To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

OP if making lunch is such a hassle, why don't you just send them to one where lunch is provided? Problem solved! It may encourage your DC more too as all the children will be sitting down to eat the same thing

None of their business what you put in the packed lunch, IMO, but crisps are a no-no because DCs will eat them in preference to anything else. Perfectly healthy afaik. When my two/three year old would eat nothing but cottage cheese and crisps my doctor said fine, he'll eat when he is hungry, and my dentist said it was better than sweets. No-one had problems with it. But that was in the dark ages when we did not obsess about what we all ate all the time, of course.

Is he there for a whole day or just a morning or afternoon only?

If it's half day only why does he need a lunch?

Surely a snack is enough?

If he's there a full day he needs a lunch.

I think the problem is a complete lack of lunch supervision at the preschool. No one to say try and finish your sandwich before you play. But how l long are the half day sessions anyway. Probably only about 2.5 to 3.5 hours . Do the other children even have packed lunches

With regard to a home reward chart, I think you’re expecting a very high level of ability to defer gratification for a 3 year old!

@CecilyP It all depends on the child. Mine enjoyed using them at that age.

I think they’re fine for something when you are right there, whereas saying you’ll get a sticker if you finish your sandwich at preschool might not be so encouraging when there are loads of other more exciting things to do there.

My daughter didn't eat at nursery and TBF they provided the food (cost covered within fees) so I didn't have the hassle, but I'd have been furious if they hadn't offered her anything. She was refusing food she loves at home, like chicken, fish, rice and chips. Her key worker thought it may be the way it was being cooked, then a couple of days later she ate exactly the same food, cooked exactly the same way. If he's leaving food, I'd probably give him smaller amounts so half a bag of crisps and half a sandwich. Tbh my daughter would come home and eat a meal at 4pm and then dinner with us at 6.30pm and she did ok 😂

@CecilyP It was just a suggestion.

Speak to nursery to see why he is being allowed to eat his treat first.

Is there an option to pay for cooked lunches? Perhaps he is not a fan of sandwiches? Maybe chat with the nursery staff to see whats going on at lunchtime, is he distracted and not eating are they offering snacks in the day which he fills up on? Very small children are often grazers and maybe he is filling up at snack time? The 5 year old in our house went to a nursery that provided cooked lunch and dinner and fairly substantial morning afternoon snacks such as crumpets and fruit or rice cakes. He rarely came home hungry

Surely if you send him in with a piece of fruit, crisps, and a sandwich you can carry on sending in the same packed lunch for several days of its uneaten so it’s hardly wasting food. Just eat the piece of fruit yourself when it’s getting to the end of its ripeness or send in raisins and substitute the sandwich for a packet of breadsticks. The same meal will then last for months without going out of date. That way he has a meal if he is hungry but if he isn’t then it’s not wasted.

Sorry if this has been said before, but can you ask the advice of the nursery? They know how kids work.

Its actually not daft. Neglect is real.

OP please ignore the sanctimonious twats on here gagging at the bit to have a go at you. They don't have the brains to chat with you and try to help. It seems they prefer to believe in their own unfulfilled superiority complexes and use them as an excuse to put the boot in over and over again. Never trust the words of the bitter and twisted.

Odfod and rtft

Anyone who uses the words educational institution comes across as having real problems to me

Oh my goodness yabvu.
you only have an hour to yourself each day and taking 5 minutes out of that to make your child a lunch is too much work!!
priorities.
your child needs dinner daily whether he eats it or not.
have you asked him what he would like in his lunchbox?
im shocked that you cba to make child a lunchbox

Why should he learn to eat a sandwich at nursery or at all ?

Have you actually read the thread?

It's good to teach your children basic life skills at a young age to help them later on in life, don't you think?

The thread has gone a bit bonkers and while I disagreed with another poster I do agree I was spending way too much time on it yesterday.

I wouldn’t seriously contemplate starving DS. I might give lunch before or after preschool, or provide a couple of snacks rather than make a lunch. I would let the staff know in that instance so those telling me social services will be involved - no, they really won’t.

It is a bit exasperating making food that doesn’t get touched but it isn’t that big a deal.

DS does attend a setting where he is fed. At the moment he only attends preschool for one morning session, where the children don’t eat lunch, and one afternoon, where they do. After Christmas he’ll be doing two afternoons which is why I’m a bit worried. Missing lunch once a week isn’t great but fine in the scheme of things. Twice, not so much. But this is also why the advice of keeping what he didn’t eat for the next day doesn’t work as he doesn’t attend two consecutive days.

As for the sitting at the table thing - I really am not concerned about this. He sits at nursery, in cafes, restaurants and so on, he sits at church once a month for the children’s service, he has sat through theatre performances and so on. Enforcing very strict rules about only eating at the table work for some families and I respect that, but here, it doesn’t and I don’t think there’s much more to be said about that.

It's also good to teach children about reading comprehension and not jumping to conclusions without taking in the facts, don't you think?

I used to send my daughter with small finger sandwiches, fruit and yogurt. She was 2 when she started nursery, so I kept portions small. Some kids can feel.overwheled with a large lunch..keep it small and interesting.
You can't just not send him lunch, you need to speak to the nursery and try to find ways around it. If you allow him not to eat lunch at this age, then that will become his norm all throughout school life. If either of my children are only eating the crisps/biscuits in their packed lunch box then I remove them the following day, making them more likely to eat the better stuff in their lunch.

OP, you're determined not to listen to people. I can almost guarantee you that if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he'd eat it. But he's not and you don't think that maybe he should learn that he needs to stay at the table without prompting in order to eat for when he's there more regularly or when he starts school?

The overwhelming response here is that's what needs to happen. Don't ask for advice if you're just going to tell people they're wrong.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos i really don’t want to reignite the argument, but honestly “if he was allowed to take his food with him at preschool he’d eat it” - have I massively misunderstood, or have you?