To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

This thread has got to be a nasty joke. The OP knew there would be a pile on.

You need to have a word with nursery then and see if they can create a quiet area for him.

My SEN son won't eat in big groups or when there are more fun things to do around because he lacks interoception and if he's busy he will not realise he needs to eat or drink.

It was agreed with school that at lunch times he could have extra time and would be somewhere quiet and they'd work on a routine with him.

You still need to provide food. He can't eat it if he doesn't have the option.

You say he ‘eats fine at Nursery and at home’ but the whole point of your post is that he doesn’t eat at Nursery and needs a lot of encouragement at home.

He won’t suddenly change when he’s in Reception, he needs to learn to eat independently at home and at school. As is shown by what he’s doing at Nursery, if you aren’t there saying ‘come on eat, eat etc’ then he won’t. Lunches won’t be chaotic, noisy, up and down experiences at Nursery, he’s just not eating and he needs help to do this.

He hasn’t yet learnt to focus on food and eat by himself without an adult telling him to so this will be important to work on, otherwise he’ll start school lacking the independent skills he needs. This year I have a few children like your son who we give extra eating time to and they look completely bewildered when their friends pack up and go, it’s a shame but we’re having to teach them what they haven’t been taught at home.

You can't just not send in a lunch. I totally get the waste though. I'm a childminder and one of my little ones was just chucking his sandwich straight onto the floor every day and eating the rest so I suggested mum stopped sending the sandwich (after trying various ways to encourage him to eat it)... he now has a little brioche roll instead of a sandwich which he actually does eat.

My DD doesn't eat sandwiches either (unless they're marmite ones). I had a nightmare trying to figure packed lunches that she would eat (FWIW, I hate wasting food too). So I bought my kids a thermos flask each and just heat up the leftovers from our supper from the night before (assuming that there are no nuts in there). They have that for lunch (if there's enough for me, I'll take some in to heat up at work too). It works well for us as I know they've had a good home-cooked lunch. Would that be worth a shot? At that age, my DS would eat stuff no problem, my daughter was more tricky (although much easier now at 10yrs old!).

It's worth talking to the staff about it - I certainly did in my DD's case and just asked them to prompt her/encourage her to get on and eat! I'd then check in with them at pick up and see what she had eaten (my DC were at a nursery and they kept records of what each kid ate). If I could have got her to eat crudités and pieces of cheese etc, then I would have done that (but she doesn't) ---> weird child: won't eat sandwiches/salads/cheese/much cold stuff but will eat a veg filled hot meal without an issue.

Just speak to the nursery, he won't be the first to not eat his packed lunch. Its good to make them aware they you know it's just coming all back home, and see if they can support him eating something or recommendations of what might help. Chances are they'll say sorry we can't, in which case as long as you're not concerned about him not eating I wouldn't worry; send some stuff in but not loads of fresh things that'll go off.

Excellent parenting, child doesn't eat food, don't vary it, don't ask pre school how to overcome him not concentrating on food, just don't give him any. Problem sorted!

Why are you not speaking to the preschool about making sure he eats his lunch rather than contemplating not sending food?

I'd be interested to read that thread...

Given that it’s probably just a phase, I’d carry on sending him with a lunch but with less in it against the day he decides he will eat it. And I know this sounds bad, but even if it is partly for show, it stops a concern being raised which any preschool worth its salt really should do. You’re obviously a caring mum but some aren’t. And talk to the staff. It will all work out.

OP I feel your pain. My (incredibly lazy and fussy) children would eat NOTHING but shite if offered at that age.

We cut out the crisps/sweet shit for a few years as they would touch nothing else in the packed lunch. We did up until about year 4.
So a packed lunch was like this:
they got 1 of: sandwich/pasta salad/wrap/samosa/chicken pieces
2 veg (peppers, peas, cucumber, carrots, celery, cherry toms etc)
1 bit of fruit (mainly berries)

After year four we added biscuit or a yoghurt .
No crisps/cakes/bars/sausage rolls etc
They ate more and more of it and now eat everything as teens. They are all over 6 foot and very fit and healthy so must have been alright in the end!

You will need to send food and cop the wastage. I had one who did not eat at school. The most was a quarter of an apple at recess. Nightmare in primary years as they don’t accept some kids just don’t eat no matter what you give them. Mine would have eaten chocolate bars but that was it, no crisps or lollies, and I wasn’t prepared to have them eat chocolate bars for recess and lunch. Caused a right kerfuffle. So I’d waste a sandwich each day, plus quarter of an apple (I’d send them with half), but otherwise I just added a few packaged things like muslei bars, crackers and just leave them there and maybe replace once in the year. Thank goodness for high school where no one cared and we didn’t have to go through that charade.

My child had a good breakfast (porridge or scrambled eggs on toast or similar), and ate a decent portion of a nutritious dinner at night. No issue at all and they did very well at school, and were very energetic and did serious sports most days. As an adult they are the same, eat brekkie and dinner, no lunch or snacks at work, no health issues, energetic and still play competitive sports. If a kid or adult genuinely isn’t hungry at school/work but have food otherwise in the day it shouldn’t be made into a huge drama.

Every morning I dress my child in clean clothes knowing they'll soon be dirty. Every night I tuck her into bed knowing she'll soon be back out again. Parenting is full of endless moments like these and tasks that feel almost pointless but we still continue to do them. Even a lunchbox that hasn't been touched needs preparing again for the next day, however frustrating it is.

This! And not crisps.

I think you are sending in too much food for a 3 year old. I wouldn’t eat a sandwich, packet of crisps and a piece of fruit for lunch every day as a fully grown adult.

I’d make one cheese sandwich per week and send in half on two days. The other three days give a different main element but make it a small portion. Ditch the crisps entirely or decant a few into a sealed bag and make the whole bag last over several days. Keep the fruit but make it easy to eat - clementine already peeled, apples cored and sliced, grapes halved already. Once he starts coming back with an empty box, then you can up the quantities if you feel he needs this.

Less waste and also more likely he will eat what you want him to eat and not just fill up on a 35g bag of crisps.

So basically, it’s all about you and the fact that you’d rather have an extra 5 minutes than make your child a lunch? You cannot send your child to nursery without any lunch as the staff will (quite rightly so) refer as a safeguarding concern.

Google lunchbox ideas for toddlers, and recipes. There are literally millions

Send a crisp sandwich 🤣

Honestly though, you can't send nothing - maybe try stuff that's not going to perish like single serve crackers with a tub of toppings.

Just to play devil's advocate, we have a child in reception who is very young, and his parents sent a beautiful lunch every single day. He only ever eats the sausage roll. Someone would open all the food for him every day, and we would have to send home this lunch uneaten and it would get binned every single day. I finally just told mum and dad to send a sausage roll.

That's quite unusual. Are the children all sitting down together to eat?
How much do the staff supervise?

This! Of course he’ll eat crisps rather than a sandwich…apples also aren’t a good choice for independent eating, better with berries or pre cut fruit that can be eaten with zero effort.

To be fair I’d also ask what the staff are doing to encourage him to eat, doesn’t sound like there’s a whole lot of effort on that front either

Just drop the crisps and send in fruit and something protein. If it’s not eaten, surely it can be offered for a snack when he gets home. You can’t not send him in without any food.

I'd send in some finger foods as they're easy to eat - cubes of cheese, halved grapes, blueberries, little cheesy biscuits - that kind of thing. And ask the staff to please give him some encouragement to eat, or he'd rather play.

I definitely wouldn't not send anything - the nursery staff will then have to contact you and it will cause problems for them. Plus, what if he's hungry one day and you haven't sent him with any lunch?

Sandwich, crisps and fruit for lunch seems fine for a fully grown adult.