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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not send in a packed lunch?

431 replies

Unpackedlunch · 19/12/2023 09:35

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me Smile

OP posts:
Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 20:09

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me Smile

I'd give up, some people on here have turned you into prey and will not listen. You sound like a good mum and are doing your best.

Simonjt · 20/12/2023 20:10

Only on MN would eating a sandwich br a life skill.

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 20:10

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:06

I’m not telling anybody they are wrong. I’m saying that I’m not going to be insisting he sits at the table to eat because that means he wouldn’t eat enough. The thread is very circular and I’m not going to shift my position regardless of how many insults are flung at me Smile

So you think the pore school and school will follow your "parenting" style!

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/12/2023 20:10

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:05

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos i really don’t want to reignite the argument, but honestly “if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he’d eat it” - have I massively misunderstood, or have you?

You have. If he was allowed take his food with him when he leaves the table, he'd almost certainly eat it, given that's how it works for him at home.

At school he will have a set time he can eat and a set place. And no one to encourage him. You don't think that eating independently when and where he's supposed to is a skill he needs in life? Good luck to you and him.

usernother · 20/12/2023 20:11

I know you think everyone is wrong and you are right so I'm just going to say YABVU.

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 20:11

Unpackedlunch · 20/12/2023 20:05

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos i really don’t want to reignite the argument, but honestly “if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he’d eat it” - have I massively misunderstood, or have you?

Nah the pre school should let him and all the other kids take their food with them, get vermin...clean up constantly!

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 20:14

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 20:10

So you think the pore school and school will follow your "parenting" style!

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Show quote history

Bloody hell chill out

Dibdob27 · 20/12/2023 20:14

Wow. I had to Google what you meant. Nurseries has a legal right to make sure no child is abused in any way and we would have to write a cause of concern form and work with you to help ways of getting him to eat, or if you have any problems coping etc. I have been in childcare for 22 years and I can quote many laws such as Children's Act 1989.

Sceptre86 · 20/12/2023 20:22

How long is he in preschool for? For instance mine have only ever gone for morning sessions so would have lunch at home. With my ds's last year in preschool they introduced lunch(preschool provided it)and it was hit and miss. Sometimes he'd eat it, sometimes he wouldn't and it was more a case of wanting to play then disliking the actual food. I used to ask him what he had eaten and if he said he hadn't liked it he would usually be ravenous and eat at home. I didn't worry because I knew I could provide lunch at home. If either of them had been there till 3pm then I would have been more concerned as they would likely have been very hungry as soon as they got in.

I would speak to his preschool and find out a bit more about how meals are structured. For instance do they eat in the playroom, is there an area separate for meals, if it's attached to a school do they go to a dinner hall? I would ask them to encourage home to eat.

GUARDIAN1 · 20/12/2023 20:23

It's not daft at all. I work in a child protection related field and sending a child to nursery all day with no lunch would most definitely count as neglect.

usernother · 20/12/2023 20:25

GUARDIAN1 · 20/12/2023 20:23

It's not daft at all. I work in a child protection related field and sending a child to nursery all day with no lunch would most definitely count as neglect.

Especially with the reason being the parent can't be bothered to make it because he doesn't eat it. But she's said earlier he does eat some of it sometimes.

Julimia · 20/12/2023 20:38

Yes of course. But is eating a sandwich really a basic life skill?

Yourcatisnotsorry · 20/12/2023 20:38

Genuinely they will have to report you for neglect if you consistently don’t send him food. Your answer can’t just be ‘oh well’ if a 3 year old isn’t eating throughout a 6 hour day. You need to work out a plan with the staff to encourage him to eat and persevere. It’s important not to waste food but it’s more important to parent your kids. Send small portions and things that keep well/that he can have for tea if he doesn’t eat them at lunch.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 20/12/2023 20:47

Julimia · 20/12/2023 20:38

Yes of course. But is eating a sandwich really a basic life skill?

It's not about the sandwich. It's about him eating appropriately for the setting he's in.

Poppysmom22 · 20/12/2023 20:50

"but given I get about an hour to myself all day and in that time I have a LOT to do, it’s quite precious!" Tough shit you have a 3 year old who needs his mother there isn't a thing on this earth that is more important than that child.

Julimia · 20/12/2023 21:45

How is that neglect?? Read the post
.

Grammarnut · 20/12/2023 22:05

Lilithlogic · 20/12/2023 19:30

Have you actually read the thread?

Show quote history

If I only had an hour to myself a day then I would absolutely object to using some of it to do a packed lunch. Never made my children such a thing unless it was a school trip. They ate school dinners (or they could have made their own packed lunch, but declined to do this).

DragonMama3 · 20/12/2023 22:06

What about snacky bits he can pick at?

DragonMama3 · 20/12/2023 22:08

Op, go to asda cafe it's a cheap lunch box with a lot of food children like.

Swishyfishy · 20/12/2023 22:17

Send mostly packaged items only so there’s no waste but there’s food if he suddenly wants to eat. A packet of cheese oatcakes. An apple. Packet of nuts. Packet of raisins.

Goodlard · 20/12/2023 22:23

@Lilithlogic chill out .... because

CecilyP · 20/12/2023 22:29

GUARDIAN1 · 20/12/2023 20:23

It's not daft at all. I work in a child protection related field and sending a child to nursery all day with no lunch would most definitely count as neglect.

Except he’s not there all day; just the afternoon. When he was provided with lunch, the preschool didn’t ensure that he ate it, so who actually is neglectful?

angelfacecuti75 · 20/12/2023 22:32

Send him in with cheese and crackers with butter in a pot/breadsticks /french stick cut up and buttered insert applicable finger food here ...job done. If non perishable you can just leave it in there.

celticprincess · 20/12/2023 22:56

Does he do full days or half days. My daughter went to pre school 9-12 and they are their lunch around 11:15. She rarely actually ate hers but would often have it once she came home. I always sent it in as they sat together at tables and learned how to eat lunch and behave during dinner times. For her it was just too early. I was worried about her going up to reception but the later 12pm lunch did help.

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