To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

Well, when I asked on here if I should ask preschool to encourage him to eat the consensus was this was highly unreasonable.

This is my first time with preschool and I don’t really know what is generally expected in terms of independence. I mean, he has food there so I have assumed he’ll eat it if ravenous. It is annoying because it throws the routine out of sync but I genuinely don’t see the point of making a sandwich for it to sit forlornly for three hours for it then to be tossed into a bin!

coukd you try half a sandwich? Just one slice of bread? Sometimes I think a lot of food can look off putting to small children, and would be less wasteful?

I literally cannot believe you have said these things!!!

He is 3 FFS and you are his mum.

if you’ve got no time and no patience then I’m not entire sure why you bothered having kids!! Mate we are all busy- I’d made 2 packed lunches, breakfast and emptied the dishwasher and mopped all the floor before I started work at 8am.

pull yourself together!!!!

this is wild!!!!

Could do. I cut it into fours and I’d be fine with him eating some, it’s just the fact it literally hasn’t been so much as sniffed at!

Does he like banana? It's a bit more sustaining than crisps or raisins and quick to eat.

And it doesn't matter if it comes home uneaten, it can be put back in the next day.

You've got along way to go, this doesn't just happen at 3.
There's alot of food wasted over the years so it's something you need to suck up.

Providing 5 mins of your precious time to make your child food is nothing. It's being a mother. Sorry but you need to get a grip

@Youcannotbeseriousreally i said I don’t like waste, not that I want to subject the royal family to extended torture or something calm down.

Can he eat it when he comes home and then it won’t be wasted?

I was just thinking a smaller portion must be less daunting for him if he’s not a big eater plus also less wasteful for you

Talk to the staff and ask for help in encouraging him to eat.
Id be very surprised if lunchtime is as chaotic as you’re making out, the private nursery and then school nursery my children went to, plus my own class, lunch is calm and focused on eating. Choking is a risk so I’d be really surprised if they let children get up and down with ‘too much going on’.

I think it’s likely he struggles with eating, you mention having to remind him a lot at home, he’s not eating at Nursery and you need to help
him before he starts school. Children aren’t going to learn if they don’t practise, he needs to learn to eat at lunchtime, initially with lots of adult support like you give him at home but eventually he could do it himself. At home remind him to eat but not constantly and have the expectation that he’ll sit at the table and at least make a good effort without you doing it for him by telling him a lot e.g. when he starts to get down ‘X you need to finish/try your sandwich so we can do x, y and z’

If any parent didn’t send a child in with a lunch on purpose I’d be flagging it as a safeguarding concern. If you explained the issue as you have here Id think you were trying to avoid addressing the problem and offer you support.

So your just going to starve him!

@crumblingschools this is the problem. If he eats it then at 3, he isn’t hungry for dinner at 5, which sets bedtime back …

@Sunshineclouds11 i know. And some waste is obviously to be expected, but there’s a difference between eating some food and no food. I don’t mind making a dinner and some going in the bin but making a dinner that goes completely untouched is pointless id say (like when I made a stir fry for ds . Never again!)

They are probably giving them too much for the mid-morning snack and he just isn't hungry.

Well you just sound selfish tbh. Like your time is more important than anything else ( including if you kid is hungry!)

He’s starving himself @Gillypie23 !

@1AngelicFruitCake he eats fine at nursery and he eats OK at home if you keep on at him.

Right, off now - will return in an hour to all sorts I expect.

@Unpackedlunch Just a thought....are you wrapping the sandwich up in a way that he doesn't know how to open it.
It could be he eats the crisps because he can open the packet - but he hasn't figured out how to open a zip-lock bag or lunch box.

My time IS important and a lot of it is spend cooking healthy meals - that he eats. It’s that which is key. I suppose it’s a bit like say washing and making a fancy bed if your child refuses to sleep there - it’s pointless and ritualistic.

Nothing to add to previous posts but I want to thank @SleepingStandingUp for the phrase “mother up”. Love it 😊

Just put some crackers, slices of cheese, raisins and cucumber slices in a box. If he doesn't graze on it, then he can eat it when he gets home.

how about using shape cutters to cut it into little bite size pieces? i'd try anything to be honest.

Don't send crisps then. There have been lots of healthier suggestions. I'm not sure why crisps have made themselves so prevalent in kids' packed lunches anyway. My kids are all still alive and I never sent crisps or chocolate in their lunches. Just try lots of things like mini wraps instead of sandwiches, cheese and crackers, chopped veg / fruit.
Sometimes, it helps if we try these foods as snacks at home first. If we get rid of crisps and biscuits from the snack options at home, they get used to having healthier stuff. At 3 years old this is a perfect time to do it.

Have you actually talked to the preschool? That could save you a lot of time and hassle.

You could send things that don't spoil and could be eaten that afternoon or the next day.
Things like apples or mandarins or prepackaged fruit cups. I've had an apple do 3 trips to school and back before being eaten. They're actually one of the DC in questions favourite fruits and they travel well. Crackers, mini packs of dried fruit, mini muffins, cookies could all be eaten fine later. I have a friend who'd put dinner leftovers in her DC lunchbox.

If you haven't yet I'd speak to the staff. They should be sitting down to eat no matter how busy and early years teachers usually make sure kids are eating. There are always kids at our preschool that have to show they've eaten something before they can go off to play and get sent back to sit down and eat some more if they haven't.

You can’t just not send lunch, that’s not how it works. Can you ask him to tell you what he wants.
My DD went through a phase of not eating sandwich and there are lots of either options we tried that are similar and filled with cheese or chicken like croissant, brioche buns, half of a bagel, tacos etc. just a little bit of everything and she’ll eat some.

But if he is not supervised or encouraged to eat it at lunchtime (as seems to be the case) he won’t learn to eat it either. OP, can you have a word with the staff to ask them about what they can do to help.