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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not send in a packed lunch?

431 replies

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:35

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:27

I know- just exasperation Smile

OP posts:
Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:27

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:26

i weighed 6st 9lb

The relevance of this is......????

DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:27

as pp a food flask with spoon -pasta/mash etc?

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:31

It really is the setting, not the food. He’s had a few difference choices and ignores them all. I’ll have a chat with staff after Christmas if things don’t improve. If they still don’t improve may have to rethink afternoon sessions for now.

OP posts:
Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:33

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:31

It really is the setting, not the food. He’s had a few difference choices and ignores them all. I’ll have a chat with staff after Christmas if things don’t improve. If they still don’t improve may have to rethink afternoon sessions for now.

So you allow him to get down from the table but continue eating, so you think pre school should also allow this nonsense?

How does that work when you're out eating? Is he the child charging around the restaurant, because he's eaten his crisps and will only sit again when the ice cream is served...

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:35

I’ve said several times he is fine in cafes and restaurants, at parties and anywhere really. I don’t insist on that home because I don’t have to. I honestly have no wish to sound argumentative but endlessly trying to make this something it isn’t is so unhelpful.

OP posts:
DragonMama3 · 19/12/2023 19:40

Would he rather play?

JenniferJuniper80 · 19/12/2023 19:42

Pack him things he eats.

Cheese triangles or cubes, bread sticks, apple slices, biltong, mini sausage rolls, carrot batons and philadelphia cheese, mini scotch eggs, quartered grapes, packs of raisins, or yoghurt covered raisins. Chicken goujons, fromage frais or froobs.
All easy lunch foods for a toddler.
You know what your child likes and dislikes.

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:44

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:35

I’ve said several times he is fine in cafes and restaurants, at parties and anywhere really. I don’t insist on that home because I don’t have to. I honestly have no wish to sound argumentative but endlessly trying to make this something it isn’t is so unhelpful.

Why have you asked AIBu?

Yes you are! If he can sit everywhere but home and pre school (which I find odd), why?

Why does he choose those two places to act out? And no not sending in a pa k lunch and letting him eat crisps is not acceptable!

YABVU!

He needs to learn he sits and eats a meal and isn't constantly grazing in all settings, not just the ones he wants.

Noglitterallowed · 19/12/2023 19:47

Haven’t read all the reply’s but as if you’d actually contemplate sending a child with no packed lunch 🙄. You’ll be on here soon asking why someone has called authorities on you! Kids quite often leave stuff doesn’t mean you don’t spend 5 mins doing a packed lunch!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/12/2023 19:52

Between this and the other posters thread about starving their young son if he doesn't eat within 10 minutes I despair.

Try other options before going straight to neglect.

Snugglemonkey · 19/12/2023 19:53

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 16:29

I’d disagree to be honest. He’s eating fine at home, nursery, out and about. It’s literally just preschool and that is probably a combination of a packed lunch and the fact that he’s expected to eat when he comes in, as others have said.

I have no issue and respect that others insist on the table or nowhere etc but (sorry to sound bossy!) I’m not going to be changing what I’m doing in respect of this.

He isn't eating fine at home though. He is spoon fed.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:57

@Goodlard this is the most stupid, pointless argument.

You will come across other parents who do things differently to you. That’s how life works, people have different lifestyles and different things are important to them. I don’t really know how many different ways I can say this. I. Don’t. Care. I don’t care if he eats at the table or watching the TV, or when playing with his toys. I really, really don’t care. I do care that he eats a decent amount and that what he does eat is healthy and nutritious.

OP posts:
Goodlard · 19/12/2023 19:59

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:57

@Goodlard this is the most stupid, pointless argument.

You will come across other parents who do things differently to you. That’s how life works, people have different lifestyles and different things are important to them. I don’t really know how many different ways I can say this. I. Don’t. Care. I don’t care if he eats at the table or watching the TV, or when playing with his toys. I really, really don’t care. I do care that he eats a decent amount and that what he does eat is healthy and nutritious.

But you don't care enough for him to eat properly at preschool, you're prepared for him to just eat crisps?

Do you vary the flavour, maybe that would make them more nutritious?

Grin

OP, AIBU

MN - yes

OP - no I'm not and I don't care.

You're causing the issues with eating at pre school.

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 20:01

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 19:57

@Goodlard this is the most stupid, pointless argument.

You will come across other parents who do things differently to you. That’s how life works, people have different lifestyles and different things are important to them. I don’t really know how many different ways I can say this. I. Don’t. Care. I don’t care if he eats at the table or watching the TV, or when playing with his toys. I really, really don’t care. I do care that he eats a decent amount and that what he does eat is healthy and nutritious.

Crisps = healthy and nutritious

Since when?

So you'll send him into school with crisps because you care what he does eat is healthy and nutritious!

I think you're on a wind up.

startquitting · 19/12/2023 20:01

Only in the UK (and America) a three-year old would eat crisps for lunch…I am
no health freak but this is beyond weird.

Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 20:01

All I am hearing now is squawk, squawk, squawk.

What matters to you does not matter to me, and I’m not going to pretend it does matter because someone on Mumsnet is bustling about because a three year old doesn’t always sit at the table to eat.

OP posts:
Goodlard · 19/12/2023 20:04

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 20:01

All I am hearing now is squawk, squawk, squawk.

What matters to you does not matter to me, and I’m not going to pretend it does matter because someone on Mumsnet is bustling about because a three year old doesn’t always sit at the table to eat.

No, it's about a mother that claims she makes sure that although he doesn't eat at the table, she ensures he eats healthily and nutritionally by allowing him to eat ....... crisps!

That's not squawking you hear, it's snorting at your lack of ability to see how wrong you are!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/12/2023 20:07

Your rule about being allowed to eat after getting down from the table is fine in theory, works for you at home. And at nursery hes probably helped to eat more too. But in practice, its preventing him eating at pre-school because their rule, for all the kids, will be eat at the table to stop there being food all over the place. It will be the same when he goes to school. Your job, as his parents, is to teach him that he needs to be full before he gets down, so he's properly fuelled for his exciting day. Not that he can run around with food in his hands wherever he feels like.

autienotnaughty · 19/12/2023 20:08

You need to speak to pre school

Are they encouraging him to eat?
Opening wrappers/containers?
Does he actually understand that he needs to eat?

Explain he's eating nothing and ask them to support his eating

Christingle123 · 19/12/2023 20:15

Oh course you can't send him with no lunch!

Remove the crisps, hopefully then he will be hungry enough to attempt the sandwich.

Why don't you get him more involved with the making of the sandwich/dinner? Let him go with you to the supermarket to pick sandwich fillings, bread, fruit, yogurts.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/12/2023 20:18

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 12:21

I’ve explained that the problem with that is it messes up evenings and bedtimes @MikeRafone .

If he eats a packed lunch at 3, then he doesn’t want dinner at 5, which pushes dinner back to 6, which pushes bath time back to 7 (ds is not famed for his speed where food is concerned) which pushes bed back to 8, by this time the baby is beside herself with tiredness so I do need to keep dinner at 5 or thereabouts.

Do bath before tea

ChihuahuaMummy · 19/12/2023 20:19

I would be a little concerned as a 3 year old should be supervised at nursery while eating.

What about trying a reward chart. So when he eats his lunch, he gets a star and then when he's done it for the 2 days, he can pick a little treat?

startquitting · 19/12/2023 20:21

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 19/12/2023 20:07

Your rule about being allowed to eat after getting down from the table is fine in theory, works for you at home. And at nursery hes probably helped to eat more too. But in practice, its preventing him eating at pre-school because their rule, for all the kids, will be eat at the table to stop there being food all over the place. It will be the same when he goes to school. Your job, as his parents, is to teach him that he needs to be full before he gets down, so he's properly fuelled for his exciting day. Not that he can run around with food in his hands wherever he feels like.

Thank God there is someone making sense. //Nursery teacher

Goodlard · 19/12/2023 20:23

I tell you what @Unpackedlunch the amount of updates in this thread by you, throughout the whole day, you've got two very well behaved children, but I understand why you've not got the time to concentrate and practise sitting at the table to eat.

You've averaged answering every 10 minutes so far today!