To get annoyed that it's another year and I'm addressed as Mr & Mrs Chatnoir by MIL

[chatenoire]

I haven't even changed my name! I'm still Ms + Maiden name. I'd be more OK with Mr & Mrs his surname, but first name + surname just sounds so anachronistic to me.

I've actually made a point by every single time signing our cards the way it should be, but clearly to her it doesn't matter.

Is she generally rude? If not just let it go, it’s a bit of card just stick it in the recycling.

so she's calling you "Susan Smith " in stead of Susan your surname ?
I don't think you will change her she's obviously thinking in a traditional way is it really a huge deal do you like her otherwise it's probably not a hil to die on.

Do you get on generally? Is she doing it to needle you or is it a mistake? Have you asked her about it?

If we got on generally I don’t think I could really get that worked up about this, if she’s a PITA then still, don’t give her the satisfaction of letting her know she’s annoyed you. Just give it to your DH whilst commenting “your batshit mum has got my name wrong again” and move on with your life.

We somehow got MORE cards addressed to DH and the woman we refer to as The Secret Madwoman In The Attic this year. We've been married 15 years.

Some people are just arses and want to Make A Point that they think you've done it wrong, others are just a bit clueless and don't pay attention to things like the back of envelopes. I suspect your MIL is in the former camp.

I think you've got two options - either start addressing post to her using her maiden name and do a faux-innocent "I thought we were using the incorrect names for each other" response when she complains, or just roll your eyes at her pettiness.

I've chosen the latter path (though tbh have opted out of socialising further with one couple who are our age but whose strong views on tradition apparently are more important than my choices, and they let us know that was why they were using the wrong name). But I would applaud anyone who did option 1.

It's traditional. Shame we lose traditions really.

I live in a community of many generations of families have been on the same land and every house/ farm is referred to by the family name "The Berry's / Smiths/ Harpenshaws etc"

It would be so sad if there came a time when family identities were lost.

All traditions? Even the ones that were misogynistic, homophobic and/or racist?

She didn’t say all traditions. Bizarre response jumping straight to assuming the poster wants racist traditions to stay.

Are you familiar with the phrase 'pick your battles'? This is an absolutely prime example of when it applies.

She just wants misogynistic traditions to stay. That's ok then.

"Shame we lose traditions really" alongside suggesting tradition alone is a good reason to keep doing anything leaves it pretty open to being questioned - so I asked the question. Questions aren't assumptions. 😁

Mind you, the bit where it would be so sad if the family identities were lost - but not reflecting sadness on all the female family identities that have inevitably been lost due to sexist traditions - does make one reflect.

It absolutely ok that some people like this tradition yes. She’s hardly chaining women to the kitchen is she. Calm down.

I know, I loved that tradition of burning women suspected of being witches at the stake. Oh, for a simpler time of tradition!

choosing to have your husbands surname is very low down on the misogyny scale I know a lot of women keep their surname on marraige and its important to them but surely it works both ways ?

Drives me mad too. But people on here will say 'calm down dear'.

This thread is daft 😅 likening taking your husbands surname is now = burning women at the stake. Well it is mumsnet I guess

I rarely see her (I saw her for maybe 4 hours this year. She's generally a bit of a pain with names. She also misspells our son's name (but not the ones of her other grandchildren).

I don’t understand why it is difficult just to call someone by the name they want to be known as? I hate it when people call me a nickname of my name. It’s not my name.

26 years we've been married. 51 years I've been CMOT Myname, approx 38 years of those I've used Ms CMOT Myname. I have never, ever, ever been Mrs or Hisname. Ds is Myname-Hisname fwiw.
And still we get cards to Mr&Mrs HisName. We refer to this mystical woman as DHs fancy woman. Drives me nutty

I’d probably just let it slide then, though I agree it is annoying. Hopefully she doesn’t mean any harm by it.

Just the sexist ones, apparently

So you are annoyed she calls you both by your maiden name?
I am confused....the term maiden name is probably the most sexist thing about this situation.

I get keeping your name, but ultimately it just makes sense and is easier for people in any long term cohabiting relationship to have a single name for people to use.
Whether its "Jane & John" "benifer" "the swiss family robinson" or "Lord & lady"

I think you mean that you're being addressed by your husband's first name initial as well as his surname. I'm surprised that hasn't died out, but I would accept that it's old fashioned rather than a deliberate insult.
My mother persisted in addressing my birthday cards to husband's initial and surname, no matter how often I teased her about forgetting what name she'd given me!

I would return any mail to sender with MRS Chatnoir circled in red with “Nobody by this name at this address”. Tbf, my MIL does it to be spiteful.

if she is a pain then she's maybe doing it to antagonise you honestly it isn't worth your upset. as long as the important people use your correct name that's what matters surely?

I'm sorry my post made.you feel that I wasn't calm! I promise you I am perfectly calm. I had absolutely no suspicions that the PP was involved with chaining women to kitchens!