To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

Nowt wrong with a crisp sandwich!

So the Demon Crisps are at fault, that is the consensus? Be interesting to see what (if anything) he eats today.

Oh my!! How much does a cheese sandwich cost?? Don’t send crisps. Sounds like he eats the junk and nothing else. Remove the junk. Send veg sticks hummus , fruit, sandwich or wrap etc then when he starts eating , reintroduce crisps if you want to. I assume he eats Lunch when he’s at home?!

I think it's fine OP, just send in a can of beer and a kebab.

The other option is to ask the nursery staff what other children eat (to give you ideas) and if your child eyes up any other food that is there. He might keep looking at someone's Red Leicester cheese sandwich whilst ignoring the Cheddar cheese sandwich. He might keep sitting next to the child who has brown bread and not white, etc.

"I can’t see the point of wasting food."

"It’s also one more thing to do"

"What’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?"

This is awful.
He's 3 - you'll be "wasting food" for a few years to come yet.

Feeding your child is one more thing to do?? It takes 5 minutes to shove a lunch together.

You aren't "sending food in for the sale of it". You're providing lunch and if he chooses not to eat it then fine, but he will likely change his mind at some point and then what? He'll have no lunch because his mother couldn't be bothered?

He isn’t fussy in the slightest and eats most things. It’s more the environment than the food.

So for example he attends a nursery for two days a week and almost always eats everything.

At home, he eats everything but needs encouragement shall we say (reminders - ds, eat your dinner, ds, eat your dinner, DS!)

At preschool where children are up and down and in and out and no reminders, no chance. He’d rather play. So there’s no point going on an exotic food shop and I know this because I’ve tried! It’s just an even more expensive waste of food!

Don't send crisps then. See if he'll eat something else if there's no crisps.

Nope. YOU are at fault. HTH.

Haven’t you even asked the staff what else he’s eating all day? You don’t even know if he eats his snack?! Are you for real?

I rarely say anything like this op but bloody hell stop being lazy and get A grip of it.

You could talk to the nursery? Find out if he's eats a snack and what it is? Ask their advice?

It is odd that your first concern is that he isn't eating lunch.

Most 3 yos are not going from 8 am to 4 pm without food
School will absolutely raise a safeguarding concern if you refuse to provide the child with food.

Speak to school about the fact he's not eating it. Ask for their help. You aren't doing your child any favours by teaching him to go without food all day.

DS 8 will eat a bag of crisps, small choc and half a sandwich. Sometimes not even half a sandwich. But I wouldn't ever consider just not being arsed because he doesn't eat it all.

Provide your kid with food and then enlist schools help with him eating it.

ie talk to them about his need for reminders, how to approach this?

I pick my battles and always send things DS will eat, and then maybe 1 thing I know he's unsure of.

He was 3 in June, does 9-3 at preschool, his packed lunch is

• ham sandwich (cut into 9 bite sized portions, he doesn't like them in 4 apparently as they're 'too big for my mouth')
• a little pot of cheddar cheese cubes (i was using babybel then realised how much they are so started cutting cheese into tiny cubes)
• Petit folius
• handful of blueberries/raisins/strawberries/chopped apple etc
• cucumber or cherry tomato or something else he wont usually eat
• single choc chip cookie

usually most of it is gone bar some of the cheese which he finishes off at the childminders after school.

Found cutting things smaller and making it more 'fun' helps!

@DinkyDonkey2018 I hate waste. It’s very different (in my eyes anyway) leaving a bit of your dinner and just leaving food completely untouched.

And I don’t like time being wasted either. Five minutes, sure, but given I get about an hour to myself all day and in that time I have a LOT to do, it’s quite precious!

If you were to consistently send him into preschool without a lunch, and shared the same reasoning with the staff as you have done on here, that's exactly what would happen.

Christ's sake, we've all chucked barely eaten sandwiches in the bin when kids get home...you don't stop feeding them

The Social Services comment was probably a bit exaggerated but I can definitely tell you that if you don't provide food for your child flags will be raised at nursery. Talk to the nursery about it, they will have been through this before. Definitely eliminate treats, only provide options that you are happy that they eat if that's all they eat.

No idea how long he’s in for, but it’s obviously long enough to need lunch, which you’re suggesting just not feeding him.

Incidentally I also don’t know how long the school day is at Eton, but I expect they eat lunch too.

Just not sending any food at all is not a solution to a three year old not eating at nursery.

And it hasn't occurred to you to raise with preschool that he is not eating well and whether there is anything they can do to ensure he does have a meal..? Instead, your solution is to not bother giving him any food at all...

I am completely baffled by your logic

What?!?

5 mins of your precious time to make food for your child?

🤯🤯🤯🤯

Jesus just don't send in the crisps!

If you think he is being distracted, I would send in little bites of things which can be eaten quickly and easily between playing/chatting/running round the table

Cubed cheese, chopped sausage, cheese biscuits, chopped cucumber, raisins etc

Have you spoken to staff? Explained he is not eating anything? Asked them to supervise a bit more closely?

Bloody hell you resent your small child for being distracted at lunch time and rather than waste more of your precious time talking or preschool, you'd prefer to just not bother. I get it's hard being a single parent but you need to Mother Up and get on with this.

It sounds like he isn't that hungry. What is the snack? Does he eat dinner when he comes home?

It could be that his breakfast, snack and evening meal is enough and he's not hungry enough at lunchtime to eat more than the attractive food.

Could you give him a bit less for breakfast and not give him crisps or raisins for lunch but something else that he will eat? Cheese and crackers?

But OTOH, if he's a healthy weight, growing etc, giving him food that he doesn't actually want seems to be a bit 'for show', ie convention says that he should eat lunch so he should, whether he's hungry or not.

I love crisps and given the choice of crisps or sandwich I would go for crisps every time - well as an adult I would eat both but if I was 3 it would be crisps.
Leave the crisps out. He will either start eating the sandwich or he won't - but at least you are trying.
However.....my daughter has never been a sandwich fan but she will eat things like crackers or bread sticks and likes to dip them in various dips. When she was 3 she liked to dip them in pickle (as in Branston pickle) or soft cheese. She also liked ham cut up into small pieces.
Basically a ham and pickle/cheese sandwich but without the bread and crackers/bread sticks instead.
(Basically a Dairylea Lunchable - but homemade)

Get him a bento style lunch box and send in little cubes of cheese, sausage, veg / fruit sticks, yoghurt coated raisins etc in mini portions. All straight from the fridge if needs be. My fussy eldest did well on anything varied and picnic like. Sandwiches are dull.