To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

You can't not provide lunch! He's an active toddler who needs the nutrition.
He needs to be provided with food that he finds more exciting and tasty and nursery need to be aware that he is only eating a bag of crisps between 9-5.

Work together. I'd arrange a meeting with nursery and say that you are concerned about the lack of food he appears to be eating during nursery hours. Ask for help, more supervision, more feedback and engagement. You also need to do your part and make lunches that are healthy and calorie dense and back up educating your child about the importance of having lunch. Your health visitor can provide ideas or there is plenty of advice on NHS website, BBC food and on line resources.
Bin the crisps. Finger foods, pasta salads, wraps, mini cubes of cheese, ham, veg sticks, breadsticks, dips. Reward him eating lunch, let him choose an item of food or even better make it with you at the weekend and use it on a nursery day.

Why could the cheese not be sent again? Cheese does not go off overnight. Indeed, sitting out overnight tends to improve it.

Crisps are totally unnecessary. Should be healthy things only - sandwich/pasta/wrap, fruit and veg. Try different options, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't eat it, just keep it for the next day.

Laughing at people jumping on you like you’ve asked if it would be ok to never feed your child again 😂🤦‍♀️

I totally get your point in that it’s completely
wasteful, and annoying for you.
I guess all you can do is carry on as you are and with time maybe one day he will decide to eat
something different?
Crisps are still food (ok so it’s not as nutritious as a fruit platter before someone jumps down my throat) at least he’s eating something!

Were all just trying to make it out of parenting alive to be honest!

We had a child at our school who would eat nothing but prepackaged mini cocktail sausages every single day.

His mum said he ate quite normally at home but he hated school lunches, sandwiches, rolls, even crisps. That’s what he ate so that’s what she sent. I know they aren’t the most healthy of food but as he got older he did try other things and would even have the Friday school dinner option when it was sausage and chips.

The point is that you keep sending food in, minus the crisps, he will settle and eat something one day. Even if it’s the most random thing like the sausages I mentioned as long as he’s then getting a balanced diet at home it’s fine. chances are once he establishes an eating pattern you can then change it to something more healthy. At least you know he’s having something at school.

Nobody likes wasting food especially these days but could you put something in that you know he’ll eat at home Later so it’s not wasted.

… and as for not having much time for yourself, maybe you didn’t realise that when you become a parent your time very much isn’t your own???

Just send a smaller sandwich, just 1 slice. And some fruit/yogurt.

Does your son eat sandwiches at home? My son at a similar age never ate sandwiches and when he was old enough he said “ don’t like the yellow stuff” - butter!!! He’s now in his 20’s and still hates cream and butter

Remove the crisps.

Because he was eating the cheese.

Try sending him in with just the sandwich, cut into 4. See if he eats any of it then.

Can we stop demonising crisps please?

My DH hates cream and butter too @Albarinoqueen ! DS is fine with it but he just isn’t eating at preschool. My guess is that he’d just rather play. He’s the same at home too but I can obviously control that a bit more!

Someone asked about the other thread where I asked if it would be unreasonable to ask preschool to encourage him to eat - here thread only one reply but the poll is very much in favour of this being unreasonable so I did assume it wasn’t the ‘done thing’ if you like.

It’s only one packet of crisps twice a week. His diet is honestly pretty good as a rule - despite grandparents! I think I’ll just send some healthy snacks in, I suspect they won’t be eaten either though.

… about the school snacks, it’s usually fruit, or it is in our school. So if he doesn’t like fruit he’s most likely not eating that either.

He does like fruit. There’s very little he dislikes. He’s fairly ambivalent about food though - completely different to me in that respect, I’d sell my soul for cake but ds just has things he’d rather do, like play. Which is understandable, just he does have to eat sometimes!

There are longer term consequences of food choices in early childhood.

Giving your child junk food (which crisps are- salty, fatty, refined carbs) you're creating a habit which will stay with him.

Your 'only twice a week' is a lot compared to some parents who only give crisps once in a blue moon.

He is already choosing those over the other food in his packed lunch.

No.

Sorry @penjil

Why are you defending salty, fatty, refined and ultra processed food for a 3 year old?

But many people are suggesting cubes of cheese and mini sausages....that's far worse!

But many people are suggesting cubes of cheese and mini sausages....that's far worse!

How exactly?

Cubes of cheese at least contain calcium and protein (and they don't have to be pre-wrapped cubes they can be cubes cut off a block of Cheddar.) So I'm not sure why you think cheese is a bad choice.

Sausages- well, they are full of nitrites that can cause bowel cancer, so the wouldn't be on my list, other than an occasional treat but at least they do contain protein, unlike crisps.

Have you missed the news yesterday about the obesity epidemic, 3000 adults a day in hospital due to weight issues, and the number of children hospitalised because of obesity?

Ok so 2 packets of crisps a week aren't going to make someone obese, but they establish a pattern of eating junk food and whatever kids eat as children tends to stay with them for life.

I used to send mine in nappies but he just pooed in them, so after a while I didn't bother. What was the point?

OP isn’t being daft, not sending him with food would basically be neglect. The preschool would be obligated to report it.

I would just get a packet of energy bars of some sort and put one in along with an apple. There's enough energy in one of those to keep him going all day if he needs to, and if he doesn't eat it it will keep for the next time.

My daughter was a very fussy eater and I was frequently in tears over it. She especially hated sandwiches and wouldn’t eat ‘cooked’ food at lunchtime, so no option to send pasta etc. She did love cold deli meats and cheese so I tried a little selection box of some chopped salami/ham/cheese which she would have. I also wasn’t afraid to send crisps, as better that she ate something than nothing. Please don’t stop sending a sandwich/some kind of main, eventually he will eat it.. and how will he learn to eat it if it isn’t supplied?

That literally makes no sense as an example because the whole point of nappies is to poo in them.

I think a better example would be a child who is potty training but isn’t going on the potty wearing pants. If after a while they are just pooing in their pants it might be going back to nappies is the best option.

Neglect is when you won’t or can’t to meet a child’s needs, which wouldn’t be applicable here. I’d literally be saying to preschool they he would eat at home. That’s it.