’t really ‘get’ playing pretend or ‘lying’ as a kid. Apparently when I was about four, an elderly man saw me in my princess dress and said ‘ooh, are you a princess?’ and i gave him a withering look and said ‘no, i’m a little girl dressed as a princess’ 😁

But this didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy dressing up, the idea of santa, magic, and celebrations etc. I just enjoyed it in a different way - sounds like your DD does too. She’s not distressed or missing out - she’s just enjoying things in her own way.

Ilovecleaning · 22/12/2023 04:34

Hi, OP. OMG there are some horrible responses on here! I keenly feel your stress! I have read some posts and thought what horrible mothers they might be: make your DD re-wrap her brother’s presents? Don’t give her anything on Christmas Day?
your DD is probably showing curiosity about Santa. Is he real/not real? If she tore off paper, simply rewrap in different paper if possible and don’t mention it again. Please don’t guilt trip her. My mother used to guilt trip me constantly and it damaged me.
I hope you and your children have a lovely Christmas. 🌺

Ilovecleaning · 22/12/2023 04:39

Atsocta · 22/12/2023 01:50

Aww she Sounds she’s a smart little girl
i never really liked the lying and greed this so called Santa Claus brings with him, … then the rest of the year we expect children to know it’s wrong to tell lies ???

I agree really. My son + partner ( and their friends with children) tell their DC’s who has bought them what so they can thank grandma, aunty etc. Father Christmas brings them treats in their stockings. I think it’s a nice compromise.

Ilovecleaning · 22/12/2023 04:42

FreshStart90 · 21/12/2023 23:34

I’m from a Sikh family and my parents were always very religious and never celebrated Christmas: so from a very young age I knew Santa wasnt real etc, and knew not to tell any of my friends. However to reassure you it really didn’t take away from the magic or Christmas at all for me. I still very much enjoyed Christmas activities whether at school or in the local area, thought Christmas lights were beautiful and still do, and Christmas is one of my favourite times of year, your little one is possibly just wise beyond her years and will be just fine.

DH is Jewish and was told by his mother when he was a small boy “Father Christmas doesn’t visit Jewish children “. I thought that was sad.

Ilovecleaning · 22/12/2023 04:47

Ilovecleaning · 22/12/2023 04:34

Hi, OP. OMG there are some horrible responses on here! I keenly feel your stress! I have read some posts and thought what horrible mothers they might be: make your DD re-wrap her brother’s presents? Don’t give her anything on Christmas Day?
your DD is probably showing curiosity about Santa. Is he real/not real? If she tore off paper, simply rewrap in different paper if possible and don’t mention it again. Please don’t guilt trip her. My mother used to guilt trip me constantly and it damaged me.
I hope you and your children have a lovely Christmas. 🌺

Oops! Sorry but I think I’ve answered the wrong thread! 🤪

Ukrainebaby23 · 22/12/2023 05:38

If its all fake, how come the car park fairy, you know the one you call when there isn't a visible space and she finds you one, is still working? Can't tell me that's fake too????

StoatofDisarray · 22/12/2023 07:09

I always knew it was fake! Do kids genuinely believe this then?

sashh · 22/12/2023 08:21

Some children are like this OP.

You are in for a treat as she gets older, I was like that and I still am, I often shout at the TV because they have put zips in Tudor costumes or something else incongruous.

I recently watched Bodies, There are police officers in the past, present and future investigating a murder, the same person is murdered at 4 different times - that I could cope with.

What I couldn't cope with was s cene during an air raid in WWII where one of the officers opens the flimsy curtains to look at someone standing under a street lamp.

That had me ranting about the blackout.

MrsTwatInAHat · 22/12/2023 08:33

If its all fake, how come the car park fairy, you know the one you call when there isn't a visible space and she finds you one, is still working? Can't tell me that's fake too????

Grin You are so right! I never believed in Santa, or god. But I still have my parking angel, and she’s brilliant at her job! I always thank her too.

StopStartStop · 22/12/2023 08:36

If its all fake, how come the car park fairy, you know the one you call when there isn't a visible space and she finds you one, is still working?

Ha! My mum always called on God to help her find a parking space.

Christingle123 · 22/12/2023 08:36

Att1cusPund · 20/12/2023 09:50

I don't know the reason, but having had to gently break the news about Santa and the tooth fairy to my devastated 11yo I'd say you're onto a good thing OP.

Noooo!

I'll never admit it. Those words will never come out of my mouth...my eldest is 18 and I bought him a top...he asked if he could try it on before the big day and I said "absolutely not, it's been sent to Father Christmas" 😆 He smirks, he absolutely loves it.

GHSP · 22/12/2023 08:37

My ds2 was like this as a young child. Nothing is wrong - it just turned out he’s very bright indeed and has a quite scientific way of looking at things. Your dd will be just fine.

itsmyp4rty · 22/12/2023 08:48

My ds with ASD didn't believe in FC when he was little - I think being autistic often means you have a very logical brain and nothing about FC makes any sense really!

Anygoodidea · 22/12/2023 09:02

DS was the same at about 3. Loudly came out as an atheist age 5 too! No autism, bright as a button, a curious interested science whizz.

We’ve just always had fun with it and not obsessed around Christmas magic with all our children. Even if DS doesn’t believe stuff he still loves the ritual and storytelling.

Coolhwip · 22/12/2023 09:20

Why doesn’t she believe in anything? :-( I feel like there is no point in doing the usual small child activities because she knows it’s all fake.

Why would you punish your small child for being precocious enough to know it’s all a load of lies? I think parents lying to their children for years and then breaking the news to their devastated children is seriously fucked up.

We never believed in Santa and had great a Christmas every year, you don’t need to lie to your child to make it ‘magical’ for them (magical is always the word that gets trotted out here, because Disney have made you believe it).

ZebraDanios · 22/12/2023 10:16

Some kids are bright enough to understand the world around them even if we dont tell them.

If you ask my nine-year-old how Santa gets round all the kids in one night, she’ll start talking about how time travel is technically possible if you travel at or close to the speed of light and that quantum mechanics allows you to be in several places at once. Some kids who do believe in Santa are bright too…

zingally · 22/12/2023 10:25

It just sounds like a fairly perceptive child working out how the world works. Does she enjoy imaginative play?

Maybe next time the "it's just pretend Mummy" comes up. Reply with a cheerful smile and say "Yes darling, and it's fun to pretend sometimes isn't it?"

greenbeansnspinach · 22/12/2023 11:33

She sounds like a wonderful child, with an unerring sense of what’s true and what’s not. It should stand her in good stead through life!

Jeclop · 22/12/2023 11:44

Having my son currently assessed for autism and he is also the same. One of the (possible) signs of autism is lack of role-play or make-believe play so if she is autistic it could be related to this.

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