To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

If I was the OP I would be making a similar lunch at home on a weekend day, two similar lunches actually, one for myself and one for the child. Sitting and encouraging him to eat the packed lunch with you might be all the help he needs to get him started. Also you can see if he can cope with opening the lunchbox, unwrapping, unboxing the food or if you need you tweak the presentation. I think the idea of the sandwich cut into different shapes sounds as though it might work too. Anything is worth a try.

I would stop sending anything with sugar and salt added as these will suppress his appetite enough so that he doesn't want to eat his lunch. So no crisps and no raisins. Just fresh fruit, NAS yoghurt and a sandwich/wrap/roll etc.

I find your attitude quite shocking to be honest. It sounds like you resent him for wasting your time. Mothering him is the most important job you have.

Have you asked the staff to try and get him to eat? Maybe they don’t realise.

Hoping your suggestion of not sending food was light-hearted!

Lots of children don't eat well at preschool/nursery/school - and literally no parents respond by withholding lunch!
If they did, it would be a safeguarding concern for neglect.

I get why you think it's a waste and annoying to make just for to it to be uneaten. But you still need to provide a packed lunch. As he becomes more settled, lunch may become more routine am he may start eating more but he never will if you don't give him lunch. Also, likely part of your nursery contract that you must provide a packed lunch so they will probably pull you if you don't.

Poor kid.
you seem to see him not eating as an opportunity for you to do less parenting and cross a chore off your list.
you need to put more effort in here, not less.

People who ask something or ask aibu but get arsey about people not giving the answer they want or being the they Abu
😴

Ds now 18 and a great varied eater all his life but just couldn't eat quickly in Primary. Usually sent crisps,a sandwich, biscuit and drink. I eventually changed the sandwich to crackers and cheese but some days that was all he had time to eat. You don't just STOP send your child's lunch in.

My 4 year old won't eat a sandwich, never has, so we do things like pita breads, Wraps with a tomato sauce, cheese and pesto on so he thinks its pizza, crackers and picky bits.
Cucumber sticks, other cut up fruit like melon, suckie yogurts, just things I know he will eat or at least pick at.

Well, my first thought would be to stop including the crisps, then he cannot just eat those. I'd possibly not send the fruit either, and instead just send a wrap/sandwich/crackers with something he does like in it/with it? If anyone comments that it's not much then you can explain that he doesn't seem to eat much but what you have sent is something that is hopefully nutritious.
I'd avoid not sending anything!

OP my DD is 11 and still needs to be reminded to eat! Now she is in high school so they don't police the kids' lunch choices in the same way, but when she was younger I used to put in 2 bits of fruit and a wee pre-wrapped cake and pre-wrapped crackers along with a bit of cheese. All except the cheese could be sent again the next next day. Sometimes those crackers would go to school and back every day for a whole week! My DD eats a big dinner and that seems to do her.

You will find the staff follow up the fact your DS has no lunch because it is a major flag for parental neglect. Don't send crisps. Send something different everyday. What does it matter if sandwiches are wasted, he can eat them when he gets home, but he must be encouraged to sit down and eat. Keep at it.

Not sending lunch to school is ridiculous and deep down you know it.

If you don’t want waste, send them with what I would call boomerang food at the least.

individual packs of crackers
pot of grapes
fruit yo-yo
raisins
individual cheese blocks

These take no time to prep and can all be put back in the next day.

Cut the crap and speak to preschool about encouraging good eating habits. Ours used to have a helper that sat at each table to oversee what was happening, help open packets etc. Children were most certainly not allowed to get up and down and wander around.

You can't send him in with no lunch. Ridiculous.
The nursery will chase up on that.
You should stop sending crisps in.
Then you should try different things that he might like.
Also ask the nursery if they can please keep an eye on him and encourage him to eat.
And choose things which can be eaten in the afternoon (either by you or by DS) when he comes home rather than having to be chucked in the bin. So things that will keep well for a few hours without risking food poisoning.

A lot of small kids don't enjoy sandwiches and find them hard to chew. He might be better with small wraps or sandwich thins with something soft such as jam or cheese spread on them. The fact you say he'll probably only eat the raisins today suggests that he goes for what's quick and easy to eat. Have you peeled the satsuma or are you expecting him to do that himself? I think you need to engage him with what's going in his lunchbox so he can pick some things he'd like and make it as easy as possible for him to eat - no tricky packets, fruit peeled and chopped up, sandwiches in small pieces etc.
I think you definitely need to ask school to keep an eye on what he's eating (or not) too.

Was about to suggest exactly this.

But you can't send him in with nothing, OP. He SHOULD be eating, so you need to find something he'll eat!

My son sounds exactly the same. The excitement of school means he doesn’t want to sit and eat. He’s 3 nearly 4 and autistic. Have you asked the staff at preschool if someone would be available to sit with him for 5 mins to encourage him- maybe they could get another child he plays with to sit with him. Have you tried shaped cutters ? Stars or shapes anything he likes most of them I get off Amazon. My son doesn’t eat bread so he just has a couple slices of meat like ham with cut cucumbers and oh the dreadful crisps- sometimes you just can’t cut them out- don’t give yourself a hard time about it. I also wouldn’t suggest not not packing anything but definitely express your concerns with teachers most of them have great Tatics for scenarios like ours. Good luck x

I can't believe you are asking this. Just vary things up and cut the crisps. I would suspect that school would be obliged to flag this if you stopped sending in any lunch. I have a picky child and yes it's galling to see the bashed about sandwich at the the end of the day but you should still do it. Even worse is when they find their lunch box after some time and it's like some alien life form has spawned...😱

Well obviously don't send nothing but do make a packed lunch he likes.
Or....don't send crisps as he clearly eats them first.

Humours, carrot, pasta, cheese cubes....endless list of non-sandwich items

You could also ask them not to give him the crisps until day the meat is gone ?

You seem to be missing the point. Eating at school as a group is about developing social skills.

The fact there is a lot going on (which you think distracts him) is a learning point. He has to be able to eat with other people.

Also the lunch box food sounds really boring. Find something more interesting and stop the crisps (I thought schools discouraged those now.)

You surely can't expect a child to be attentive and energised on no food from breakfast time till school pick-up?

I wouldn't eat such a boring lunch either. So many other options

You have to send in lunch, even if they just eat the crisps. One day they'll start to eat it, which they obviously can't if you haven't provided it.

RAISINS

Dentists all over the UK are very worried about raisins in packed lunches.

They are full of sugar and no better than eating sweets. They are one of the main culprits for tooth decay in young kids.

Sorry, but you really can't send him in without lunch. As suggested I'd try other substitutes, piece of cheese, ham pieces, pasta, pitta bread/wraps etc. May try veggie sticks, something like fromage frais if he'll eat something like that. Oh, and take the crisps out for a few days to see if he gives in and eats something else - even if he hardly eats whatever, at least he's got something.