To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

YABU. Mine hated sandwiches and still isn't a fan. Bread sticks, cheese cubes, cherry tomatoes, grapes cut in half, blueberries, bits of ham, babybels, mini cheddars or Ritz biscuits, rice cakes, squeezy yogurts, fruit winders...

HTFT. Can you cut the sandwich into bite sized squares? Give him bite-sized fruits (apple chunks, grapes, satsuma segments etc)? If they’ll let him eat as he plays at pre-school, this could work.

My kids are way out of this stage, none of this matters in the grand scheme. But I do want to point out that you don’t have to choose between eating healthy food OR good manners OR sitting at a table etc. It’s entirely possible, and desirable, that children learn to do all of these things. Ideally, it would be all be taught and learned at the same time but some children just can’t learn, and some parents just can’t teach. It’s a shame, but 3yo is hardly a time to be drawing conclusions. Get the child fed, work on all the other things so that by the time he starts proper school he’s doing it all.

So you didn't read it, but just spouted a load of crap to the op.

You are telling everyone they're wrong!

Speak to a member of staff about it-his keyworker, it will not come across as confrontational, the staff are there to work with you to provide the best outcomes for him
if you don’t provide a lunch that will look neglectful and they will want to speak to you about it
little bits of food he likes, it’s probably very busy at lunch, probably sensory overload and he probably spends his time watching others and taking in the experience
if the staff know to give lots of positive encouragement to eat, he’ll respond to that and give it a bit of time and he’ll eat
hope that’s helpful!

There is really no tactful way to say this @Unpackedlunch

The fact you can't see the connection between how you are parenting your son's meals at home, and his behaviour at pre school, is shocking.

If you don't make your son sit and eat (and finish) a meal at home sitting at the table, how the hell do you expect him to do so at pre school?

Learning to sit at a table and finish a meal is something your child needs to be taught. I was taught, and I taught my own kids, that when you leave the table , the food is cleared away. End of meal.
No getting up and down, no wandering around, no grazing .

If you can't see the connection and how what you do at home is part of the problem there isn't anything anyone can do to help you.

YOU are the problem in all of this. Not your son, not the fact the food isn't the 'right ' food, but your lack of proper parenting.

I was made to sit until I ate my food. Ended up with a lifetime of bulimia and self hatred in my relationship with food. Sure way to fuck a kids head up that. I reckon your way is way more abusive. So please don't call OP a bad parent and take a look at your own stupid ideas.

What does he say when you ask why he hasn't eaten lunch? The obvious thing is to cut the crisps, speak to him and tell him he has to eat at least one square of the sandwich. I would also speak to the school and ask what he's eating for break as you're concerned he's not eating all day or got advice on how to get him to eat his lunch. He won't starve himself and will eat when he's hungry but you can't not send anything as the staff will think you're neglectful

@Lilithlogic I think you are confusing two things. He doesn't have to eat all of his food. I didn't say that. I would never insist that anyone eats everything, so please don't make things up or call my ideas 'stupid'.
But he has to learn to eat at the table. He can still leave food but it isn't great to keep wandering off, eating on the go, and grazing. As other posters have said, he won't be able to do this when he's in Year R, and then what will happen? No food all day?

I work in a preschool, children eat lunch there.
We simply cannot let them eat ‘on the go’. This would increase the risk of choking and create loads more cleaning, floors and toys would be covered in food and sticky fingerprints.
We encourage children to eat their lunch (main food) before their packets of entertainment food, but no food is labelled as good/bad. Some children eat their crisps and sweet stuff before their main food, then want to leave the table. We are consistent with asking them to wait for others to finish, but if a child is distressed we allow them to leave.
I’d suggest talking to the staff and explain what’s happening. They should be able to work with you to find a solution. But ultimately if you allow your child to leave the meal table before they’re finished at home, they will want to do the same at preschool too.

I think your doing all you can, it’s a new setting takes time to settle down. My little one was at a private nursery 3 afternoons a week and had to take packed lunch in, never really ate any of it. Now at school nursery and have to eat before going so very rushed and still doesn’t eat alot some days.

Also in regards to the whole sitting at the table debate, who cares as long as the kids are well looked after, fed and loved. Sitting at a table really isn’t that important!

Most 3 year olds are fussy eaters in some way, be it at home or nursery/school. In another 2 years he'll be eating you out of house and home so...

Nuts won't be allowed due to allergies

Schools pre schools nurseries etx are nut free

Of course sitting at a table is important, it's already leading to issues for this child!

They may be eating something at home and it's nutritious, but because they're not able to sit at a table to eat, and therefore he's eating crisps........ so is it a case of out of sight out of mind..... you don't care that your DC is eating crap, if when you're letting them walk around with food at home, they eat something nutritious? Really?

It really is. Nursery/school isn't necessarily about the thing itself (although in this scenario it is as it's actually about eating). It's about learning how to learn. This is why when people say things like oh, I never used algebra so I don't know why they taught it at school. Well it's not necessary about algebra, it's about problem solving etc. It really blows my mind how clever these little children are, and as adults we really need to start giving them more credit.

I remember having to fill out some sort of social science questionnaire at school and one of the questions was whether or not we sat down at a table together for dinner. It was the first time I realised that people didn't do this. For me, dinner isn't just about the process of eating food. It's an opportunity to talk and listen, to enjoy my child's company. It's a social skill, eating and conversing, using cutlery when appropriate or hands correctly if from a culture/eating cuisine that requires hands.

This does my head in, OP. My child is a little older than yours but when she has been to holiday club and I send her in with a full packed lunch and loads of options and she only eats one or two items it drives me mad. I know the staff are busy, but surely they can encourage them to eat the sandwich/wrap first or whatever!!

@Goodlard who says my child eats crap? I think you need to reread my comment. Also sitting as the table is not as important and eating. So if it works better for the child and family why not sit where they want? The original poster didn’t want advice on where to seat her child for meals so it’s irrelevant anyway.

OP, I think pp are replying without reading all your updates as I did. It would be considered neglect if he were there all day and you just didn't bother, but considering he starts his session at lunch time, and if the preschool are happy with him getting down to play, you wouldn't be unreasonable to say he will eat before he arrives.
However, every setting I've worked in has needed to keep the children within a small area at lunch time to ensure adequate supervision of those children who are eating so they may prefer he does have something so that eventually he may sit for longer! So it just needs a conversation with them as to what will work.

Because the child won't then eat in other settings where it needs to, as per the OP, which is what this thread is about, and what my post is about.

Parents like you are the ones whose children are running round restaurants, spoiling others enjoyment.

Feed your kid - it's neglect not to.

If he chooses not to eat it , that's not neglect.

@Goodlard and you know that do you? I think you’ll find your wrong. You know nothing about my child apart from what I’ve written on this so maybe stop been so judgmental, everyone’s parenting is going to be different so what makes you think your way of thing is the correct way? What a load of bull!

Oh course it'll be all the children that have been taught to eat at the table running amok!

Not the ones that think it's normal to run around eating!

@Goodlard just because they don’t sit at a table every meal it doesn’t mean they run around eating.

In my experience it’s children with parents of your attitude that actually have worse behaviour as they are probably sick of having to be so perfect all the time.

Anyway, I’m not going to comment further as I’ve said my point.

Of course, people that actually parent are obviously in the wrong....