To get annoyed that it's another year and I'm addressed as Mr & Mrs Chatnoir by MIL

[chatenoire]

I haven't even changed my name! I'm still Ms + Maiden name. I'd be more OK with Mr & Mrs his surname, but first name + surname just sounds so anachronistic to me.

I've actually made a point by every single time signing our cards the way it should be, but clearly to her it doesn't matter.

You do realize one of those houses/farms might get taken over by a daughter and her spouse? Leaving you with a choice of losing those names you're so attached to or desperately hoping the happy couple ditch your equally hallowed traditions.

Asking a question for my future self! What do families where you don't all have the same surname like to be addressed as when you're talked about in the collective.

I (single and childless, but a planner) plan to keep my surname and either double barrel my children's names or, name depending, include my surname as a middle name at the very least. In theory I could be smith, my spouse could be brown and our kids could be brown smith.

Would people call you "The Brown Smith Family"? If only I kept my surname and didn't double barrel my kids would we be "The Brown Family" (technically wrong?) or still "The Brown Smith Family"? Just wondering what the convention is!

@Caterpillarsleftfoot Why not just continue with the tradition of women losing their identity instead(?!)

😂😂😂😂😂

That's fully hilarious, you almost had me!

Yep, and like I said, we all make our own choices based on our own priorities and values. But it would be silly to pretend that patriarchy and historical sexism isn't involved in the battles we choose not to fight, as well as in those that we do.

Interesting that you choose to denigrate it as "fussing".

@felttippenguin I married my first husband when I was 24 and stupidly naive so took my husband's name and my boys also had their dad's last name. Durrrrr!!
Now remarried (43) and Ms double-barrelled, hubby is Mr double-barrelled and our toddler daughter is Miss double-barrelled.
As a result we go by the collective of The Crazy Crew; sums us up perfectly! 😄

Have you ever asked her not to do this? If not then YABU. It's just an old-fashioned way to address a couple.

It comes up less often than you'd think, but we tend to use the kids' surnames. I'm often referred to by their last name via school etc if they don't have the file in front of them; people make assumptions based on the majority and that's fine.

I don't think there's a convention though, I think families just settle into whatever works for them.

And before anyone asks, I'm happy for my kids to ditch part or all of their names at any point in their lives. Their names belong to them, not me or their dad.

Then you clearly didn’t understand the point I was making.

It was in response to the person who said - what’s the difference between taking your husband’s name, and keeping your father’s?

Putting aside the tired assumption that women’s names are only ever their father’s or their husband’s - whereas men’s names are their own - my response was: change needs to start somewhere.

If a women keeps her own surname, and then passes that down, then the child has their mother’s name. Not their father’s.

That argument no longer holds any water.

@JassyRadlett possibly it came up more in my extended family as none of my cousins share a last name so we referred to each other through our last names! But it's just occurred to me that plenty of cousins share a last name and must figure it out fine!

Give me strength!

I mean, some would say that the whole getting married thing was misogynistic tbh

Maybe she'd be more familiar with your name if she saw you for more than 4 hours a year

This is one of those threads where I can't seperate the posters who are having a laugh, those who are just trying to wind others up and those who are serious.

Brilliant comedy from those who meant it that way.

Mental posts on here! Very entertaining!

Yes that’s exactly the case where I come from. So the Smiths of Hillhead, the Smiths of Midlock and so on.

My ex MIL always addressed things this way, though she knew darned well I never changed my name. It always irked her so she was making A Point.

Thankfully, now ex MIL.

Why get worked up about it. She’s never going to change. Let it go

@derxa what happens when the Smiths of Hillhead fail to produce a male heir to carry on the family name? Surely tradition would see their family "identity" disappear?

Same here

I didn't change my maiden name

Parents and brother address me as Mrs. Husband's name

Old habits die hard

either start addressing post to her using her maiden name and do a faux-innocent "I thought we were using the incorrect names for each other" response

hahahahah I love this. Do it do it do it OP. 😂

What works both ways? It doesn’t work both ways, ( no one would address a man by his wife’s name) that’s precisely the problem.

I’ve a busy life and to make it all work I’ve become very practical and pragmatic. I pick my battles and for me fretting about a name doesn’t make the list.

”Fussing” is not means worrying about something unnecessarily, why is that denigrating.

Fretting, fussing, all words frequently used to denigrate women having thoughts, opinions or concerns

Men are rarely accused of fretting or fussing, but women are. And often in such a way that minimises their opinions or thoughts.

This may not be important to you, although actually you are one of the more frequent posters on this particular thread so I'm not so sure about that, but using words like fussing and fretting to put down other women for whom this is important is just insulting and mysoginistic

And its hardly like other posters don't also have busy lives and have to be practical.

Yes there are more important rights to be won. But that doesn't mean we can't talk about the less important things. Everyday sexism is as worthy of the fight as anything else as it underpins a lot of the bigger issues.

My mum is over a decade older than you and didn’t change her name and would never dream of doing this 🥴. Address people by their names please!