To get annoyed that it's another year and I'm addressed as Mr & Mrs Chatnoir by MIL

[chatenoire]

I haven't even changed my name! I'm still Ms + Maiden name. I'd be more OK with Mr & Mrs his surname, but first name + surname just sounds so anachronistic to me.

I've actually made a point by every single time signing our cards the way it should be, but clearly to her it doesn't matter.

Of course he’s allowed to pass it on…?

The point is, a surname can become a woman’s name, just as much as it once was a man’s name.

Honestly, the ingrained misogyny on this thread - from women - is a sight to behold.

What you're leaving out is the person addressing you as Mrs Hisname probably genuinely believes they are using your name and that they are being polite. Unless there is a big backstory, they are not doing it to offend, to push their outdated ideas on you or because they simply don't care enough to remember your name.

Or why not call the woman how she wants to be called?

MIL is being an old fashioned bitch. It's also for her son to sort this out with her. Since she's consistently misnaming both his wife and son he needs to explain that she needs to stop acting out.

However, this is not a hill to die on. You could enquire loudly about care homes for the confused.

@Maelil01 I was never called my dads first name and surname but I was my husbands so not really the same thing!

So then what’s wrong with it coming from a man if it’s a woman’s once she has it? Why’s it a horrible tradition that needs to die? It’s not ingrained misogyny at all. It’s just stating facts. Nothing wrong with people taking their name from the male or the female line.

People just love shouting misogyny on this thread. Name shouldn’t pass on from the man, horrible sexist tradition that’s been compared with women being burnt at the stake on this thread - but yet now ‘of course he can pass it on’.

So sexism is bad, but ageism is fine?

Did you even read the first post that I responded to…..?

My MIL has spelled DD2s name wrong now for >17yrs. I gave up and left them to it.

Yes

I hate this too.

It's 78% of the reason I did a PhD.

I've had my name for 35+ years, as has my husband. Why is my husband's name his name but my name is my father's name?

It's MY name. Mine.

If you want your family to have the same surname your husband could have taken your name instead of keeping his fathers...

Apologies, I made an assumption that you had the same name as your father.

I should add I’ve no problem with a man changing his name to his wife’s. I just feel there’s a lot more to feminism than a name and I enjoy our family unit having the same name.

Too unweildy and where does it end? When there are 16? 32? names tagged together!

It’s generational for sure. My mother is her 70’s does this. Mr & Mrs John Smith, whereas I’m 44 and will just address it to Mr & Mrs Smith or Ms A Jones & Mr J Smith if they don’t have the same surname.

House!

Dear TeaKitten

I apologise for the ambiguity, which you have pointed out, in my post.

I meant old-fashioned bitch rather than old (fashioned) bitch. Considering that anyone around 80 or younger would have been of the age to burn their bras in the 60s, I would consider age to be immaterial.

EVERY woman since the dawn of time has been brought up to consider others. Why on earth disregard the feelings of women? It's pure spite. Regarding OP's MIL: the B is, in Patriarchal terms, insulting her son.

As for the Christmas cards we all send; they're sent to people we know and like and therefore we KNOW how they want to be addresed. So do it.

My name is/ was my father’s. That’s just a fact. As is the fact that my husband’s is his father’s.
One of the greatest female icons of my lifetime, a woman who did enormous work for the cause of feminism is Billy-Jean King… a name she still uses. If it’s good enough for her, it works for me.

I do have the same name as my father but my husband also has the same name as his father. My point is, why is my name my father's name but my husband's name is his name?

Other than sexism.

Then why did you refer to your husband's name initially as his name, rather than your FILs? Actually, why do your dad and FIL get their own names, since the odds of them both having been the first ones to ever have them are astronomical. Billie Jean King is, incidentally, not likely to be the answer to any of these questions.

Bollocks to that.
I'm Ms Myfirstname Hislastname and that is it.

I got a birthday card from MIL addresses to Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname so I sent it back "unknown at this address". Every time. Which was about 15 years until she carked it. She did it because I'm "too modern" to annoy me. But it annoyed her more. 😁

For me it’s just more important that our family have the same name. I think there are much more important fights to be won.
As for “ ownership” I retained my original name for work, have always had a separate bank account, never disclosed my earnings to my husband nor asked him his. For me financial independence is a significantly more important factor in equality than fussing about a name.

Telling women who have merely made comments - as opposed to burning down the post office - to "calm down" is offensive. Stop it.

Things will, actually, calm up.

This is what I do too.

''unknown at this address''. Every time.

It's absolutely a hill to die on for me.

I'm a Ms HisLastName - MyLastName. Hubby is a Mr HisLastName - MyLastName. I work as a teacher in a huge primary with around 50 other married female colleagues. I am the only Ms, the rest are all Mrs.
Why does nobody challenge this misogyny?